relationships

Let's talk about sex :P

Haven't done that in ages.

I've done virginity entires and sexuality ones before but I'd like to try again.

I was gonna talk about the term 'making love' and what it means to me, as opposed to sex, or fucking, or screwing, or hooking up.

Making love seems to be more slow and sensual, romantic and a light sheen of sweat as the woman's back arches and her head is thrown back, her delicate neck exposed- etc etc, like a bad erotica.

Where the most important thing though is the connection to the other person. I believe in that connection. The one that comes just as easily from sharing a bed or kissing or falling asleep crying in their arms. The intimacy between two people that share something together that's deeply personal, that talking about the morning after ruins. That fragile state when the only two people that exist for awhile are just you and them and you open yourself up and be honest. And you grip them tightly like they're your anchor to the world and pull them tighter into you and feel them skin on skin. When you feel their heart beat fast against your own chest and you know how you're affecting them and they you. When you don't need to speak or break the silence. It just is. 


To me, that's love. That's what making love is. What I'd like it to be.

Because to me, there is that fragile state of love and that's brilliant and when I make love, at least the first time, I want it to be like that. Afterwards it can just be that once in awhile with lots of sex and fucking the rest of the time but love itself is so much more. It's about enduring and forgiving and being disappointed and shocked and scared and content and cozy and gasping for breath  and laughing and crying and a thousand small frustrations a day and a few big ones. When they fuck up so bad that you feel like a footballer wearing cleats has stomped on your heart and ground his heel in, before a washerwoman has taken over to wring it dry, until the pain is so bad you think you might die. But you don't, you live until you find someone else who smoothes out the rough edges again and you learn to love domesticity and waking up beside them and letting them see you before you put on make up and you look like Frankensteins monster and they'll still roll you over and kiss you senseless. It's the way you want to feel ever inch of them and if they go away on a trip, when they get back you run your hands over them, to re explore, to remember, to reaffirm. And you have sex and you tell each other I love you and you take turns cooking breakfast and making lunches. And you go on an exotic holiday and because you're clean and on the pill you make love in the water on a deserted beach. You get married after 5 years because you know you don't want to be with anyone else again and you want to start a family. You talk at dinner and in bed and you text during the day because you've been together this long but haven't lost the ability to talk on forever. You want to explore each other, not just physically but mentally, you want to tell them all the secrets.

I don't know. I have this everyday fantasy of love that I think is sort of boring to most people, but I think it works if you combine it with the intimacy of sex. That's how relationships work I think.

I don't know.