avoidance

It is so frustrating that when I've finally got over him completely- no take backs like in February, that's when he has to get the idea that I still like him. It'd be one thing if it were true, but it's not.

And he shouldn't make me feel like this. He shouldn't leave my messages on Facebook unanswered like that. He needs to acknowledge this crap. It happened. We happened. It was sweet but it's over and I actually had trouble just then describing it as 'sweet' because now I'm looking back on it with my attitude right now and just wishing it hostility. That's why I want this blog, it lets me remember the good stuff. The way it felt at the time when it was lovely and I loved it. I never want to look back on that as a first serious kiss and regret it. Never ever ever. And right now that feels...possible so I need this blog to remember, god yeah, i remember that crazy mad in-love feeling. Even though it's gone and I've half forgotten because I can't replicate it now, it still happened and existed and I need that.

Actually, his crazy ex- who I need to stop calling that. Sure, she cheated on him but I can't judge her for that if I dont judge him. As for the rest, yeah okay, but still, he's probably thinking 'shit, now lucy is going the same way' which is bs, so I'll defend her. Actually, because if he's thinking that, I should be mad at him. So... I sort of got pay back for that in my own little way. I mean, because he didn't tell me what he's pissed at exactly, that just leaves it to me to project my own insecurities onto a blank page. Therefore the ex-girlfriend comparisons could be entirely my own, disclaimer alert. But we're friends on facebook so i liked her status.

"Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has
Come to share, grow or learn. 
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. 
They may teach you something you have never done. 
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.. 

Believe it, it is real. But only for a season."

I kind of like her statuses normally anyway so being able to actually hit like was fun. The last time I communicated with her to say happy birthday, it triggered you-know-who talking to me for the first time in months so... lol, yeah. And she liked my glee status back so let's hope he notices haha. He should be uncomfortable. I wish I was enough of a bitch to start talking to her and be like 'I'm really pissed at you-know-who, can we be friends because it would piss him off?'

Right now, god, I'm so angry with  him.

I want to message him. I want to tell him god you're so fucking frustrating.

you never SAY anything

even just a confirmation 'yes, i know you dont like me like that anymore, no im not going to make it awkward now'

this right here, is exactly why i have a blog

because you dont ever let us talk things out, it's just ignore ignore ignore all the time

I don't know why I ever expect different

if you are mad about my blog, tell me what it is that you hate and let me do my best to rectify and say sorry. if it just made you uncomfortable, well let me explain it to you until you get it that I DONT have feelings for you and honestly, i don't think you can be weird about the fact that I did in the past, thats common knowledge. 

if it just annoys you that I'm making you talk about it, well, i don't care about that. it's already out there, i'd rather it be clear truth than whatever it is you're thinking. 

I can't say any of this. I want to but I can't.