apathy

I ended up going with "When you didn't respond to the things I said ^ I didn't know if we were in a non talking phase

so i figured i'd be proactive and ask if we were ok"

It didn't work but I'm not unhappy with what I said. I got back 'I'm fine.'

If he doesn't want to talk, well, honestly... fuck him. I don't need him. I thought about asking him to actually have the conversation with me about it but... it wasn't worth it.

Maybe he just isn't.

He's not man enough (I'm sorry, I know that phrase is problematic) to confront this, because he's not that mature, he's not that brave, he's not that willing to step up. This isn't even a big deal, but he just wants everything to be light and stupid and meaningless, so he won't try. I used to think he was so good. He did everything right and he was more mature than other guys and he could be serious. He was confident enough in himself, to be able to... disagree with someone or watch chick flicks or do what he wanted. He didn't care what other people thought. He was impressive. Now I think about him and that isn't how I see him at all. Which is sad, but true.


He's a kid who got with me because he could and he wanted to and he ignored his girlfriends feelings to do it. He ignores mine, and doesn't give a damn about other people, not much.

This new attitude to him is disconcerting to me. I'm not used to being this apathetic to him. I'm definitely not used to thinking, actually, I'd rather he not show up.

Even in a small way, even if it was just because I thought my hair was awesome and he should be there to appreciate its awesomeness, it'd be better if he was there. Or just because he improved conversation or made things more interesting to me. How I just don't care, or beyond that, right now, think that he should just stay away and let me hang out with my friends without him derping in and making me uncomfortable, is unusual and feels weird.

Feeling so different about our past as well, it's almost worrying but more just shocking with my change of heart. I really didn't think I'd ever lose the magic that was remembering being with him and feeling so special and loved. But I have... I just feel cold looking back. I can logically recall the memories but they are so... different to before.

Now I just don't care about him. Fucking weird.