noh8

You-know-who and I had a conversation yesterday. Most of it was pretty boring, like we didn't know what to say to each other. Mostly just talk about uni. It does make me wonder now that we aren't trying so hard, if we can keep up being friends.

But there was one thing--well, a few things, but the one I'm going to talk about now, about his girlfriend. Maybe it's weird, I personally think it is, that he still--and always has-- talks about her with me. I don't feel more than mild curiosity these days. I'm over him. I care what he thinks but being friends with him is like an analysis game now, not a friendship. Anyway, I don't know how we got onto it, he mentioned she'd seen my bffl on the bus or something. I was pretty unaware they even knew each other. Well, more that she knew my friend. My best friend obviously knows about her. But I guess they have met a few times. Still, it makes me wonder that it was a big enough deal for his girlfriend to text him about. Like, why would it matter? He-who-must-not-be-named dislikes her and it's mutual. But I guess people in relationships do have conversations about people and do know about each others lives and the people in them.

So then I mentioned that I see her quite a bit, whenever I go to pick up pizza (cos she works at the pizza place near me). Thankfully, she's never actually seen me. The only time she did serve me was way before everything happened, and we were on speaking 'hey, your my friends girlfriend' 'hey, your my boyfriends friend' terms. He was like 'Oh. Do you say hi?" I have him my 'are you insane?' look and said no. Then he asked 'Does she say hi?' She doesn't actually see me, which is how I like it, but I just said no.

The part of this entry that is the reason I'm writing the entry is the next him. 'She doesn't hate you, you know."

I'm conflicted as to what to think about that.

a) It's better than if she did hate me.
b) You-know-who is stupid, she probably does.
c) If I was her, I'd hate me. As me, I don't hate me (to clarify), but I have to think that if we switched, I'd hate me. I mean, I didn't wrong myself, so as me, I don't care personally, but I wronged her.
d) Well, fair enough. You-know-who did worse that I did (he broke the promise/cheated on her). So if she can still love him, it'd be pretty unfair to hate me for doing less.
e) But she forgave him because she loves him. Me-- no attachment, so it's way harder to forgive.
f) Not that she has forgiven me, but doesn't hate me. Well I figured, I have seen her since knowing she knows, she doesn't even ignore me, just doesn't do more than that. She's actually perfectly discreet.
g) It's a good thing.

Oh, the second part of this post. I don't remember what I replied to that, but you-know-who must have gone on to say something like 'It's more like the group hates her.'

Like I told him, no, they really don't. The boys don't give a fuck about anything. They aren't going to go out of their way, but they aren't really caring either way.you-know-who's girlfriend is just this girl that he cares about that they don't really know. The girls are different because in the female version of 'bros before hos', as one of my best friends said once 'it's not that we don't like her, it's just that we like you more.' Ironic really, cos that is the one girl in our group that actually is friendly to her. Though I really disagree that any of the other girls aren't, I can at least understand his girlfriends point. If she has any knowledge at all that they know about You-know-who and I, she can probably assume correctly that all of them would have preferred he got with me. It's just a fact. The fact that his friends are my friends and not her friends... just how it is. It does suck to be her.

But they don't hate her, so he's wrong about that.