When it comes to guys, something is so off.
I swear, this last year has been a mix of absolutely boring, but still...
Since you-know-who, how many boys have wanted to be with me, legitimately, relationship wise? None. How many guys have offered to hook up with me? Three.
What the fuck.
It's not a compliment, it's just... what's wrong with me if that's what boys want--and these aren't boys I don't know, it's friends. So it's not an appearance thing, that's not what it makes me think of, it's just, these are guys that know me personally, and rather than saying would you like to go out sometime? they just say 'lol, wanna make out?'
Maybe this is old fashioned, especially since it was my mother that put this perspective to me in the first place, but why is this okay? When did it become normal, more normal to move into one-time hook ups or friends with benefit arrangements then it did to go out with someone?
Or is it just me? I mean, my friends don't have these issues the way I do. My friend was laughing at me a few days ago (in a friendly way) for all the complicated relationships with guys I seem to rack up. I seriously don't do it on purpose. I'm friendly with boys and I suppose I'm mildly more sexual than some of my friends, but that's it.
I don't get it. And it's not like I'm being picky, turning down a bunch of boys that want to be with me. They literally don't want me, they just think I might say yes. But I don't.
Is it so darn hard to find a guy that will just ask 'hey, do you want to go get coffee sometime?'
DOES THIS ONLY HAPPEN ON TV?
P.S I only say 'since you-know-who', because I suppose I classify that as more 'relationship' type want,
rather than a hook up. Though as we did kiss and didn't date, I suppose maybe it is the same thing, only that time I said yes.
But no... because the difference isn't the relationship status per se... it's more the depth of feeling and whether or not you do all the other stupid stuff like go out and talk and do the rest of the banal stuff together.
Being one of the people you mention as wanting to hook up with you, I think you're making assumptions here on my part. Before the formal, my attraction to you was mainly physical, but I knew almost nothing about you and that's how it always starts out for me. Not long after the formal, I decided to get fb. The reason I got fb was because I liked you and wanted to talk to you, and you weren't on MSN. I had no intention of talking my way into your pussy, nor could I talk *to* your pussy; I could only talk to *you* to find out more about you. Yes, of course part of the attraction was physical/sexual, but that wasn't *all* it was. When I talked to you, I saw that we had a few similar interests and the conversations flowed (at least from what I could see, maybe that was just me) -- it was enjoyable to get to know you on a deeper level, but I stopped when I found out you didn't like me back because I was too frightened to clear the air. I woke up every day for those few weeks feeling happy that I'd even get a chance to talk to you that day -- that's something I only feel for someone I am genuinely attracted to as a person. I looked forward to schoolies as a good opportunity to see where this could go, seeing as I'd get to practically live with you for a week, but that didn't come about, just my bad luck due to shitty timing. What happened at schoolies and with the blog sucked and was poor handling of a shitty situation on my part, but it was not the be all and end all of my feelings towards you.
ReplyDeleteI don't wanna come across as angry or mad at you; I just wanna put my side forward. At one point in time, I liked you for who you were. I don't have those feelings anymore because I knew they weren't reciprocated, so they went away, as they do. I don't wanna be forever known as "that guy who wanted to fuck [you]" :P
(Upon re-reading this, I'm not entirely sure whether the time frame you refer to as 'since you-know-you', whether that means since schoolies or simply in the last year as you mentioned earlier, so I could be wrong about being 1 of the 3 people, but my point still stands.)
Deleteyou weren't who I was thinking of when I wrote this, don't worry. i'm talking about other guys that have legitimately told me they don't want a relationship full stop, but offering to hook up. its kind of just happening more frequently lately, but I appreciate you commenting. I suppose its true that i didn't really think that you actually wanted to be with me at any point, beyond the physical. when you stopped talking to me, i've just always assumed it was because you worked out it wouldn't go anywhere beyond just being friends. but this post wasn't directed at you.
DeleteOh, that's good to know :) Yeah, I've wanted to get that off my chest for ages anyway, because I was sure you assumed exactly what you did based off the fact that I just stopped talking.
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