blah blah blah boys

I'm confused.

I know I mentioned that there is sort of a new guy that is becoming a bigger part of my social life than before.

So finding out more about each other is fun. He's not really my type too much and I know I'm never going to date him or anything, but I'm always saying I need more guy friends. I just have to work out if there is anything that I want other than that. I've said I don't want to date him... but on the other hand, he's smart and put together and generally checks off most things on my attractiveness list. I really do find smart guys ridiculously attractive and he's definitely up there for that.

I don't know.

This is complicated.

Not in a way that stresses me out because like I said, I'm not very emotionally invested. But I keep saying I don't want to date him and that's true... I think. I remember way back when, when he was with his girlfriend, thinking 'god, I wish I had a relationship like that.' But they had an awful ending and the good parts of their relationship got kinda overshadowed there.

As far as personality goes, he's more outgoing and less socially awkward than other boys I seem to attract which I appreciate, but while still being quiet. I don't know, indoors type. Do I find him attractive? Ish. I don't know. Sort of.

I cant tell if it's convenience attraction or not, because on one hand, he's around and he's new and shiny and interesting, but on the other hand, he's actually old and has weird history and would be totally awkward to go out with, so going for him would be the opposite of smooth sailing.

I don't know whether to post this or not. I mean, I think I will, but I'm adding the post script so you know I feel uncomfortable about it. Is that weird? Talking about you-know-who was easy as. I think I've come to the conclusion that I was able to disregard him and talk about him how ever I wanted on the internet because he 'deserved it', and I talk about some other people less than favourably but again, they pissed me off so they had it coming, but this guy hasn't pissed me off yet. At least not recently. There are some things that still get my blood boiling that he's done in the past though. D'you reckon that's enough to ease my guilt?

It'll have to be haha.

But I think it's also the fact that why am I putting this on the internet. It's not like before. That was after-blogging. That was getting rid of excess feelings, when I needed to talk to someone about them because they were overwhelming. This is the opposite of that. Oh well, I probably won't make a post about this person again, except in passing. I'm not planning on dedicating any more blogging room to him.