attraction

It's freaky, my psych lectures are becoming disturbingly relevant. Not that that isn't always the case, it always seems like people can connect what we learn with sudden relevance to life.

But we're studying attraction and I figure that's pretty related to the topics in this blog and in my life. Firstly, attraction due to proximity. People that are conveniently placed in our lives are more attractive than those who are not. People are lazy and if we can get away with not having to put as much effort in, we will. Like, being friends with people that live close by or with people doing the same degree because you have all these designated meet up times already, you don't have to take a lot of effort to stay in contact.

Convenience is huge for attraction I think. It's not always good for relationships but I see how it affects my own attraction to people. I'm pretty good at following this kind of attraction, even though it's not all that great, because obviously, attraction due to proximity doesn't really say anything about how well you'll actually get on with someone or if you'll like them. But I'm pretty experienced at picking boys to like because well, they like me. Boys that like you first is awesome because you don't have to do most of the work. You can rely on them to talk to you, to make time for you, to know your schedule and when is a good time to meet up. Things like that. That goes both ways by the way, just whoever does the crush-ing is the one that has to take all the initiative and it's pretty sweet for the crush-ee. All they have to do is smile and appreciate the attention.

Not in a bad way, like leading the other person on, but acknowledging that for the moment they have a pretty sweet deal. Personally, I like it too much and start to think it's enough. Enough to like them back, enough to have a relationship even. But I don't think it through and I let it be a relationship of convenience. They make me feel very good for the amount of effort expended on my end, but it's not exactly fair.

Other considerations go into it as well obviously, but just that proximity thing is quite a pull towards someone. Also, there is this equation, I can't remember it exactly, but the gist is thel ikelyhood of you going for something is expectation and excitement. Expectation is how likely you think it is and excitement is how much you want it. If you want something really badly, but don't think it's at all likely, you'll end up with an average chance of getting it. But if you want something moderately but know you can get it, the odds go up a lot.

So when I find a guy that I like-ish, even if it's not crazy love, I've been known to go for it, because they like me back. They liked me first. It's dumb, because it never works for me, I'm always just left uncomfortable while boys I don't mind are professing strong feelings for me. It's why the you-know-who thing happened to an extent, it was the opposite. Being apathetic can suck. Even if it hurts, feeling things strongly is a lot nicer.

Now I think I could be back to the opposite. A guy I wouldn't really have considered if not for the fact that he started to flirt. Add that to the fact that we've been spending some time together, catching the same bus and with some frees that are the same, he's now quite attractive to me. It's crushing with the intention to crush. It's conceived. And it's not strong. It's not the thoughts that come unbidden into my head when I'm choosing my clothes in the morning 'He's going to see you today, don't you want to make it good?' It's rather 'oh, he's here today, oh I'm wearing jeans, ah well, I'm still cute.' Like, it doesn't really matter, I'll think of it maybe at the time, but it's not really something I care much about. They aren't yet on the dress-to-impress list. They aren't that important. But it's possible they will give me someone to think about in that way, which is something I've been missing these last 6 months. It'll give me someone to get a bit of excitement going over, and it'll be easy enough if they're willing to remember relevant parts of my timetable that coincide with mine, and offer me lifts and give me someone to talk to.

This is an interesting situation really, because I don't want to date this person. They don't suit me that well. But just by letting him sit a teeny bit different in my head, it'll create some amusement.

Which is good.