Let me tell you about my day.Start at midnight. I was up reading this book called Birthmarked. It ended on a Cliffhanger but to be honest, the concept started well but I didn't make emotional connections, the plot was too obvious and just didn't stand up to that much scrutiny. Maybe I just expected too much but dystopic futures are my favourite and I was hopeful.
Then I started a new book called Wife 22. A middle aged woman finds a questionnaire in her email, it's the beginnings of a marriage survey, she's bored, signs up. Slowly relationship blossoms between her and Researcher 101. It's anonymous, she bares her soul, failing relationship with husband, too distant, not communicating etc.
Eventually she thinks about leaving husband, this guy listens to her and its something she hasn't had in a long time, she goes to meet the guy, he doesn't show, more confusion. Eventually she breaks it off with him, only to figure out using the gps tags in his profile pics that he's actually her husband, it was a fake questionnaire, he wanted what she wanted, to be less distant and thought it was a way to go about it. They do end up happy again, and the end.
I was a bit cheesed off that it ended up being her husband. I mean, I know it's romantic but it was cheesy. I would I liked her to cheat actually, and end up with the researcher. What does that say about me, I wanted her to leave her 20 year marriage and go with this guy.
So that's the books I've been reading today,
I also made caramel, in prep for tomorrow. I did well actually, except it's quite thick. I used a recipe for the caramel in caramel slice, not caramel sauce, but i think if I just zap it in the microwave for a few seconds, it'll be perfect and warm and I'll drizzle it over my fruit skewers and god only knows what else.
I like cooking by myself, it's fun. I mean, I love cooking with others too but I was excluded today, Jess and Megan, two of my besties are making my cake today, which I'm guessing will be brill, but obviously I couldn't join. So I made the most of being by myself and indulged in what I call (and is very self explanatory, naked cooking. It's like the only good thing about being in an apartment, noone looking over fences and seeing my boobs when I don't want to get dressed. I'm just lazy really, but making something as delicious as caramel, why not feel sexy haha.
Only thing is, I have been eating disgustingly all day, Caramel and chips and mini flakes and mango and whipped cream. Can I help it that I got my party supplies already?
I'm hoping to go for my first run in like, two months tomorrow morning and start my day off right. Then I won't feel bad about eating delicious things all day.
Also, today was supposed to be all about primping and things, so I feel pretty tomorrow but I've had yucky breakouts and I'm absentminded and only shaved one leg this morning, because I'm a derp. Also I stepped on my hair brush and broke it in two so my hair is a wild mess. Having long hair is a burden that I will not deal with much longer. But I'm a grass is always greener type person so I'm sure short will suck as well. My nails are mostly short with like, that final bit of nail polish that hasn't come off yet in a dab in the middle of each. I have work tonight so I can't paint them til after, hot soapy water will ruin them.
What else... lights don't want to stay up, which is annoying and pisses me off. My room is back to being a disaster zone... not really but my sheets are dirty and I doubt Mum will want to wash them but my friend Corey is sleeping over and I can't give him the other side of my bed if it's not clean! But it's my birthday which means birthday snuggles if I'm lucky and Corey being gay makes him perfect because his hugs are lovely. Right up there with you-know-who's. But they are much rarer. Actually I want hugs from both tomorrow. That's the goal.
I'm excited for my birthday. I know I'm turning 19 and it's not a big deal but I LOVE my birthday. I love it. I get to do things guilt free and have all my friends round and get to be centre of attention and I get presents. What is not to like, honestly.
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Also, while I remember, I had this really weird (even for me) dream last night. But it was the big last night that is staying with me.
I have a pretty meh attitude about rape. I mean, I'm all up in arms about it as a social issue and a feminist one and I know it's right up there with the big crimes but on a personal level, I don't really see the big deal. My friends all literally think 'I'd rather die' but I'm like, seriously, it can't be that awful. I mean, bad, but not worth killing yourself over or making too much of a big deal.
I am not trying to offend anyone, I have the utmost respect for any survivors of rape. But for me personally, trying to put myself in that position, I feel like I wouldn't overthink it.
Or I would, but I don't think it would ruin my life.
But anyway, back to the dream, I just needed to set that context up. I was in my car in this motel carpark I suppose you could say. No, even less than that, like a rest stop on the side of the freeway, in the middle of open country. A few cars around but no houses or people for 3/4 of the dream. Not until this bit when I come back to my car and these people have hooked up their electronics to my car to charge them and do other stupid shit, and it's totally drained my car battery and I'm in the middle of nowhere so this pisses me off and I try to make them (all men) gtfo.
But they don't and I can't. I don't remember what I did, if I shoved one or tried to kick one in the balls or something. I did something though, and then one of them grabbed me and started molesting me. Maybe the others joined in, maybe they just crowded round and watched, but it was scary, in that kind of reduced dream way. I struggled and kicked etc, like there was panic.
More importantly though, once I woke up, I could still feel their dirty hands on me, running over my breasts and between my legs and things and it really is something that sticks with you. Imagine if that was a real thing that happened, you'd never forget it ever. I have trouble forgetting and mine was only phantom hands.
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