So.... 14 days down. This has been a nice year so far. Spent a lot of time with friends, going away tomorrow and I'm eating healthy :)

I haven't overeaten ever. I've nearly not been tempted. Only by small things like a single teddy bear chocolate biscuit or a small freddo. The freddo I ate, the biscuit I put back.

I'm just worried I'm becoming a tad obsessive, to the point that it's not totally healthy. Like, not eating pizza when at a friends house where everyone is eating it. Or feeling guilty about eating a muesli bar. Maybe I was hungry, maybe I wasn't, but should it really have mattered? I ate it, I was under calories still, so why did it matter? I can't feel guilty for eating, that's how eating disorders happen.

I can never think dumb things like, I wish I just had a bit of anorexia, so I'd have self control, or maybe if I just threw up one time, it'd get me out of a mess. I can understand how people think those things, because I eat under calories almost every day, not much, but a bit. And I mean, under calories for loosing weight. 2000 is maintenance, 1200 is kilo a week, and under that is unhealthy. I eat around 1000. I shouldn't, but I like to do it, I like feeling in control and I feel so much more positive when I eat under. Eating disorder, no, but perhaps unhealthy.

Day 15-22 is being on holiday, so we'll see how I do there. Lots of swimming (and lazing by the pool or in the spa with a book), lots of walks, lots of exploring the rocks and long talks with my cuz. Lots of cornettos from the corner shop to cut out :P But it'll be a lovely week full of family fun, cards, books, beach, bikinis. All of my favourite things :) I'm glad I'm not one of those girls that's too scared or ashamed to wear a bikini, like, I understand it and of course I understand insecurity, but I feel just as insecure, if not more, wearing clothes that I don't think are flattering. I almost always feel pretty in a bikini (and boardies). It's why I have so many haha. It'll be nice not to wear boardies though, once my legs are nicer. Right now it depends on how I feel, occasionally I won't but mostly I do.

Week 3 or 4 is when I usually fuck up my healthy eating plans, because my life sucks or I move, or my dogs get taken away or something, and the same thing is happening now because it'll be 'dinner at the club!' or 'hot chips for lunch!' or KFC or just other things. I take full responsibility for my failures before, I won't let those things be excuses.

I'll come back after this holiday feeling pleased with my week and all aspects of it. Then I'll be another week down and another kilo lost (hopefully haha). I'm not going to weigh myself until February 1st, so who knows.