Fit

It's been awhile... so bring on the fitness post!

I hate falling off the wagon but I do it so... here we go again.

I don't want to wait to be happy, for that distant future I look to and think 'Yes, then I will be free, and popular, and envied, and that is when I will be Happy.'

I want to be happy now, and if not now, I want to make happiness happen, not through wishing or fantasising about that future day, but by working towards it as I have been trying to do. It's no good thinking about a future unless I'm paving the road towards it from now until then. Otherwise it'll just be stuck out there and I'll walk right by it with no way to get close.

For me, when I fall off, little changes stick, but sometimes I fail at the major ones. I pull out the tub of ice-cream when I'm not even a big fan of ice cream. I wake up with junk food on the brain and it stays there no matter how many times I satisfy it. I let the voice inside my head screw me over, and worse than that, I let it do it. I hear that voice, I acknowledge that it's hurtful, but I listen to it each time.

I'm hoping to pull myself out of this rut the best way I know how. Competition.

I am very competitive. It's not exactly a positive trait but I think of it as one. I'm proud to be competitive. It shows I care and that I'm going to try hard because I'm motivated. I am motivated through competitiveness when I have to beat my Tumblr friend Lucy's running distances. I am motivated to beat Mia's losses, I am motivated to try harder to win sport, I am motivated to get stronger, to impress the people around me, to show them what I can do, to keep up and show up the others.

On Thursday I turned over the new leaf eating wise. Only moderately to be honest. I went over 1200 calories, even when being generous. But I snacked on fruit all day, I had a few different veggies, I had a beautiful, positive day that didn't involve chocolate. Today I had a crepe and I had hot chips (not too many but not none either). But it was a lo fat veggie crepe and I saved the veggie pasta for dinner, rather than buying another larger pasta salad. I had passionfruit for afternoon tea, rather than cheese or peanut butter. Yesterday I had peanut butter and shapes rather than something much worse. It's moderation, not  extreme diet.

I walked 30 minutes rather than catching the bus both days, even though on Thursday my ipod died already so I had to sing to pass the time and I was in slip on sandals with a heal, so I got a blister.

I want to run tomorrow, I'm just so intimidated. You can barely imagine and I know it's dumb, I just need to do it, just start and be mentally tough but I can't work it out in my head. As tomorrow is Saturday, I am hoping I can have a positive day. Normally I can't on a Saturday, with netball and the canteen being right there and not being organised to bring enough food and being bored. Plus it's shopping day so I have yogurt and cheese and chocolate and chips and etc etc etc.

But from experience, weekends are good for me when I'm really motivated and I spend time exercising.  If I can wake up tomorrow and run, I will be so happy with myself, I know I will.

On Monday I will weigh in and I know it will be bad. I hate the idea that I could have gained back everything I lost this year. But I need to deal with that reality with responsibility, because it was my fault if that is the case. Mia and I will start an 8 week program/ competition, based on both points (the scoring system I will explain below) and weight loss percentage.

Whoever has better stats at the end of the 8 weeks gets the money. (25 dollars for winning in points or weight loss %).

WEEK #1	MON	TUES	WED	THURS	FRI	SAT	SUN
1 pt: Contact with Teammate				Yes	Yes	Yes
3 pts: 64 oz Water				Yes	No	Yes
3 pts: Stop eating before 9 pm				Yes	Yes	Yes
3 pts: 2 Fruit Servings (1/2 cup each)				Yes	No	Yes
5 pts: 3 Vegetable Servings				No	Yes	Yes
5 pts: No Sweets/Sugary Treats (Only 6 days a week)				Yes	Yes	No
5 pts: Keep a Food Journal				Yes	Yes	Yes
5 pts: 30 min. exercise OR 7 pts: 45 min. exercise (Only 5 days a week)				Yes-over 45mins	Yes-over 30mins	Yes- over 45mins
TOTAL POINTS: (205 possible for the week)				27/32	24/32	27/32

10 Points per Pound lost AND 5 points for Maintaining Lowest Weight.

Total Points from Week: _________ + Points from Weight Loss: _________ =

Grand Total of Points from Week 1: __________

Starting Weight from Sunday night: ___________ Lowest weight so far:___________

So I am hoping this works. I will fill it out this week (from thursday) just for an idea. Maybe I will post it here each week and make myself accountable from my blog.

We will see.

For now, I will say that I want to run tomorrow, whether it be 3ks, 5ks or 8ks. I just want to do it, so I can say that I have started again. Just 30minutes of jogging. I swear it won't kill me.

Edit: I did 5k! It was hard and I stopped at traffic lights but I did it. I am sunburnt now I think cos I didn't do it in the morning when I woke up cos I'm dumb and lazy, I did it at 10am when my teammate/bffl pushed me into it. I was like 'meh, I'll get to it sometime today' and she said 'well, if you do it now, you won't have to do it later' which was a good enough point so I did it.

Did I feel unattractive and gross? Yes. Did I feel accomplished and bamf? Yes. So it's worth it, though now I have pit stains and sweaty hair and a red face and need a cool shower.