Liars.

I have a dilemma. Feel free to comment on it and tell me what to do. Except for you Mia, skip this entry. I do occasionally have secrets I do not share with you. Don't break my trust here!

At the end of January, in the entry 'It's so over' I wrote about how I was finally over you-know-who, but it was because of an event that happened that evening. This was the end of January, he and I were just starting to talk again. I'd seen him for the first time since Schoolies the Wednesday before, then at a group thing at his house for Australia day, and this was the following Tuesday night I think.

The whole thing was he was pissed because one of my friends had gone behind his back (and mine) and told Georgia about the cheating. Though he told me she already knew because he had told her already, it had severely upset her and could possibly lose him Georgia.

At the time this severely stressed me out and made me feel guilty and awful and when my friend admitted doing it, I told you-know-who it had been completely unacceptable of her and despite years of friendship I would have to stop being her friend because of how disrespectful and pervasive what she'd done was.

I felt guilty about his girlfriend, upset about this friendship, stressed about him and just generally awful and panicked and while you-know-who was basically completely angry and threatening my friends and swearing and being totally uncalm, I felt attacked and super stressed.

And now I've found out some info that totally changed everything and I'm angry and I don't even half know why, just that I hate being lied to and I feel like I don't know who to trust.

Apparently she never told his girlfriend anything. She thought my other friend (my best friend who hates you-know-who) would have done it, since she was always threatening to, unless she thought there was no need.

Aka, if someone else had done it first.

So she told you-know-who this, and he told me. As in, he told me someone had told Georiga and he was furious and Georgia was on the verge of breaking up with him, though he'd already told her before, it being brought up again had fucked them up and she was upset etc.

This conversation took over my whole night, and freaked me out and stressed me out and guilted me and nearly lost me the friend who schemed this.

She thought if I knew the truth, I couldn't keep it from my best friend (probably true but that isn't the point!).

So if what she told me is true, you-know-who knew exactly what was going on when he had this conversation with me. When he insulted my friends, threatened me and them if they didn't stop fucking with him and Georgia, told me to deal with it, and was like 'we fucked up, i want it in the past, because of you this keeps coming up, why is that?'.

If he knew

If his girlfriend hadn't really been told (if my friend was telling me the truth today) then he of course knew that she didn't know. Obviously either they were having a conversation/fight about it or not.

So he came and started talking to me and said all of this and accused me and my friend of all of that when he knew that I (and she) hadn't done anything.

So if she is telling the truth, what possible motive would he of had for doing it? Seriously?

Apart from using me to convince my best friend to stop being a bitch because another friend beat her to it. A friend that wasn't (I believe) going to do anything involving Georgia at all.

He wouldn't do that. Why would he? Did he? For whose benefit was it? Was he punishing me by the severe guilt trip? I don't understand.

If he was in on something that stupid with her, what the fuck?

If it's true (and it certainly felt true at the time), then her telling me now that it's not true... what the fuck.

Some one lied to me and it's both people I trust.

What am I supposed to do with that knowledge?

Add to that the fact that it might mean he lied about telling her in the first place. What if she doesn't know? What if he never told her?

He told me in a different conversation that he did but what if it was a lie?

See, here is the issue. A) you-know-who lies. He does. B) I'm gullible as fuck. C) I trust you-know-who. At least I thought I did. If he really was bullshitting that whole conversation, that's low. D) I also trust my friend. E) My relationship with him is actually quite fragile. It relies on the fact that I trust him.

If I can't trust him, that will change things. It will. My friend told me to leave it in the past, to not mention it to him, or to my best friend, to just leave it. I hate to think it but what if she's lying and that's why she wants me not to mention it to anyone. So no one will contradict it.

But if she isn't lying, I need to talk to you-know-who. I need to get to the bottom of this.

I need him to know that I know and that I'm angry. If it's true, what he did is not okay. He can avoid me and refuse to answer my questions or just not talk to me about anything about Georgia. That's his right. But it is not okay of him to start a conversation with me and blame me for causing drama, tell me how upset Georgia is and how close to fucking up their relationship I am and tell me (like my friend) to never bring it up again.

Fuck I don't know.

What do I believe? Either my friend is lying now, which makes no sense, I'd pretty much forgotten the whole incident and moved on, so she doesn't need to give me incentive to forgive her or you-know-who was lying then.

EDIT: I talked to my friend again. She had to go but I got one answer. He didn't know at first. That was real. " the reason he got all angry was that I told him that [my best friend] was planning on telling his girlfriend and I told him what I was willing to do a little while later because I was trying to get the nerve up to do it

so that would explain his initial anger towards [my best friend] and his blow up"

So that's good. It means he wasn't talking to me just to a) punish me or b) to use me to convince my friend that she should stop.

He was being legit at least at first. I don't know.

I'm confused because now I feel like I was angry at him and I wanted to be angry at him. Being angry with him made it easier somehow... now I don't understand how it went down.

My friend sparked it, she told him there was an issue. He freaked, blew up at me. I blew up at my friend, who told me it was her fault, but lied and said she'd told Georgia, not that she'd lied and started it all, then I think that I told you-know-who it was her. Then that would have confused him because after all, Neeby was the one that told him my best friend had done it. So he would confront her and she finally tells him her plan. He goes along with it.

The end.

Both of them suck, but not half as much as I was thinking. Which I suppose is good.

Except since there was no telling his girlfriend by my friend, as I've always assumed since then, it means I don't know for sure that you-know-who actually told Georgia. He told me for sure that he did but...

I'm still pissed at him for letting my friend involve him in scheming. A) It's fucking juvenile. B) This is not my friends issue. She did not have the right to do that. C) he did wrong by lying to me. She should have told me the truth.

So I still have a bone to pick with him. Also because he was fine with me ruining a 5 year friendship with my friend while knowing she hadn't actually done what she'd said she did. All for the sake of protecting his relationship.

I'm really confused.