Resolutions

Mum told me I have to lose weight. She actually called me overweight and that scared me, I just kind of thought of myself as a bit bigger than average and not skinny.

But she's right, and whenever she starts going on about 'it'll feel so much better' and 'I just want you to be the best you you can be', I agree with her.

Do you know how many people I stare at during the day? How many girls I size up and envy and wish I had her arms or her legs or her ass or that I could wear a dress like that, or whether if I was skinnier that guy would have talked to me or wondering what that girl is thinking when she looks at me and... etc etc etc. All the time. I'm trying not to, I am, but I agree with mum, I want to be skinnier, and get the best out of uni and feel confident and not hate myself every morning when I get dressed.

I want to be a size 10, not a 12 and occasional 14. I want to lose 10 kg at least. 10 in 10 weeks, that's my goal.  10, 10, 10.

I'll pretend it's like when I cut out chocolate before formal and got up and went walking at 6am every morning. I will put in the effort and the restraint. I will do sit ups and push ups and get my abs in shape, I will lose fat from cardio. I will jog/run twice a week, plus netball. I will walk the dogs twice a week. I will walk home from the bus stop, and not catch another bus for just 4 stops.

I will stop drinking hot chocolate. I will have salad every night goddamn it. I will not eat anything unhealthy after dinner except 1 a week, and only if I'm out, at a friends or out for dinner etc.

I can do this.

I will be hot this winter. I will.

PS and if this can improve chances of finding boys, and getting over you-know-who, what's the harm? If it gets me fitter, healthier, and improves my confidence, since he hurt it?

I'm getting at the age where if I kiss a guy, I might also touch a guy and a guy might touch me. I don't want those experiences ruined because of my body issues.

PPS when I say you-know-who hurt my confidence, I'm not sure how much truth is in that. He also made me feel incredibly beautiful and wanted at times too and those times count for a lot.