Fears and things.

Okay! So it's Wednesday night, midweek :) It is so good having no Uni or Work on Wednesday. I have all day to myself. Well mostly, Dad asked me to wire him 40 bucks for petrol -.-" so I had to walk down to the bank and do that. On the plus side, I'd never done it before, so new life skill acquired, and also it was a walk so you know...exercise.

I've been going well with the diet/ fitness. Counted calories the last 5 days. My workouts have been pretty bad today and yesterday but it's just a funk, along with really hurting feet and rain. I still tried to do something, I just didn't get my 10/12 laps.

Diet is good... I was a little concerned, compared to the weekend where my net was 200/400, on Monday/Tuesday it was much higher, 800/1000. I mean, it's still under 1200 and god, it better be, I'm not eating anything wrong. I'm not cutting out bread, and this is barely snacking. I'm not saying I need to snack, but if this is how many I'm consuming while being conscientious, god knows how many I was doing before and how I'm going to be keeping it under when I add in chocolate now and then, or a pizza or something, sheesh.

It mostly just scares me cos I certainly wasn't thinking like that last month, and I used to eat a whole pizza at dinner on Friday nights sometimes. That's a binge and a half. But whatever, I can't help that now, all I know is that now I have stopped that unhealthy behaviour and am now correcting it, as best I can.

Actually, I made major progress in that I bought scales today, both for weighing myself and kitchen scales, for my food.

I haven't weighed myself yet. I'm scared to, because I don't know what it'll say. I might as well just be honest, I don't know what I weight and I'm scared it'll be really high 70's. When I got on the scales a few weeks ago, I hopped off so quick I don't know what number I saw. I have been putting 75 on all my weightloss things, but what id that number was 79? So if after everything so far, it says 77 (or god forbid, higher), then I'm so fucked and since I was already overwhelmed with everything I have to lose, if nothing I have done so far even puts me and the beginning weight of what I said I was (which is bad enough), then I'll hate it.

Honestly, if it's over 74, I'm going to be upset.

But I'm waiting until morning, when I'll be at my lightest, and then face the music.

And at least in the future, I'll be able to keep track. That's worth something.