Pre weigh-in

So... today was my rest day. I was out last night late so obviously I didn't want to get up at 7am to run. Or even 8am.

I suppose since I haven't blogged lately, I should mention that I have been running 5kms the last few mornings. I ran my first 5k on Tuesday of this week while at Beaton Park with Mia (crazy awesome achievement, go me!) and  was able to run it again Wednesday and Thursday by myself in the morning. For less than an hour of exercise, I am burning close to 500 calories. Getting it out of the way that early is really good too, because though I can have hateful thoughts towards it at the time, the rest of my day after I've run is so positive, because I've done my good deed of the day and I'm happy and proud and full of endorphins. It also gives me more flexibility with my eating.

Right now, I'm being pretty flexible with it. My calorie intake is higher than 1200 pretty much every day and I have chocolate too. Just once a day and only a small serving size but chocolate (caramel slice has been this weeks treat) none the less. That's the moderation theory right? If I have things to look forward to in my diet then I don't feel deprived and I won't go for clinkers. I have to recognise that that is the absolute worst, most self-sabotaging thing I can do. When I buy one pack, I eat it all and the next day I go back for more. sometimes 2 packs. So that's 3 days and quite possibly more than 2000 calories consumed and I'm stuck craving more for the next few days. It's a binge, that's what it is and I can't deal well with binges. I can't deal with putting the numbers in myfitnesspal. So I stop counting completely, I refuse to weigh myself. Last week I couldn't exercise because of my ankle so I was stuck at home in a rut and if I can't nip that into a bud, it could spell disaster and falling off the wagon.

Thankfully, in less than a week I was able to get back into it. I haven't weighed in yet but I'm hopeful because I feel good and have been having a great week I think. I've been drinking water like crazy, exercising every day and making good food choices. That isnt to say I haven't eaten out, because I have, or that I've made perfect choices, but I have been proud of myself for the things I've accomplished this week. Like eating only half a pizza at a pizza restaurant, even though I could easily have finished off the whole thing. I realised I didn't need more. I had Megan offering me one of her pieces, because she legit only wanted half of hers and split the other 4 pieces between the rest of us. I had dibs and it looked yummy but I'd eaten slowly with a knife and fork and had a LOT of water and guess what? I didn't want that anymore. My stomach was satisfied and I realised it looked like nothing more than 100 calories I'd been eating for nothing but a little bit of pleasure.

I've watched my brother eat actual Dominoes Pizza and craved it but not touched it. I've come home late at night and opened the fridge and cupboard automatically for a snack but realising that was crazy when again, all I was looking for was some pleasure from a sweet taste- my stomach was fine. I drove all my friends through Macca's drive through for ice cream but wasn't even tempted.

I love love love my oats in the morning. I love the milk and honey. I love boiled eggs and toast. I actually prefer multigrain to white bread now. It's just an automatic change. I'm making myself such interesting meals lately.

I went shopping and felt okay with it. Sure, dress shopping was still a trial and I couldn't find anything flattering yet, but I bought size 10 skinny jeans. I don't think I've ever worn skinny jeans before but now I own some. I bought them though they don't fit yet. I wanted them to be too small so I can try them on each week or so until they do fit. My goal of being a size 10 is reasonable and incredibly motivating at the same time. Actually, it's too reasonable because I only bought them yesterday but with an empty tummy, they do up and everything. Sure, I have muffin top and big thighs but they fit. A month from now I'm hoping they fit flatteringly. I bought exericse pants too, because my other ones are getting too loose. I'm wearing size 10's now. Hurrah. I'm not saying I'm a size 10, god no, I'm still a size 12 and occasional 14  but change is happening and slowly but surely, my everything is going to shrink and tone and disappear until I'm fit and cute and look hot.

I'm feeling good and positive and who knows what the scale will say in the morning? Maybe it won't be good. My binge week did happen and I maybe ate over maintenance levels but this week I feel like I should lose some serious weight. I feel good and thinner. So I have my hopes raised dangerously high for a girl that probably shouldn't have them high at all but... oh well.

I'm going for a run right after I weigh in so if it's a good number, I'll be celebrating and be able to go well and if it's a bad number, I'll be disappointed but as long as I can get myself out the door, I can use my anger and unhappiness to run further, so I won't be disappointed next week. And I'll feel better after my run anyway because I always do.

I won't let tomorrow throw me off this weightloss journey. So many positives have come out of it already. A bunch of my friends are doing it with me, or in their own ways. I have a ton of support from everyone around me and on the internet. I've never been prouder of something I'm doing before. The effort I'm putting into running, the restraint I'm showing with my diet and the way I'm not giving up, I'm doing something to be proud of and it's making everyone happy with me.

I'll post tomorrow with the results xx