monday

I feel.... disappointed. I feel like I've been trying really hard, been eating right even when eating right sucks and now it's not showing. Last Wednesday when I blogged I was 71.8. Since then I have bounced around down to 71.3 and now back up to 71.8. I don't understand it and it makes me angry and pissed off and makes me want to buy a whole pack of Clinkers, knowing that I have never been able to avoid finishing off the whole packet in less than a day.

Now Mia has lost 3 kilos, in basically a week. She has done less than me, I know that for a fact. She acknowledges that she hasn't exercised that much or avoided everything unhealthy. She doesn't need it as much as I do but she saw results and I wish I did too.

I need to be happy for her and I am, I'm just frustrated right this moment. I need to focus on the fact that I can run. That I am going to go for a run and I'm going to get a PB and come back and be brilliant today.

I haven't run for awhile because I've been busy and injured and slack and maybe that's why I didn't lose anything. I don't want that to be the case so I will run today and I will try to hold off on the Clinkers and I WILL AVOID THIS BINGE AND THIS BAD DAY AND MAKE IT A GOOD DAY BECAUSE THAT IS IN MY POWER AND THIS IS MY DECISION AND MY CONTROL.

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Everything is shit.

That is all