Cravings and more

Today is going to be one of those days I swear...

I woke up thinking about chocolate and my mouth hasn't stopped watering since.

I don't know what it is, ever since I started calorie counting and reducing my diet (healthily) I'm just obsessed with food. I'm thinking 'when can I eat next?' a lot. Not because I'm starving and hungry, just because I want food. Thankfully Mia can relate, cos she loves food too :) Though in general, when I'm not calorie counting, she's much better at diet than me. I'm much more likely to overeat or be like 'yolo' and dig into chocolate.

But I'm super happy she's doing this the same way I am, with exercise and whatnot. I'm fitter than her so I have a small accomplishment there lol. But she's going to try to improve by doing the C25K too. I've just finished Week 3. It means next week I have to be able to do a 5 minute straight jog. In between other 3 minute jogs. It's intimidating but that's why I'm going to do my Week 3 again today, and hope to add in a few 4 minutes'. That'll be the connector, Because 2 extra minutes of jogging isn't anything to scoff over. It's actually hard (at my fitness/endurance level). I do believe it is partly motivation and positive self talk but sometimes you just can't. Though having said that, I'm sure I can do this today. As long as I'm increasing my ability a bit at a time, I should be okay.

And reminder, since I just started running again this week, I've already seen some improvement. So anyway, Mia is starting Week 1so really, she's only 2 weeks worth of improvement behind me so I'll use that as motivation to keep going and improving! I'm just a tad annoyed at myself that I didn't get up early and run because I have no motivation right now. I apparently put on half a kilo since yesterday which is BS, since I was perfect yesterday and my scale gave me 4 different numbers each time I stepped on.

Maybe it's Shark Week alert. Maybe my scale has just got unreliable since I haven't used it in a few months. It's in the bathroom so it sometimes gets a bit of water on it? Either way, I'm a bit disappointed because I was hoping to lose something. I know my motivation today would be higher if I had, because I'd think 'OK, all I have to do is what I did yesterday and I'll continue losing!" Instead I can't help but think 'what did I do wrong, why would I run today if it clearly didn't help, what's the point, where's the chocolate?'

THat was overly dramatic but that's the gist. And then I justify it like 'Well, maybe my calories were too low and I need them higher to lose weight?' But that certainly doesn't mean I should go grab the block of chocolate.

Also I think I'm bored because I ate 45 minutes ago (porridge with skim milk and honey- food of the gods) and I keep looking towards the kitchen and thinking about the block of chocolate. Omg, I can feel it melting on my tongue, I'm legit salivating. WANT.

I won't though, don't want to let the fitblrs down and I hate having chocolate on my myfitnesspal. And for dinner I'm most likely going to have a 1/4 of chicken and chicken pasta salad as well. I started doing that instead of chips a few months ago- one of the changes I made, but apparently it's not really good for me at all. Half a cup= 300 calories. Considering the small I usually get is at least double that, plus the actual chicken, that's 900 calories. At least. Shit. But it's my Friday night dinner, I just need to work out the best way to do it and try to keep it 600 calories-ish. Which is way more than I usually allot for dinner (generally 400-450ish).

So I'll run today, probs with Mia (300cals). I have netball training, where I will probably burn another 100cals, plus walking to training (25 mins), another 100 cals. So if I'm good and do it all, that's 500 calorie deficit to work with.

A girl on Tumblr has offered to be my fitness buddy and she told me I should eat those exercise calories back. I don't like it but it'll help me out today, with this half cheat meal. I'll also have to restrict snacks today. I'll replace my 160cal yogurt yummy with either an apple or nothing. My lunch I think I was planning to make 'mini pizza' aka a whole grain wrap with ham and cheese. I legit have no veggies in the house except carrot. I should go down the shops and buy tomatoes and lettuce etc at least.

~

I forgot we had cherry tomatoes in the fridge so I used those. I was wary of going to the shops cos I always buy more than I intend to and I didn't want to go anywhere I could buy clinkers (aka the best chocolates in the world).

It was the scrummiest pizza ever. I bought pizza sauce last time I was at the shops so I used a teeny bit of that. I diced up 1.5 slices of ham which was all we had left but it was enough, chopped up about 4 or 5 cherry tomatoes, and 30g of cheese which was more than enough. Under the grill for a few minutes to melt the cheese and warm/crisp it up, then I sliced it into four pieces and enjoyed it for like, half an hour.

I also realised it was boredom cravings for chocolate, I don't need it at all :) Once I got my hands busy sewing buttons and watching the Glee Project I completely forgot about it. And now I'm really full from the pizza. I mean, more than I expected to be. And it was only 350 calories which is great.

It means for dinner tonight I have 550 legit calories to consume, and if I get my 500 calories of exercise this afternoon (and I certainly plan to), then I can have my pasta salad and chicken and I won't feel guilty. I mean, it is supposed to be salad. Even if it's pasta, it's got greens n shit in it as well. Or I'll find a different salad to tempt me when I go this evening.

~

I love that this blog post is just me alllllll day long. I had my 1/4 of chicken with chicken BLT salad. I'm not a fan of bacon but just a leafy salad rather than a pasta one was a much better choice calorie wise... though I do love my pasta.

So I did all my exercise, and only had an apple as a snack. I feel great and my calorie count is 1204 total. So really, I didn't eat back any of the calories I lost today. Oh well. I just didn't need to, though I was pretty weak at netball training. I think that was soreness/tiredness though, not lethargy from lack of nutrition.

It's only half past 7 now, but I am not going to have anything else for dessert, I'm proud of myself today. I went into it with cravings and expectations for some failure and I proved I didn't need any of that and had my best overall day calorie wise. My net calories are the lowest they've been all week, because I burned the most through exercise. I'm incredibly consistent actual calorie wise. I always get my 1200 exactly. Well, just under. Today is the first time I've gone over (by 4).

Ah well.

Signing off,
Love Lucy