What do I want to do with my life?
For background, I'm 19, in my second year of my Psychology and Commerce degrees at UOW. Why am I doing Commerce? I don't fucking know, I just like the idea of knowing how money and the economy works and how to budget and do accounting, sheesh, everybody asks me but I just want to be self relient ok?
I do Commerce not because it really grinds my gears (spoiler, it doesn't) but the future is a scary place full of a lot of uncertainty, if I can get a second degree for only an extra year of study, isn't it worth it? What if I want to run my own psychology clinic and don't trust my accountant? What if I work for 10 years with abused women and children and burn out because I just can't handle it anymore and I need a new career? What if the GFC gets worse and I need to know what to do with the stock market? I think there is value in a commerce degree, even if I don't want to sit at a desk in some office somewhere doing supply chain management.
I want... in my heart of hearts, to work as a psychologist with children with behavioural and developmental disorders. And not like, one examination and then refer them off to a specialist, I want to be a specialist, I want to work with the same kids all the time, as a behavioural therapist, maybe with children with autism. I'd like to be a teacher.
It's difficult to talk about this with my best friend or you-know-who, because they both have direct connections to ASD so I feel awkward, because obviously they live with it and I don't want them to feel like I am trivialising or like I have this fantasy of what autistic kids are like or that I want to save them or make them 'normal' or any of that. I can't say 'I think autism as I disorder is fascinating and that's why I want to work with kids with it' because I don't know if that is rude or disrespectful. But honestly, it's true. I want to work with kids like that, because there is something inherently different
about the way they are and of course all people with autism are different and individuals and I don't know, it's been something that I've tried to make myself knowledgeable about since I was young, and I've read lots of books and online and made friends with a bunch of people with autism but the fact is, I'm not autistic, I don't have a relative with diagnosed ASD and I feel like without that personal connection, I'm just this stupid white girl with dreams of 'saving people' and that isn't it at all, I just want to help and do it in a field that interests me, that's all. I want to be a teacher and form relationships with the people I am helping and I don't think it's bad.
I feel like I have a lot of guilt over this and I don't know how justified it is. I don't know where I can get experience though... there was a volunteering opportunity on one of the noticeboards for an autistic child in Kiama but that's pretty far and I'd have to make a 6 month commitment and I'm busy as fuck already. I should talk to my bffl about this, because her sister has autism and maybe she'd have suggestions or let me babysit her sister, but again, weird because her sister is about 13.
Anyway, that's my goal. To be a clinical psychologist, which is the way I want to go about doing this, I need to get my Masters in psychology and then do a year interning basically to get my qualification. I'm assuming I'll know more about what I need to do by then.
Also just this song.
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