January 1st! 2013!
I spent New Years Eve trying not to die from lack of sleep until sunrise - which did not come, at least not where we could see from the beach. Too many clouds this year sadly.
Maybe I could wake up early tomorrow morning and go see it? Keep going each morning until I get a good one. Maybe not. I suppose it'll depend on how I sleep tonight. Obviously after staying up all night, my sleep is quite disrupted. I slept from 7:30am to 11:30am, then from 1pm to 6pm. That's a good nights sleep, only it was all during the day.
My contacts are acting up a bit which makes my eyes hurt and feel tired though, so hopefully that'll mean I sleep tonight.
NYE was nice, but nothing special. Spent it with a few friends at a party. The best thing was that the theme of the party was 'identity swap'. So each person had to dress up as their partner or friend. I dressed up as my friend Jess, she dressed up as my friend Megan and Megan dressed up as me. I won't upload pics, but my friend Megan, oh my goodness, it was so funny.
My party style is short dresses, curled hair and significant amounts of eyeliner. She also stuffed an extremely padded 10D bra with tissues, which she then pulled up to create a look which I did once, unintentionally and it was the dresses fault, so the bra is showing above the dress line.
Overall, it was basically a chance to us to insult each other (perhaps unintentionally) with how we viewed not only fashion choices but mannerisms.
I realised a few things about myself that I need to work on, including the awkward way I stand, with my fingers half linked in front of me nervously. I also want to work on my dancing. I just don't dance naturally, so when I dance with people, I tend to just adjust to how other people dance, people who move so naturally that I get jealous.
I left Jess's house at about midday. She and Megan were still sleeping but it was so hot all of a sudden when I woke up next to Megan all squished and sweaty so I just got my stuff together and left. Sometimes I regret doing stuff like that, but I'm introverted enough that after 18 hours, I just like to get home to my own bed and own food and shower. Especially when I just want to fall into a nice cool sleep coma. I mean, Jess woke up long enough for me to say goodbye, I didn't just sneak off like a one night stand but perks of driving the car, I can decide when I want to leave myself and not have to wait around forever being bored or slightly uncomfortable.
As far as New Years Revolutions go, it's mostly just to get fit. I stopped trying. Not caring, I still cared as much as ever, but I let laziness get the better of me. But with two friends having both lost over 10kg each this year, I need to get my butt into action. If they can do it, I can. These are both girls who act so much more comfortable with themselves already. Maybe they just hide it better.
So I'll be trying to do the fitness thing again.
And New Years Revelations, I'm pretty certain I'm bisexual. That isn't new, obviously but mostly I'm like, bicurious sure, but bisexual is different. Still, I check out girls, I've fallen in love with a girl before, I have girls I want to kiss, that's pretty much all areas of sexuality. I like guys for sure, and I don't think I want to date a girl, because I don't want to go the gay way, I'm fully supportive of gay rights and LGBT but why make life harder for myself?
Tuesday, 1 January 2013
Sunday, 30 December 2012
Misandry
I dont think I have many misandry-ist opinions. Like, I'm all for equality, my understanding of it however is under the assumption that we live in a patriarchal society and that where men are seen as the default, women are the 'other', the companion, partner, sidekick, second. This is the perspective that I base my arguments and beliefs on.
I RECOGNISE that there are such things such as female privilege, I've tried writing up a list before, or using one written by men's rights activists but they are mostly bullshit. Even the good stuff, you can explain under the theory of patriarchy.
And what these mens rights activists complain about, generally is what women deal with, but only like a fraction. Like, if they are butthurt over 3 things, feminists are over 40 things.
There are some exceptions, I was watching a youtube video about how on the Talk, the women were laughing and generally making light of the fact that one women cut off her husbands dick. And it is true that the opposite genders couldn't make those jokes in the same way on national television. And I asked myself why that is, because this isn't the first time I've heard stories like that. Like, the grandma who shot the balls off the man who raped her granddaughter and everyone was commenting 'good on her' and 'he deserved it' and I was just like, backing away cos that's fucked.
I think that is wrong, I really do. I perhaps think that I have too much respect for the legal system in some ways, but I find it comforting to know that there is an agreed system in place to deal with crimes, and that taking matters into your own hands is dangerous to society. Rules are important.
I'm still trying to work out why people think that violence against men in this way is okay. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that it is women taking back power from abusive men, finding their own power. It demonises men in a society that- I wouldn't say values per se, but sympathises with them in cases like this.
It's stupid because violence isn't stopped the way it should be and power is something men are encouraged to have, to be strong and dominant etc, but at the same time, women have got the upper hand in modern times in that abuse is not condoned in most cases and there is a lot of anger there from women.
here is a comprehensive list of men's rights activists issues. I won't deny they are issues, but I consider them issues that will be resolved through feminism or a male group working with feminism, not one that works against it. I think that feminism in my understanding is just not understood by MRA's.
Oh. That really explains the whole white feather fiasco.
The white feather issue was during the first world war. Conscientious objectors and young able men who did not sign up for the military were shamed from cowardice through the use of white feathers. Young women would give the feathers to the men, on the street, in shops etc, and generally shun them for not signing up. This is a real example of using one gender to influence the other, and shows the power women can hold. This links into the next point, but lack of gender equality means stereotypes and differing expectations of men and women- that men are meant to be strong and brave and protect the helpless women. Consider this- while men were forced into the military, men were also allowed to become educated, and become doctors and lawyers and politions. They were allowed to work and vote. Let's be real here, women didn't get the vote in Britain until after this war was over.
That explains the draft.
Women are fighting to get into the military, they are fighting to be allowed into special forces and to be recognised as capable in this capacity. The military had almost forever been a boys club and feminism obviously is trying to change that. It is men who make the arguments that their physical capabilities make them superior in this area, while feminists argue to let there be requirements to be in the military- based on ability and strength, not gender. There are women who are stronger than some men, that is a fact. In Australia, there isn't a draft, conscription isn't legal here. I don't believe in it. While the draft isn't in effect, stop complaining about it. My history isn't very good, but it's been a long awhile since it's happened and a lot has changed.
That explains why men get more jail time for the same crimes.
Actually, I've seen stats that say while women are much less likely to be convicted, when they are, their sentences are longer. And let's combat that with the fact that people go to jail longer for plagerism in some cases, then for brutal rape and murder. See how much women are valued in this society. How about the fact that only about 5% of rapists ever serve time in jail.
That explains “women and children first”.
Women are seen as helpless, weak and needing protection. This is a image feminists are trying to remove. Women and children first is not equality.
That explains chivalry in a time when women and men are paid equally for equal work and qualifications.
Women make 77c to the male dollar. Equal pay for equal work doesn't mean we're on equal financial footing, when it has been proven that with equal resumes, men are much more likely to be hired and thought competent. Only 3 on Fortunes top 500 are women. How about the glass ceiling.
That explains infant male genital mutilation.
This one is legitimate as a cause, but not one to throw at feminists. Women in some countries are still dealing with female circumsision, which involved cutting off the clitoris. which is akin to cutting off a males penis. It leads to painful, if possible, sexual intercourse, and while I'm not at expert, I believe it is stitched up basically over the vagina so penetration is difficult and without the clit, very, very unpleasant.
That explains why “teach men not to rape” is acceptable when “teach murderers not to murder” is seen as ridiculous.
It is ridiculous to 'teach people not to murder' because WE ALREADY DO. Murder is not acceptable in society! It's the worst crime that can be commited, with the harshest penalties. But rape culture teaches us to blame the victim, that what a woman is wearing, what she was drinking, whether she was promiscious, if she had implied sex was on the table, are all legitimate excuses a rapist can use. You don't blame a murder victim, but you imply that someone 'wanted' to be raped. Teaching men not ot rape is a good campaign because it puts the blame where it belongs, on the rapist who had sex with someone who did not, or could not consent.
That explains why female survivors of wartime are considered the “real” victims instead of their husbands and fathers and brothers who died.
Yet we continually honour military service, we hold parades, have a deep respect and admiration for soldiers. Also having sympathy for those let behind in grief is not wrong at all...
That explains why old women who outlive their husbands are pitied instead of their husbands who died before their time.
Same point, and I don't think this is one way. Men who outlive their wives are seen the same way, only women have a longer life expectancy- which isn't a social issue- so it's more often women outliving their partner.
I'll continue this tomorrow. It's late and these arguments are long.
That explains why men are turned away at the door in most homeless and abuse shelters.
That explains why people laugh when a man gets hurt but are outraged/deeply saddened when the same exact thing happens to a woman.
That explains the legal definition of rape in the US (and indeed in many countries).
That explains the alteration of educational standards to improve the scores of girls and decrease the scores of boys.
That explains “battered woman syndrome”.
That explains stranger danger.
That explains the heralding of single mothers as strong and courageous despite the evidence of the effect it tends to have on the children they raise.
That explains child custody and child support standards.
That explains how rape or abuse allegations are handled.
That explains why even though girls are touted as mentally maturing faster than boys, it’s a heinous crime to have sex with a 14 year old girl, but a 14 year old boy just got lucky.
That explains why a drunk man can rape a sober woman, but not the other way around.
That explains why a little boy can commit statutory rape of a little girl, but not the other way around.
That explains why a woman can rape a man or steal his sperm and still legally force him to pay child support.
I RECOGNISE that there are such things such as female privilege, I've tried writing up a list before, or using one written by men's rights activists but they are mostly bullshit. Even the good stuff, you can explain under the theory of patriarchy.
And what these mens rights activists complain about, generally is what women deal with, but only like a fraction. Like, if they are butthurt over 3 things, feminists are over 40 things.
There are some exceptions, I was watching a youtube video about how on the Talk, the women were laughing and generally making light of the fact that one women cut off her husbands dick. And it is true that the opposite genders couldn't make those jokes in the same way on national television. And I asked myself why that is, because this isn't the first time I've heard stories like that. Like, the grandma who shot the balls off the man who raped her granddaughter and everyone was commenting 'good on her' and 'he deserved it' and I was just like, backing away cos that's fucked.
I think that is wrong, I really do. I perhaps think that I have too much respect for the legal system in some ways, but I find it comforting to know that there is an agreed system in place to deal with crimes, and that taking matters into your own hands is dangerous to society. Rules are important.
I'm still trying to work out why people think that violence against men in this way is okay. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that it is women taking back power from abusive men, finding their own power. It demonises men in a society that- I wouldn't say values per se, but sympathises with them in cases like this.
It's stupid because violence isn't stopped the way it should be and power is something men are encouraged to have, to be strong and dominant etc, but at the same time, women have got the upper hand in modern times in that abuse is not condoned in most cases and there is a lot of anger there from women.
here is a comprehensive list of men's rights activists issues. I won't deny they are issues, but I consider them issues that will be resolved through feminism or a male group working with feminism, not one that works against it. I think that feminism in my understanding is just not understood by MRA's.
Oh. That really explains the whole white feather fiasco.
The white feather issue was during the first world war. Conscientious objectors and young able men who did not sign up for the military were shamed from cowardice through the use of white feathers. Young women would give the feathers to the men, on the street, in shops etc, and generally shun them for not signing up. This is a real example of using one gender to influence the other, and shows the power women can hold. This links into the next point, but lack of gender equality means stereotypes and differing expectations of men and women- that men are meant to be strong and brave and protect the helpless women. Consider this- while men were forced into the military, men were also allowed to become educated, and become doctors and lawyers and politions. They were allowed to work and vote. Let's be real here, women didn't get the vote in Britain until after this war was over.
That explains the draft.
Women are fighting to get into the military, they are fighting to be allowed into special forces and to be recognised as capable in this capacity. The military had almost forever been a boys club and feminism obviously is trying to change that. It is men who make the arguments that their physical capabilities make them superior in this area, while feminists argue to let there be requirements to be in the military- based on ability and strength, not gender. There are women who are stronger than some men, that is a fact. In Australia, there isn't a draft, conscription isn't legal here. I don't believe in it. While the draft isn't in effect, stop complaining about it. My history isn't very good, but it's been a long awhile since it's happened and a lot has changed.
That explains why men get more jail time for the same crimes.
Actually, I've seen stats that say while women are much less likely to be convicted, when they are, their sentences are longer. And let's combat that with the fact that people go to jail longer for plagerism in some cases, then for brutal rape and murder. See how much women are valued in this society. How about the fact that only about 5% of rapists ever serve time in jail.
That explains “women and children first”.
Women are seen as helpless, weak and needing protection. This is a image feminists are trying to remove. Women and children first is not equality.
That explains chivalry in a time when women and men are paid equally for equal work and qualifications.
Women make 77c to the male dollar. Equal pay for equal work doesn't mean we're on equal financial footing, when it has been proven that with equal resumes, men are much more likely to be hired and thought competent. Only 3 on Fortunes top 500 are women. How about the glass ceiling.
That explains infant male genital mutilation.
This one is legitimate as a cause, but not one to throw at feminists. Women in some countries are still dealing with female circumsision, which involved cutting off the clitoris. which is akin to cutting off a males penis. It leads to painful, if possible, sexual intercourse, and while I'm not at expert, I believe it is stitched up basically over the vagina so penetration is difficult and without the clit, very, very unpleasant.
That explains why “teach men not to rape” is acceptable when “teach murderers not to murder” is seen as ridiculous.
It is ridiculous to 'teach people not to murder' because WE ALREADY DO. Murder is not acceptable in society! It's the worst crime that can be commited, with the harshest penalties. But rape culture teaches us to blame the victim, that what a woman is wearing, what she was drinking, whether she was promiscious, if she had implied sex was on the table, are all legitimate excuses a rapist can use. You don't blame a murder victim, but you imply that someone 'wanted' to be raped. Teaching men not ot rape is a good campaign because it puts the blame where it belongs, on the rapist who had sex with someone who did not, or could not consent.
That explains why female survivors of wartime are considered the “real” victims instead of their husbands and fathers and brothers who died.
Yet we continually honour military service, we hold parades, have a deep respect and admiration for soldiers. Also having sympathy for those let behind in grief is not wrong at all...
That explains why old women who outlive their husbands are pitied instead of their husbands who died before their time.
Same point, and I don't think this is one way. Men who outlive their wives are seen the same way, only women have a longer life expectancy- which isn't a social issue- so it's more often women outliving their partner.
I'll continue this tomorrow. It's late and these arguments are long.
That explains why men are turned away at the door in most homeless and abuse shelters.
That explains why people laugh when a man gets hurt but are outraged/deeply saddened when the same exact thing happens to a woman.
That explains the legal definition of rape in the US (and indeed in many countries).
That explains the alteration of educational standards to improve the scores of girls and decrease the scores of boys.
That explains “battered woman syndrome”.
That explains stranger danger.
That explains the heralding of single mothers as strong and courageous despite the evidence of the effect it tends to have on the children they raise.
That explains child custody and child support standards.
That explains how rape or abuse allegations are handled.
That explains why even though girls are touted as mentally maturing faster than boys, it’s a heinous crime to have sex with a 14 year old girl, but a 14 year old boy just got lucky.
That explains why a drunk man can rape a sober woman, but not the other way around.
That explains why a little boy can commit statutory rape of a little girl, but not the other way around.
That explains why a woman can rape a man or steal his sperm and still legally force him to pay child support.
Wednesday, 26 December 2012
The Walking Dead
So I started watching The Walking Dead today. Holy shit is it good. I've been meaning to watch it since the beginning of the holidays but you know, procrastination. I have a whole list of shows I was supposed to be test driving so I watched the beginning of Parks and Rec as well today, the first 3 episodes. I like the lead actor in that so that's why, I can't spell her last name, Amy P. But the humour isn't exactly mine so we'll see.
But the walking dead, zombie apocalypse is my favourite, so it's good. You-know-who and I were talking about it a few weeks ago so I know the general plot line but it is really really good. I can't not watch without my feminist goggles but even so.
Like, it's the kind of female representation that is pretty common, it's very normal. It's like the 5 man band trope, one of the 5 is a woman, the rest are by default men. So you get the leader, the hunter, the black one, the funny one, and the chick. I think those are the five. Everything I say is also applicable to racism and black people, at least in American media, which is basically the default as well. So the woman is competent and might not even serve any romantic plot but the ratio of 4 or 5 to one is pretty legit in most tv or movies. Think Avengers. It gives girls someone to relate to and like, like being the pink power ranger. Though I think there were actually two girl power rangers? Idk, I didn't like power rangers. When the ratio gets out of whack, with god forbid, even an even number of male/female, people look at it weirdly. I do. Only exception is generally chick flicks, but the name shows it right there, if there is an even number of women in a plot, or more women, though its almost never you get no undeveloped men, it's classified a girl movie. But movies with a majority of males is just a movie.
So yeah, this show isn't stepping much outside the box in that way. I know the names of about 5 men and one chick, who is the wife and mother of the protagonist and son. While two women were out on the mission with let me think, 5 dudes, they were background mostly, and had barely a stand out moment.
However I'm not dissing TWD totally. I can't remember the name of the test, but it passes or fails movies based on if a female character has a conversation with another that is not about a guy. Like, if they are rival romantic interests of the main dude bro, them talking about it doesn't count. And there has been that. I'm on episode 4, and it's happened, let's see.... twice. And I'm pleased with that, how gross is that? In about 3 and a half hours of footage, about 2 minutes of it was dedicated to a female relationship. One between sisters and one between all the women as they washed clothes by the lake.
The scene was positive in that one of them actually spoke up about the division of labour, then they talked about things they missed, like their washing machine, coffee maker, car, then one said vibrator and they all oohed and laughed, then another older one agreed and they started cacking themselves, good naturedly, like that was a organic scene.
Then an utter asshole white male douchebag comes over, tells them to stop laughing and get back to work, they all quiet, the college educated one (basically me, except prettier and blonder) was like, if you want it done, do it yourself. She's dead now.
He threatened her, then told his wife to follow him, they were going back to camp. Then women were like 'she doesn't have to go', and tried to pull her back because he was abusive and shit, they were all yelling and he hit her and she fell back, and then the other main leader dudebro came and beat the shit out of him.
And of course the wife ran to him and tended to him once he finished punching the crap out of him.
But it was a powerful scene and I really like the walking dead so I'm going to keep watching.
Because the thing is, this kind of representation is normal. I write apocalypse stories like this, worse. I mean, as far as male/female representation goes. I read a lot of dytopias with really fucked up gender dynamics.
See, the thing is, I don't mind reading about fucked up gender dynamics, I love it. It hits on lots of the right things for me. I just need it to be done in a way that is showing the evils of it, not being like 'fuckin' right, put women in their place, this is how society should be'.
So the Handmaid's Tale, or The Postman, or any other one, they're great. The Walking Dead has been good so far dealing with redneck, south US state white assholes and racism. Now they're doing sexism so let's see.
-----
So I finished the 2nd season, I feel slightly disappointed. It wasn't as good as the first season and I had a lot more problems with it.
It's a very guy oriented show. It is sexist. It does make caricatures of women and uses them as tools to guide the male narrative.
http://opinionessoftheworld.com/2012/04/10/the-walking-dead-and-gender/
This is an article that sums it up brilliantly. This is a great quote.
“[The Walking Dead goes out of its] way to demonstrate that those women had to first be saved by a righteous man. In order for women to become competent and determined, a man had to first stand up and make a space for them. Until a man appeared as savior, the women were doomed to be physically overpowered and sexually exploited.”
My favourite female character is called Andrea. She was a successful civil rights laywer before the zombie apocalypse and is the only female who becomes 'one of the guys' when it comes to carrying a gun and shooting proficiently, guarding the perimeter and providing protection.
She is the only 'strong female character'. I am not the type of feminist that believes that women need to be more like men to be valuable, or that devalues traditional women's roles, but it is very hard to like characters that are used purely as props to male characters, and Andrea defies that better than most.
The other main female character (who dies next season, thank God), is the wife of the protagonist Rick. He was believed dead at the beginning of the apocalypse and Lori and her son were saved by his best friend and partner Shane. Shane falls in love with Lori and in her grief they become lovers.
When Rick finds then, she immediately goes back to him, and basically, in not much kinder words, tells him to fuck off, stay away from her and her son.
While I wouldn't have blamed her for going back to her husband, she dealt with the love triangle business badly and I didn't like her for her treatment of Shane, who was my first favourite character.
I don't generally like the main hero, when it's a guy. It's not that it's a guy, but the hero trope pisses me off. It really made no sense that Rick took over from Shane as leader of the group and when everyone just started to listen to him and do everything he said, it was weird and I was like, why are they following him? They blame it on charisma but it's really not there. And you know when shows decide that the 'hero' is always morally right and in-show, it's always the other characters that get shamed and the hero is always in the right and everyone worships the ground they walk on, even though I'm watching in the audience like 'what the fuck'. Same with Finn in Glee and Clark in Smallville. It's why I'm always drawn to the anti heroes who generally have a point.
I still can't believe that my favourite character is a racist redneck but he actually is the best at not taking agency away from the female characters. And for all his faults, he actually developed best of everyone. He still lashes out and has a long way to go, but he and Carol, a domestic abuse survivor who also lost her daughter in season 2, have a semi-good relationship and occasionally bring out the best in each other.
Season 3 is possibly the best yet... I still have a lot of problems with gender, race and representation but there were some improvements. Daryl (everyone's favourite redneck) is even more brilliant than ever. He and Carol are awesome, if they got together it'd defy a lot of stereotypes but I think it could be amazing. But I ship them just as bros as well.
Carl, the kid, annoys the crap out of me. Just in general, 'daddy's gone, you're the man of the house now' cliches piss me off, but in a zombie apocolypse, when there are adults around, EVEN IF THOSE ADULTS ARE WOMEN AND CRIPPLED MEN, why is this THIRTEEN YEAR OLD CHILD MAKING THE DECISIONS. It's fucking weird.
Andrea has gone much downhill, siding with her evil new lover who everyone knows is evil except her, despite quite a lot of evidence, she is still sticking with him and it's frigging annoying. He has taken away a lot of her agency and she's lost a lot of her opinions and has become a less rolemodel-y character.
Michonne on the other hand, her badass, Amazon warrior look a like saviour, is intense, says very little, cares for children and does the right things, has great instincts and a terrible past.... SOUNDS LIKE A NEW FAVOURITE CHARACTER ALERT. I like her muchly.
No more episodes until February now but I do like the walking dead, it's a great show, it's a treat to get to see a zombie apocalypse in TV show format, which is of course my favourite format, even beating out books (blasphemy!!).
But the walking dead, zombie apocalypse is my favourite, so it's good. You-know-who and I were talking about it a few weeks ago so I know the general plot line but it is really really good. I can't not watch without my feminist goggles but even so.
Like, it's the kind of female representation that is pretty common, it's very normal. It's like the 5 man band trope, one of the 5 is a woman, the rest are by default men. So you get the leader, the hunter, the black one, the funny one, and the chick. I think those are the five. Everything I say is also applicable to racism and black people, at least in American media, which is basically the default as well. So the woman is competent and might not even serve any romantic plot but the ratio of 4 or 5 to one is pretty legit in most tv or movies. Think Avengers. It gives girls someone to relate to and like, like being the pink power ranger. Though I think there were actually two girl power rangers? Idk, I didn't like power rangers. When the ratio gets out of whack, with god forbid, even an even number of male/female, people look at it weirdly. I do. Only exception is generally chick flicks, but the name shows it right there, if there is an even number of women in a plot, or more women, though its almost never you get no undeveloped men, it's classified a girl movie. But movies with a majority of males is just a movie.
So yeah, this show isn't stepping much outside the box in that way. I know the names of about 5 men and one chick, who is the wife and mother of the protagonist and son. While two women were out on the mission with let me think, 5 dudes, they were background mostly, and had barely a stand out moment.
However I'm not dissing TWD totally. I can't remember the name of the test, but it passes or fails movies based on if a female character has a conversation with another that is not about a guy. Like, if they are rival romantic interests of the main dude bro, them talking about it doesn't count. And there has been that. I'm on episode 4, and it's happened, let's see.... twice. And I'm pleased with that, how gross is that? In about 3 and a half hours of footage, about 2 minutes of it was dedicated to a female relationship. One between sisters and one between all the women as they washed clothes by the lake.
The scene was positive in that one of them actually spoke up about the division of labour, then they talked about things they missed, like their washing machine, coffee maker, car, then one said vibrator and they all oohed and laughed, then another older one agreed and they started cacking themselves, good naturedly, like that was a organic scene.
Then an utter asshole white male douchebag comes over, tells them to stop laughing and get back to work, they all quiet, the college educated one (basically me, except prettier and blonder) was like, if you want it done, do it yourself. She's dead now.
He threatened her, then told his wife to follow him, they were going back to camp. Then women were like 'she doesn't have to go', and tried to pull her back because he was abusive and shit, they were all yelling and he hit her and she fell back, and then the other main leader dudebro came and beat the shit out of him.
And of course the wife ran to him and tended to him once he finished punching the crap out of him.
But it was a powerful scene and I really like the walking dead so I'm going to keep watching.
Because the thing is, this kind of representation is normal. I write apocalypse stories like this, worse. I mean, as far as male/female representation goes. I read a lot of dytopias with really fucked up gender dynamics.
See, the thing is, I don't mind reading about fucked up gender dynamics, I love it. It hits on lots of the right things for me. I just need it to be done in a way that is showing the evils of it, not being like 'fuckin' right, put women in their place, this is how society should be'.
So the Handmaid's Tale, or The Postman, or any other one, they're great. The Walking Dead has been good so far dealing with redneck, south US state white assholes and racism. Now they're doing sexism so let's see.
-----
So I finished the 2nd season, I feel slightly disappointed. It wasn't as good as the first season and I had a lot more problems with it.
It's a very guy oriented show. It is sexist. It does make caricatures of women and uses them as tools to guide the male narrative.
http://opinionessoftheworld.com/2012/04/10/the-walking-dead-and-gender/
This is an article that sums it up brilliantly. This is a great quote.
“[The Walking Dead goes out of its] way to demonstrate that those women had to first be saved by a righteous man. In order for women to become competent and determined, a man had to first stand up and make a space for them. Until a man appeared as savior, the women were doomed to be physically overpowered and sexually exploited.”
My favourite female character is called Andrea. She was a successful civil rights laywer before the zombie apocalypse and is the only female who becomes 'one of the guys' when it comes to carrying a gun and shooting proficiently, guarding the perimeter and providing protection.
She is the only 'strong female character'. I am not the type of feminist that believes that women need to be more like men to be valuable, or that devalues traditional women's roles, but it is very hard to like characters that are used purely as props to male characters, and Andrea defies that better than most.
The other main female character (who dies next season, thank God), is the wife of the protagonist Rick. He was believed dead at the beginning of the apocalypse and Lori and her son were saved by his best friend and partner Shane. Shane falls in love with Lori and in her grief they become lovers.
When Rick finds then, she immediately goes back to him, and basically, in not much kinder words, tells him to fuck off, stay away from her and her son.
While I wouldn't have blamed her for going back to her husband, she dealt with the love triangle business badly and I didn't like her for her treatment of Shane, who was my first favourite character.
I don't generally like the main hero, when it's a guy. It's not that it's a guy, but the hero trope pisses me off. It really made no sense that Rick took over from Shane as leader of the group and when everyone just started to listen to him and do everything he said, it was weird and I was like, why are they following him? They blame it on charisma but it's really not there. And you know when shows decide that the 'hero' is always morally right and in-show, it's always the other characters that get shamed and the hero is always in the right and everyone worships the ground they walk on, even though I'm watching in the audience like 'what the fuck'. Same with Finn in Glee and Clark in Smallville. It's why I'm always drawn to the anti heroes who generally have a point.
I still can't believe that my favourite character is a racist redneck but he actually is the best at not taking agency away from the female characters. And for all his faults, he actually developed best of everyone. He still lashes out and has a long way to go, but he and Carol, a domestic abuse survivor who also lost her daughter in season 2, have a semi-good relationship and occasionally bring out the best in each other.
Season 3 is possibly the best yet... I still have a lot of problems with gender, race and representation but there were some improvements. Daryl (everyone's favourite redneck) is even more brilliant than ever. He and Carol are awesome, if they got together it'd defy a lot of stereotypes but I think it could be amazing. But I ship them just as bros as well.
Carl, the kid, annoys the crap out of me. Just in general, 'daddy's gone, you're the man of the house now' cliches piss me off, but in a zombie apocolypse, when there are adults around, EVEN IF THOSE ADULTS ARE WOMEN AND CRIPPLED MEN, why is this THIRTEEN YEAR OLD CHILD MAKING THE DECISIONS. It's fucking weird.
Andrea has gone much downhill, siding with her evil new lover who everyone knows is evil except her, despite quite a lot of evidence, she is still sticking with him and it's frigging annoying. He has taken away a lot of her agency and she's lost a lot of her opinions and has become a less rolemodel-y character.
Michonne on the other hand, her badass, Amazon warrior look a like saviour, is intense, says very little, cares for children and does the right things, has great instincts and a terrible past.... SOUNDS LIKE A NEW FAVOURITE CHARACTER ALERT. I like her muchly.
No more episodes until February now but I do like the walking dead, it's a great show, it's a treat to get to see a zombie apocalypse in TV show format, which is of course my favourite format, even beating out books (blasphemy!!).
Christmas selfies
I am being a photo blog for the day, instead of writing a long post. We had Christmas lunch at my house, that's my brother Tom (the 16 year old), and my kinda cousin Anthony, who is super cute and messy and two.
This is everyone (all the kids anyway). All 5 of them, plus my little bro. I'm in the corner in the pink. The kids are dark because they're islander, in case anyone wondered how someone as pale as me could be related. Though I'm a 1/8 Aboriginal so there you go.
Then we did dinner in Sydney, in Kareela at another Auntie's. I have only selfies sadly, which is why these are on my blog and not facebook because selfies are fun but lame. I do think this one is pretty though...
Monday, 24 December 2012
Schoollllllies
It doesn't make sense.
It doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense. Times a million.
A friend of mine finally put up schoolies pictures tonight, after a YEAR.
I loved schoolies, so I wanted to see what she had and if I'd remember anything new etc. I might hate what I look like in photos, but I love looking at them anyway.
Firstly though, I shake my head at my fashion choices. Did I ever wear a bra or was there just a conspiracy to only have pictures when I wasn't? Fml, seriously. Did I think that was a good look at the time? What was I thinking haha.
Plus the clothes I wore, I know I loved them at the time and felt insanely attractive and it was all good but looking back, damn. Really not.
Third, there were some cute ones of me and you-know-who. I showed all the pictures to my Mum, she always is funny about him. She knows the general gist of it, I talk in fits and bursts, sometimes when I'm in a bad mood I try to shock her, but I remember after schoolies when I walked around in a bad mood for a week she knew why.
Originally at the time when I told her I had a thing for him, they'd only been dating a few months, literally like 4 or so, so it wasn't really that big of a deal. People break up all the time. Disappointingly, its been almost 2 years now so that waiting thing didn't really pay off for me.
She still gives me weird looks if I mention him or meet him. Like, I went to a party Friday night and she asked if he'd be there, and I was like *snort*, no. He isn't a party person.
But yeah, it's not like I have any pictures of us together so I like getting ones. Even if they're us shoving or grabbing pillows from each other or him crushing me or us fighting because good times.
Anyway, I'm hopeless but meh. At least both the guys who are kind of persueing me liked my profile pic which was from the schoolies lol. So did Austin so.
It doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense. Times a million.
A friend of mine finally put up schoolies pictures tonight, after a YEAR.
I loved schoolies, so I wanted to see what she had and if I'd remember anything new etc. I might hate what I look like in photos, but I love looking at them anyway.
Firstly though, I shake my head at my fashion choices. Did I ever wear a bra or was there just a conspiracy to only have pictures when I wasn't? Fml, seriously. Did I think that was a good look at the time? What was I thinking haha.
Plus the clothes I wore, I know I loved them at the time and felt insanely attractive and it was all good but looking back, damn. Really not.
Third, there were some cute ones of me and you-know-who. I showed all the pictures to my Mum, she always is funny about him. She knows the general gist of it, I talk in fits and bursts, sometimes when I'm in a bad mood I try to shock her, but I remember after schoolies when I walked around in a bad mood for a week she knew why.
Originally at the time when I told her I had a thing for him, they'd only been dating a few months, literally like 4 or so, so it wasn't really that big of a deal. People break up all the time. Disappointingly, its been almost 2 years now so that waiting thing didn't really pay off for me.
She still gives me weird looks if I mention him or meet him. Like, I went to a party Friday night and she asked if he'd be there, and I was like *snort*, no. He isn't a party person.
But yeah, it's not like I have any pictures of us together so I like getting ones. Even if they're us shoving or grabbing pillows from each other or him crushing me or us fighting because good times.
Anyway, I'm hopeless but meh. At least both the guys who are kind of persueing me liked my profile pic which was from the schoolies lol. So did Austin so.
Saturday, 22 December 2012
I need someone to either tell me it's okay to write real life wish fulfillment stories or tell me I'm weird and that I should stop.
To clarify, my latest, and generally all of them, aren't romance centered, but they do give me a lot of satisfaction in dealing with all kinds of relationships in my life.
My best friend does it too, but we have very different styles. I put myself in mortal danger, or knock me up, or I get raped or apocalypse, you know, awful stuff, and deal with the aftermath and I make sure at least someone is there for me. Hurt/comfort. It's my favourite fanfiction genre. You hurt the characters you love the most (it's called whump), where the character is not at fault for their injuries and are generally more competent than other people give them credit, and then you have other characters realise they are important or just be there for them and it's very touching and okay, there is usually romance at that point but it's a great outline for a story, I love it.
I also generally do the hopeless situation, everything sucks, but still, it generally boils down to hurt/comfort and the even-if-everything-else-is-shit-at-least-I-get-you-out-of-it trope.
So I've started a new one :) They are so much fun. I really am egotistical this way, I love writing about myself. I'm one of my own favourite characters. I don't think I MarySue-ify myself, but I would say it's accurate that I do change things and make them more to my liking, but hey, what else is fiction for?
I feel vaguely up myself writing it. It's super fun, I've just written the easiest 8000 words ever, but writing everybody freaking out cos I might die feels slightly lame. (Fun though).
But it's not like I'm trying to exaggerate, I just am trying to think about it, okay, Mum gets the call at 3am, she gets herself and my brother to the hospital, calls my Dad, he'd drive down straightaway from Newcastle (I'm in a seriously critical condition), calls my Auntie who's a nurse at the hospital to come in... So far I feel like that is what'd happen. It's not that up myself, this is my family, if anyone cares, they have to.
After that, I'll use other real life examples to guide the story. My friend got hit my a car this year, I can use those reactions plus my friends little sister got in an accident on a skateboard and was flown up to Sydney where her condition was so serious (bleeding/swelling in the brain) that they thought she was going to die, so I can use that. Also my bffls little sister who started having hour long seizures and had to go to hospital while in Serbia this year (puberty and autism do not mix). I'm not saying I'd use those conditions, but I'd use the emotions stirred up by them and the way in which the news was spread, word of mouth, facebook, how those closest were told and what they did, and those who have relayed those experiences to me.
I'm not one to deny it when inspiration strikes. Who even knows when the last time I was able to write hopefully 10k in a day? Ages ago. This is fun.
----
My two latest are called 'Friends With Benefits' which is pretty self explanatory. Involves lots of arguments, alcohol and conversation. Tries to explore to mainly the concepts of agency and free will. Even if a choice is bad, don't you have a right to still make it? It's pretty fun, I'm not writing it right now, sometimes inspiration just goes, but I'll come back. It's only about 7000 words.
The other is a psychothriller, kidnapped and locked in a room with one person, forced through very real physical, environmental threats, they're forced into very intimate situation, which is filmed for profit. Another in my very long list of fuck-or-die's, one of my best, though I stole the idea. Mainly though, while I write some very dirty things occasionally, mostly I use the concept of sex to inflict more angst and pain, along with intimacy and a shitload of power plays and dubious consent. My stories have messages but more than that, they cover all the right gender and sexuality issues that gets me really going.
The writing is really just my way of harnessing it so I can trigger myself in all the most delightful ways.
To clarify, my latest, and generally all of them, aren't romance centered, but they do give me a lot of satisfaction in dealing with all kinds of relationships in my life.
My best friend does it too, but we have very different styles. I put myself in mortal danger, or knock me up, or I get raped or apocalypse, you know, awful stuff, and deal with the aftermath and I make sure at least someone is there for me. Hurt/comfort. It's my favourite fanfiction genre. You hurt the characters you love the most (it's called whump), where the character is not at fault for their injuries and are generally more competent than other people give them credit, and then you have other characters realise they are important or just be there for them and it's very touching and okay, there is usually romance at that point but it's a great outline for a story, I love it.
I also generally do the hopeless situation, everything sucks, but still, it generally boils down to hurt/comfort and the even-if-everything-else-is-shit-at-least-I-get-you-out-of-it trope.
So I've started a new one :) They are so much fun. I really am egotistical this way, I love writing about myself. I'm one of my own favourite characters. I don't think I MarySue-ify myself, but I would say it's accurate that I do change things and make them more to my liking, but hey, what else is fiction for?
I feel vaguely up myself writing it. It's super fun, I've just written the easiest 8000 words ever, but writing everybody freaking out cos I might die feels slightly lame. (Fun though).
But it's not like I'm trying to exaggerate, I just am trying to think about it, okay, Mum gets the call at 3am, she gets herself and my brother to the hospital, calls my Dad, he'd drive down straightaway from Newcastle (I'm in a seriously critical condition), calls my Auntie who's a nurse at the hospital to come in... So far I feel like that is what'd happen. It's not that up myself, this is my family, if anyone cares, they have to.
After that, I'll use other real life examples to guide the story. My friend got hit my a car this year, I can use those reactions plus my friends little sister got in an accident on a skateboard and was flown up to Sydney where her condition was so serious (bleeding/swelling in the brain) that they thought she was going to die, so I can use that. Also my bffls little sister who started having hour long seizures and had to go to hospital while in Serbia this year (puberty and autism do not mix). I'm not saying I'd use those conditions, but I'd use the emotions stirred up by them and the way in which the news was spread, word of mouth, facebook, how those closest were told and what they did, and those who have relayed those experiences to me.
I'm not one to deny it when inspiration strikes. Who even knows when the last time I was able to write hopefully 10k in a day? Ages ago. This is fun.
----
My two latest are called 'Friends With Benefits' which is pretty self explanatory. Involves lots of arguments, alcohol and conversation. Tries to explore to mainly the concepts of agency and free will. Even if a choice is bad, don't you have a right to still make it? It's pretty fun, I'm not writing it right now, sometimes inspiration just goes, but I'll come back. It's only about 7000 words.
The other is a psychothriller, kidnapped and locked in a room with one person, forced through very real physical, environmental threats, they're forced into very intimate situation, which is filmed for profit. Another in my very long list of fuck-or-die's, one of my best, though I stole the idea. Mainly though, while I write some very dirty things occasionally, mostly I use the concept of sex to inflict more angst and pain, along with intimacy and a shitload of power plays and dubious consent. My stories have messages but more than that, they cover all the right gender and sexuality issues that gets me really going.
The writing is really just my way of harnessing it so I can trigger myself in all the most delightful ways.
Thursday, 20 December 2012
I think I blog about my dreams too much.... nah fuck that, my blog, who cares
Thank you Dream Gods.
I just had... the best dream I can remember. No hyperbole, I actually think it was the best ever.
I think I fell in love. I think I'm AM in love, which is insane because the guy I fell in love with is from dream inside my head. Well, mostly--they do exist, but I barely know them, he was my first ever crush and the boy across the street from me in my childhood. We were in the same class at school.
I haven't seen him since I was 12, except for few months ago I think he was at the table next to me with his girlfriend in the food court at the mall, but I was shy and didn't say hi.
So I know him from facebook and the long ago past but that's it. He was one of those absolutely sickening boyfriends with the "I love you so much baby, forever" status. So I took a teeny bit of amusement when he broke up with his girlfriend.
But this dream! Oh my fucking God, I can't get over it. I'm not recounting it straight away, I woke up like an hour ago (it was a 4 hour nap, its only half past 9pm now) but hopefully I still remember it.
It started 'in character' kind of I suppose. I was bullied vaguely in primary school. Not so much by him, but it was more that people just didn't like me and I took dismissive and rude comments to heart. Not from him, to be clear, he was my favourite boy in my class.
But I was just sitting somewhere, I don't know, I think it was on the basketball court at primary school. I suppose it makes sense that the dream would be partially set there, as it's where I know him from. But I was just there and he, his little sister and my little brother come up with a bunch of friends and all of them swear they don't know me or something, and my brother is 'proof' because he verifies it or something, that no one likes me or I'm a loser or something, it was mean spirited.
But then the others were gone and it was just me, him and his little sister (who I was friends with as a kid, she was my brothers age though). I don't remember what I said to them, but I told them they were fucked up and that was an asshole thing to do. I also remember saying to his sister, 'I always wondered if you'd be one of those girls that became a total slut and I see you did.' Sorry for slutshaming, I obviously wouldn't say it in real life, but I think I know what I meant, which was that kind of stupid, skinny and pretty girl who looks down on everyone and (remember, she's just been apart of his attack on me) is a bitch.
Then she was gone and I was still storming after this guy, because I'm pissed off, he's been a total jerk off but I have something to prove. I don't know what's changed, but I dare him to spent time with me, let me prove him wrong. Why I would do that, I don't know.
For more context here, he is ridiculously good looking. In real life he is and in my dream he was so tall I could barely touch his shoulders. He is also a personal trainer, really into lifting and the gym. So he's really built.
He dared me that if I could swallow down these two small bottles of something I hadn't heard of, he'd hang out with me for the day. They were in these little containers shaped like grenades, round and with a bottleneck top. This changed to more like a tub of cream container but inside was this clear gooey liquid and I knew it was steroid-y stuff. Not illegal or anything, maybe more just like chemical protein powder or something but I was like, no way. Then I went on one of my rants about things sure to rile the other person (like when I try to annoy you-know-who with a deliberately opposing argument to his beliefs on the military- though I do believe it.) So I said a bunch of stuff about how hypocritical it is that gym buffs and health freaks are all the ones that use the chemicals and put all that unnatural crap into their bodies.
Again, I don't remember how we go from dynamic to dynamic but I'd got his attention and we talked without the hostility. Then I said something about his ex girlfriend and he broke down crying and remember, in this dream he's like 8ft tall so I have my arms wrapped around his waist and I'm just hugging him as he cries.
This is how you know it's a dream. Not only am I really bad in real life with crying boys and I know it's really bad and I shouldn't let myself feel this way, I'm not attracted to that at all in guys at all. It turns me off so fast it's ridiculous. It's also sexist. But in the dream it didn't do that and I don't remember if this was explicitly said or not but something like him saying 'I just want to feel like I did before, again." And then we were dancing.
I don't know how to describe it but this keeps coming into my head. Howls Moving Castle. I though it was the shittiest movie of all time, it had no plot or interesting characters, it was a bunch of random crap happening and I really don't understand what people see in it. But that first scene, I vaguely remember the guy taking the girl into the sky and I don't think they were dancing but running/walking or something and that's kind of what this was like. It started as dancing but then it was like flying, he started running and he was so tall and fast and strong that I'd only manage a few quick steps before I'd be swept off my feet and pulled along that way and it was brilliant.
So I dream fell in love.
Sadly I don't remember any more of that storyline. I think there was more but it's gone. *Shrug*
The rest of the dream was weird(er). I was at a party I think, my bffl was high and dancing naked and I was like 'that's super gross, I don't want to see that, put it away." And another feminist friend of mine was 'Don't be hypocritical Lucy.' Because 'just don't look' is my response when guys diss girls for having short skirts or something. Then we were talking about HSC results which came out that day (I was dreaming in real time haha).
The third plotline was the intense action movie one. Me, my ex and you-know-who were running. It was like a hotel. I don't know if we were running to, or running away, or what, but there were lots of stairs and people and elevators (I have a fear of elevators in dreams- probably because last week I dreamed I was in an elevator that snapped and fell a few floors and totally crumpled, trapping me, my dad and brother inside/under. It also landed on a train track which doesn't make much sense logistically but we escaped right before the train came and run over the metal elevator).
There was also this weird bit where I was going iceskating with a bunch of people. Maybe my dream-love and all these cheerleader type girls. Except then it changed, and got weirdly feminist in a down-with-men way. It was this rink full to the brim with black women. And I think it was after some disaster, like Hurricane Katrina or something. So everyone is just like huddling and everyone is basically female, except for a few male babies and I dont know what happened to teh menz. I knew at the time but it's gone now... but there was some rhetoric about women being better and only they could deal with the situation. Or something. I don't even.
-----
To keep my dream posts from getting to extensive, without limitiing my ability to report on them, I'm just going to talk about the latest here.
It was basically Hunger Games (again- though I don't remember if I wrote about the last time, and this was a very different set up). I would be put in the arena- like, not a stadium but a huge, kilometres of land and different terrain and in the first two rounds I had a partnet. To win, we only had to kill the others, not each other. So the girl I was with, Theresa, is super smart and so I followed her lead and we did the same thing both of the first days. We'd hike, so far, up cliffs and though forests. It's a terrain that is sort of made up, but I know where I got it from, like, the local area. Then by the end of the day, we'd have our guns and our weapons and somehow we always came out on top. Then we'd go home, train some more with our group, I'd get instruction from the other boys- people I know, friends etc, but I don't remember which ones. Then I'd look at the scoreboard, see how everyone else was faring, I'd sleep, wake up in the morning, think for ages and plan my nutritious breakfast that would have to last me all day and do it again.
But on the third day, there would be only one winner. And I was freaking out about my strategy, like how could I do what we normally did, when Theresa would probably do that, or catch me. But how could I not go with the tried and true method, this was high stakes, I needed to do what I knew. And then I was running late to get to the arena- it started at 8 and I'd forgotten my keys and it was a 30 minute drive and I was stressing. Before I left, all these Yr 12 girls (The year below me at high school) started playing what I vaguely think was the Last Post. It was something like, you're probs gonna die and we're sad about it. So I hugged a bunch of them.
I just had... the best dream I can remember. No hyperbole, I actually think it was the best ever.
I think I fell in love. I think I'm AM in love, which is insane because the guy I fell in love with is from dream inside my head. Well, mostly--they do exist, but I barely know them, he was my first ever crush and the boy across the street from me in my childhood. We were in the same class at school.
I haven't seen him since I was 12, except for few months ago I think he was at the table next to me with his girlfriend in the food court at the mall, but I was shy and didn't say hi.
So I know him from facebook and the long ago past but that's it. He was one of those absolutely sickening boyfriends with the "I love you so much baby, forever" status. So I took a teeny bit of amusement when he broke up with his girlfriend.
But this dream! Oh my fucking God, I can't get over it. I'm not recounting it straight away, I woke up like an hour ago (it was a 4 hour nap, its only half past 9pm now) but hopefully I still remember it.
It started 'in character' kind of I suppose. I was bullied vaguely in primary school. Not so much by him, but it was more that people just didn't like me and I took dismissive and rude comments to heart. Not from him, to be clear, he was my favourite boy in my class.
But I was just sitting somewhere, I don't know, I think it was on the basketball court at primary school. I suppose it makes sense that the dream would be partially set there, as it's where I know him from. But I was just there and he, his little sister and my little brother come up with a bunch of friends and all of them swear they don't know me or something, and my brother is 'proof' because he verifies it or something, that no one likes me or I'm a loser or something, it was mean spirited.
But then the others were gone and it was just me, him and his little sister (who I was friends with as a kid, she was my brothers age though). I don't remember what I said to them, but I told them they were fucked up and that was an asshole thing to do. I also remember saying to his sister, 'I always wondered if you'd be one of those girls that became a total slut and I see you did.' Sorry for slutshaming, I obviously wouldn't say it in real life, but I think I know what I meant, which was that kind of stupid, skinny and pretty girl who looks down on everyone and (remember, she's just been apart of his attack on me) is a bitch.
Then she was gone and I was still storming after this guy, because I'm pissed off, he's been a total jerk off but I have something to prove. I don't know what's changed, but I dare him to spent time with me, let me prove him wrong. Why I would do that, I don't know.
For more context here, he is ridiculously good looking. In real life he is and in my dream he was so tall I could barely touch his shoulders. He is also a personal trainer, really into lifting and the gym. So he's really built.
He dared me that if I could swallow down these two small bottles of something I hadn't heard of, he'd hang out with me for the day. They were in these little containers shaped like grenades, round and with a bottleneck top. This changed to more like a tub of cream container but inside was this clear gooey liquid and I knew it was steroid-y stuff. Not illegal or anything, maybe more just like chemical protein powder or something but I was like, no way. Then I went on one of my rants about things sure to rile the other person (like when I try to annoy you-know-who with a deliberately opposing argument to his beliefs on the military- though I do believe it.) So I said a bunch of stuff about how hypocritical it is that gym buffs and health freaks are all the ones that use the chemicals and put all that unnatural crap into their bodies.
Again, I don't remember how we go from dynamic to dynamic but I'd got his attention and we talked without the hostility. Then I said something about his ex girlfriend and he broke down crying and remember, in this dream he's like 8ft tall so I have my arms wrapped around his waist and I'm just hugging him as he cries.
This is how you know it's a dream. Not only am I really bad in real life with crying boys and I know it's really bad and I shouldn't let myself feel this way, I'm not attracted to that at all in guys at all. It turns me off so fast it's ridiculous. It's also sexist. But in the dream it didn't do that and I don't remember if this was explicitly said or not but something like him saying 'I just want to feel like I did before, again." And then we were dancing.
I don't know how to describe it but this keeps coming into my head. Howls Moving Castle. I though it was the shittiest movie of all time, it had no plot or interesting characters, it was a bunch of random crap happening and I really don't understand what people see in it. But that first scene, I vaguely remember the guy taking the girl into the sky and I don't think they were dancing but running/walking or something and that's kind of what this was like. It started as dancing but then it was like flying, he started running and he was so tall and fast and strong that I'd only manage a few quick steps before I'd be swept off my feet and pulled along that way and it was brilliant.
So I dream fell in love.
Sadly I don't remember any more of that storyline. I think there was more but it's gone. *Shrug*
The rest of the dream was weird(er). I was at a party I think, my bffl was high and dancing naked and I was like 'that's super gross, I don't want to see that, put it away." And another feminist friend of mine was 'Don't be hypocritical Lucy.' Because 'just don't look' is my response when guys diss girls for having short skirts or something. Then we were talking about HSC results which came out that day (I was dreaming in real time haha).
The third plotline was the intense action movie one. Me, my ex and you-know-who were running. It was like a hotel. I don't know if we were running to, or running away, or what, but there were lots of stairs and people and elevators (I have a fear of elevators in dreams- probably because last week I dreamed I was in an elevator that snapped and fell a few floors and totally crumpled, trapping me, my dad and brother inside/under. It also landed on a train track which doesn't make much sense logistically but we escaped right before the train came and run over the metal elevator).
There was also this weird bit where I was going iceskating with a bunch of people. Maybe my dream-love and all these cheerleader type girls. Except then it changed, and got weirdly feminist in a down-with-men way. It was this rink full to the brim with black women. And I think it was after some disaster, like Hurricane Katrina or something. So everyone is just like huddling and everyone is basically female, except for a few male babies and I dont know what happened to teh menz. I knew at the time but it's gone now... but there was some rhetoric about women being better and only they could deal with the situation. Or something. I don't even.
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To keep my dream posts from getting to extensive, without limitiing my ability to report on them, I'm just going to talk about the latest here.
It was basically Hunger Games (again- though I don't remember if I wrote about the last time, and this was a very different set up). I would be put in the arena- like, not a stadium but a huge, kilometres of land and different terrain and in the first two rounds I had a partnet. To win, we only had to kill the others, not each other. So the girl I was with, Theresa, is super smart and so I followed her lead and we did the same thing both of the first days. We'd hike, so far, up cliffs and though forests. It's a terrain that is sort of made up, but I know where I got it from, like, the local area. Then by the end of the day, we'd have our guns and our weapons and somehow we always came out on top. Then we'd go home, train some more with our group, I'd get instruction from the other boys- people I know, friends etc, but I don't remember which ones. Then I'd look at the scoreboard, see how everyone else was faring, I'd sleep, wake up in the morning, think for ages and plan my nutritious breakfast that would have to last me all day and do it again.
But on the third day, there would be only one winner. And I was freaking out about my strategy, like how could I do what we normally did, when Theresa would probably do that, or catch me. But how could I not go with the tried and true method, this was high stakes, I needed to do what I knew. And then I was running late to get to the arena- it started at 8 and I'd forgotten my keys and it was a 30 minute drive and I was stressing. Before I left, all these Yr 12 girls (The year below me at high school) started playing what I vaguely think was the Last Post. It was something like, you're probs gonna die and we're sad about it. So I hugged a bunch of them.
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