I will keep my post- Arena post short and sweet because I've made lots of posts this week so there isn't too much to catch up on!

Tonight we had a quiz night. Soph made all the questions and the guys upstairs (Simon and Laura) decorated their flat and Jen and I went as google maps, and it worked out really well! Surprisingly well. The other teams were Simon and Lina, who went as monk and nun (which unless you know them and exactly how non virginal they are, its not as funny) and Laura and Welmoed who were jungle themed. Team Holy Rollers bought bread and red wine, Team Jungle made the jungle punch and fruit salad. We brought wedges with sour cream and sweet chilli sauce as our contribution to the party. There was a lot of food and punch and I had a full bottle of alcohol to consume (and I did). The quiz questions were mostly easy, which made it more fun, but it meant that we were all pretty closely scored. We scored with stickers on a board. Our team name was 'quiz in my pants' but later we changed it to suit our theme and became 'no direction'. But JEN, when she picked up the board, before we counted at the end, half the stickers fell off and so we lost by default. This wouldn't bother me so much if the consequence wasn't a shot of cupboard rum.

Later we played a new drinking game 'Arrogance' which basically is this: on your turn, you decide if you are arrogant enough to pour some of your drink into the communal cup. The person on your left flips a coin and you have to call it. If you call correctly, you don't have to drink the communal cup, it passes on to the next person and if you call it wrong, you have to drink. If a few people are arrogant and add the the cup, but call correctly, the cup continues to fill up until eventually someone loses, which is 50/50 chance each time obviously. And it's gross, because nobody wants to drink red wine, mixed with punch (fruit bits included), mixed with cruiser and rum & coke. But people sing at you until you do and you just chug it and it's not so bad. And it's free alcohol. Not that drinking and going out isn't cheap as chips here.

When we were out, Olivia, who is my club buddy, was pretty smashed. Like, not passing out or bad, just drunker than anyone else to the point where as long as you are comparing yourself to Liv, you feel pretty sober. Whenever we go out, we always pair up. Though Jen is my closest friend, when we go out, she tends to stick with Welmoed. Which is fine, she is totally allowed to have other friends. I stick with Liv, who is the cutest, most affectionate drunk. It gets me a bit muddled to be honest, because she's pretty and my friend and whatnot but mostly it's just nice.

I'm home now, talking to Mia, but I literally do not need to hear about another sexual assault on one of my girl friends by a guy I know. There is a branch of my friend group that needs to be cut off and fucking burned, jesus christ.

Aspirations and life (hey look I'm actually giving a post a title)

Oh man, guys. Glee. Gleeeeee. GLEEEEEE. G to the L to the E to the E.

Santana and Brittany are back baby. It feels like 2011 again. You should see my Tumblr. Not only is my username no longer cas-wants-the-d-ean, but youmakemybodywakeup (dottumblrdotcom), but I totally changed my theme and my background and header and content. I lost 2 followers overnight but gained 3 so do not give a fuck.

For the next 5 days,  it's brittana round the clock.

After that my soul will be in shreds and I'll die the bitter sadness of a broken heart. But today we party for tomorrow we die! The brittana fandom is on fire right now,  you don't even know.

Add that to a declining interest in destiel and supernatual and voila. I'm back to the life ruiner that is glee.

Almost two years ago, I wrote this post, and now I'm reading other stories that author wrote. I think I've talked about this briefly before, how every author, every series, every TV universe seems to have it's own rules? Mostly they are just a slight bend from reality, because everyone sees the world just a little differently and their perspective shines through in their writing. Through the details that get lingered over, the importance they hold on singular words or actions, whether parents are vital or irrelevent to teenage protagonists, how deeply people can feel, how life happens, what really matters to people, what is unforgivable, how relationships change and evolve.

Those things aren't universe constants. But when you find authors that nearly match you, that look from the same perspective that you do, you don't let that go. Because they can give you something really special that you can identify yourself and gain inspiration from. I've been reading a fic like that, where Santana and Brittany are living together in New York and they're broken up at this point and it's weird and awkward and there is so much longing and love there. Santana makes Brittany packed lunch every day for college and they have two hour breakfasts at 6am after all night shifts working at a bar and their apartment is full of photos of them goofing off around the city and they are supporting themselves and living and it's so aspirational.

And then I remember that I am in the middle of that right now. Derp. Exeter isn't NYC, but I am living with my best friend (though it's new and beautiful and aw, I've never called Jen that before) and while I'm not in love with her cos we are totes plutonic, we are at the bust-into-each-others-rooms-at-all-hours stage, sometimes with wine, for D&M's and we do discuss spooning on the regular. Tomorrow night we are partners for quiz night and we decided to dress up as Google maps.

I need to appreciate where I am and what I'm doing with my life. We are adorable and yes, I'm not happy in all aspects on my life, particularly mental health with regards to eating and whatever, but things are good and never better and I am so happy with where I am and Jen and my friends and that's why I want to stay.

I get homesick occasionally, late at night. Last time after writing Megan a tearful letter, I ripped a old letter to you-know-who out of the back of my notebook, got some matches and burnt it to ashes. That was impressive. As a total pyro, that made me feel much better. Plus I got it on film so I can go back and watch it whenever I want.

What was the point of this entry again?  No idea. Just that this author explains relationships in a way that makes me ache deep in my core with rightness. She gets life, the way I do. It's exciting, that.

Life update

So! Where to begin?

I just had a presentation for my Marketing Management and Strategy module. That is a 3rd (final) year subject that I really was not qualified for seeing as I am really just ready for second year introductory modules but I'm glad I got it out of the way because UOW marketing strategy seems terrifying, because you have to actually create a product and do everything, whereas we did a simulation with a product already given to us, and then we just had to decide over 7 periods of 3 months each, how to market it successfully i.e. units produced, how much money spend on advertising, R&D, market research, invested etc. After each period, we saw our figures (so, so many figures) and adjusted accordingly, so we'd beat out our competition. In our industry, we did well, increasing our share price 10 fold to over 10 pounds, though we were 2nd in the market by the end.

We had a group of seven, and I was the coordinator which meant it was up to me to send in all our final decisions and basically organise the group. I did a decent job. For the presentation, we didn't all need to speak but I volunteered because as much as I hate public speaking, I hate leaving my work in other peoples hands. So, Ollie, Ohi and I spoke on our groups behalf. We weren't the most creative presentation but I think all the presenting I've been doing over here (every fucking week in at least one class) has made me stammer less and made me a tad more confident in that way.

Why am I telling you about this? I don't know. I am procrastinating not only actually doing all the things I need to do, but talking about them.

I have told my Mum finally about extending my exchange and she told me my Centrelink has been reinstated (!!!) so that's like the greatest thing. Found $1500 extra in my bank account yesterday so that's never negative.

This is the list I have for extending.

• Seeking permission (in writing) from your Sub-Dean to stay on Exchange for an additional session. Please copy me into the email correspondence with the Sub-Dean.
• Seeking additional subject approvals for your second session; you can do this by emailing a new Advanced Standing form, together with the relevant subject descriptions to your UOW Faculty. Again please copy me into any approvals so that I have a record on your file.
• Ensuring you successfully complete all subjects attempted while on Exchange this session. We will need to see proof of your grades as soon as they become available.
• Seeking approval from your host University’s Study Abroad & Exchange Office to stay there for an additional session. (Please forward approval to our office).
• Extending your student visa. If you have any questions about your student visa, I would suggest that you ask the Study Abroad & Exchange Office at your host university about this.
• Extending your travel insurance - remember you are only covered by UOW insurance for the first 180 days of your Exchange. You will need to provide proof of additional insurance cover to our office.

Urgh, it's a lot. Tomorrow I will start searching modules and working out what I can get approved. Then I will email them to my course coordinator for signatures and email the sub dean for permission. 

Awkwardly, I still haven't got full permission for this semesters subjects, I've been lazy, even though they did say to get subjects approved ASAP. Whatever, YOLO.

Will sort out tomorrow arvo.

At Uni tomorrow, I will go to the Student Info Desk and book an appointment to talk to an advisor about my visa. Oh my god, look at me acting like a real adult.

Travel insurance can wait, it's not particularly urgent and passing my subjects isn't really relevant, either I will or I won't, but I have no reason to think that will be a problem.

Then ONCE all the other stuff is done, I will seek permission from Exeter to stay longer. And by that, I mean, I will email before the end of the month, because after that, I am in Portugal and shit gets cray.

Actually, let me tell you about that! Actually, I am just copying and pasting what I sent to my Dad last night so if there is a tone change, that'd be why.

I've booked my flights for Portugal for the 30th of March which is exciting, my friends and I are going to have a whole villa so ourselves and because it's still a few weeks before tourist season really starts, we got it soooo cheaply, less than half the price it is during peak. It'll definitely be cool to see a different country, even if it'll be more a relaxing beach holiday than a tourist one. Hopefully the language barrier isn't much of a problem.

After getting back from Portugal on the 4th of April, I go to Wales on the 5th. I waste no time obviously. That's for a class of mine, I basically didn't have lectures all term, but the whole class is just one week of intensive work. But it's going to be a lot of fun as well, and best of all, it's free :) Well, obviously I am still paying for it in terms of a regular uni class, but the field trip part, which costs the uni per person 400 pounds, is totally subsidised. I wasn't sure originally if that was a case and for awhile it seemed like we'd have to pay 100 but found out today that nope, it'll all good. So that's a bit of saved money, always good.

Then after getting back from there on the 12th of April, Jen and I are going to Ireland on the 14th for a week. We're going to be staying with Mary, who is Mum's cousin. I met her a few years ago when she stayed with us in Austraila and she said I was welcome to bring a friend or two so I invited Jen. So we'll be staying in Cork and I should meet most of the people there that I am related to and I'll be there for Easter which will be nice.

After that I think I will come home and die of exhaustion from all the travelling but that's when I'll have to start studying for exams :) Those are in May but should be alright.

So.... yeah. Times ahead are both exciting and intimidating and stressful but not too bad! Mostly good and fun and chill and yeah, things are good.

Though I don't have my laptop to type on and have to use my phone, it's Saturday night which means post-Arena post is a must. Need to keep up the tradition.

I am just happy.  Things are very positive. My biggest new thing is that Jen has persuaded me that I want to stay for another semester here. I do, a lot. See, Simon is already here for a year, he's already sorted cos it was always his plan. Therefore he has the right visa. And Jen has dual citizenship so there is no problem but I do not and if I am required to fly home to Australia,  in order to sort out a new visa, that wouldn't be possible. I am just keen to stay though. Fuck money, I could make it work if I got a job and loans, whatever.

I love Jen to bits. If she and Simon both stay, it will be devastated. Living with Jen is my favourite thing and once we are home,  even if we both go home in July (looking more unlikely by the day), I won't get to see her every day and live with her and have D&M's together all the time and drink upstairs with the gang and once I'm home, I will never get to live with roommates again because I live in the best position and situation possible,  how could I possibly justify living with friends in a worse off position for more money? But if I stay, we would move into a student accomm rented house and just have the greatest time of our lives and I just feel like it would be worth it, if I could swing it...

Mostly I'd just fucking miss Jen. While already I have been contemplating how I would mix my best friends from home with her and how I would meet hers,  it's just not ideal and she will end up living in the UK full time eventually and I really want to just make the most of having her close. It's phenomenal how close we have become and how much I just want her to be my best friend forever.

Plus, a friend of mine will be here next semester and I want to show her everything and be a part of all her experiences.

So yeah, that's happening. Maybe.

~~ This is an old post I found in my drafts. Maybe I planned to add more to it but I've forgotten now so have at it ~~

I don't feel like there's anything wrong with one night stands. Jenna Marbles has this one video, basically full to the brim of slut shaming. I was browsing old Laci Green Sex+ videos for the funzies, and I came across her reply to it. I liked it at the time

Because Jenna basically just says that, to quote John Mayer, 'your body is a wonderland and it's up to you where it's VIP or a themepark where kids get in for free on Sundays.'

It's just an extension of the 'dirty' imagery that goes along with slutshaming. Having sex doesn't make you dirty, it just doesn't. There isn't a store of old semen that just gets stuck up there from all the other dudes you dicked, which kind of eliminates all the 'which drink would you rather, the one that's unopened or the one that some random already drank from?' metaphors.

Not only is that metaphor so off base but this isn't used as a defence against male virginity. Strictly about controlling the sexual choices of women.

Slut shaming is about respect. If you only respect women who have sex the way you think is acceptable, you do not respect women because your respect is something to be earned and/or taken away once a woman acts in a way you don't agree with.

In my view, I have done two things with, according to varying people's personal definitions would make me a slut.

1) Made out and unashamedly flirted for 6 months with a guy with a girlfriend.

2) Had a one night stand with a hottie-with-a-body that resulted from nothing more than attraction to his kissing style, his endearing way of finding me sexy, and the fact that he was staying in a hotel a five minute walk from both the club and my house.

Do I regret either of these things, even a little bit?

Not. At. All. I would be lying through my teeth if I said I did, because the second half of year 12 was the best time I had at school over the entire 13 year period and damn, but I really like boys that can kiss well.

As far as the first one goes, I think it makes me less of a slut and more of a bad person. But I don't pretend to be perfect, it made me happy and I think it made me happier than it made his girlfriend sad... (and in the end, me sadder than her as well). Besides, I don't think it's wrong to be selfish when it comes to being happy and sometimes you have to go for things.

That's an old argument really. The fact is that it's never bothered me and I don't feel guilty now for not feeling guilty then. I can accept judgement from other people for attempted boyfriend stealing I suppose, though not if it comes without equal or more heavily weighted judgement for the boyfriend because if the judgement is about defending the girlfriend, it wasn't me who made a commitment to her, that was his end of it. Girls aren't guilty of 'seducing' faithful guys, if they come, they do it willingly and make their own choices, simple as that.

And the second one. The amount of dicks I decide I want to have in me, on me, or around me and the amount of people I have naked fun with, doesn't define anything about who I am or the type of girl I am. Sex isn't something to be ashamed of or feel guilty about. It's just nice.

And if I don't happen to know or love or see again the people I fuck, that shouldn't matter in someone else's judgement of me. And it's not their place to decide how risky my decisions are, how much I value myself, or if the reason I do it is because I'm sad or lonely. Like, if those are the only emotions you can imagine as precursors to sex, I feel just as sorry for you as you feel for me.

Sex being about love is a society driven idea. It's not any more natural or moral to only be with people you love. I respect people who wait, I respect people who don't. I'd totally like to be with someone I love, it's a main goal of mine. But even if it wasn't, regardless of your opinion on my choices, I expect respect.

So I have become quite musically inclined since I've been on Exchange. Not sure why, but like the painting thing, I just have had a lot of me time and also, it is something I do with people back home in mind.

Like, I am planning on learning basic guitar so I can sing and strum 'The Best Day' for my Mum by the 29th of March and Megan's birthday is April and I want to do 'Hey Steven/ Hey Megan for that and so here is one of the many, many many many fail whale takes. So many times, especially when I was still learning the lyrics I would sing the first line wrong and just trail off and be like 'FUCK'. I could make a compilation video of just me swearing every time I screw up. Since full songs (aka good versions) are too long for blogger to let me upload them, here is me being the weirdo I am when alone at 3am.

So, apparently my new blogging method is wait until I come home after Arena on a Saturday night and ramble on. I am okay with this. Please understand though, the willpower it is taking me not to put everything in capslock because I am sorely tempted. That is how everything sounds in my head.

I am just happy.  When Chelsea came to England, she realised that she drank too much and realised that when she got home she would want to cut down and just go now and then, not every weekend, but I am the opposite so far. I want to go out at least once a week. We go hard and we predrink upstairs in Flat 16. Like today I got a Smirnoff bottle, I don't know, I had some of Jen's last week, it tastes like lemonade and is delicious. It only has like 2.6 standard drinks in the whole bottle though.

I drank all of that, and then I had about 6 Jagerbombs in the club. I am a little frightened because one of the girls in the group linked us to an article which was about a girl who had 10 and when she was coming down from the high of that many energy drinks, she had a heart attack and was put into a coma for 3 weeks. So I didn't want to have any more than 6. But I also had one vodka shot with a jagerbomb chaser. I always know that the more you mix alcohols, the drunker you tend to get. If you just did 10 vodka shots, you wouldn't get half as drunk as you would if half were rum.

Dear God, I love 1 pound drinks on a Saturday night. Sure, the dance floor isn't exactly full but it is literally 5 times cheaper than at home, where a Jagerbomb costs $10.

I have had a good week this week. I had an essay due which took up most of my time, but I got it done, literally handing it in the absolute last second it was due. Gasping like I'd run a cross country, I got to the Washington Singer building holding my essay, dripping in sweat as the clock hit 3pm. Thank fuck they accepted it as on time.

Today all eight of my group of friends went to Exmouth by train. It isn't that far away, but I hadn't gone before. It's on the coast so we walked along the beach and ended up getting fish and chips and had a jolly good time. It was so bad though, I stayed up Friday night until 7:30am reading Game of Thrones, and woke up at 10 so I didn't exactly have a good nights rest. Thankfully I didn't really feel the effects, and still haven't (though the 4 or 5 cans of red bull I've consumed in the last 3 hours probably account for that). I just feel on top of the world.

I have worked out my limits and I know exactly how much I can handle to feel fucking awesome and have the best time. I never did that at home, I just never had the chance to really experiment and work it out.

Jen bought One Direction masks at the 99p store this week so we all grabbed one and wore them out tonight. I had Niall and it was just so funny and fun and gave us confidence to just be as lame as possible

I was also able to arrange for us to go in the photo booth. It only costs 2 pounds and it just gives us such good memories to keep and cherish. Last time I got photos with Chelsea, this time with Jen and Olivia. Eventually, as I become closer to the others, I will get photo strips with them too. They are great to put up on my wall and eventually put up in my scrapbook.

We have fun.

I like Exeter and my friends and my life. My head is buzzing like crazy but not in a bad way.

I don't intend to be 'the girl who goes out clubbing' because I certainly don't feel like that, but I like that I can go out and it can be fun and it can be something I enjoy.

Tomorrow at 11 I have touch footy. I don't know if I will be awake in time or feeling like going but hopefully I will, because do want to give footy a go.

Okay, Lucy out xx

I have these strong feelings about people who try to classify others into categories.

I'm not saying I don't do it, or haven't in the past. For a long time, I believed that things like 'the popular group' actually existed and that they were just totally polar opposites to me and that we were absolutely distinct.

But especially in the last few years, and Exchange has certainly opened my eyes to it more, is that people don't fit into singular categories. Like, shows like Big Bang Theory piss me off because they make their humour out of putting people into boxes and then saying 'whoa SO DIFFERENT, totally incompatible! How hilarious that Penny is dumb and socially competent and the guys are smart and socially inept. How they clash! It just skews peoples views towards black and white thinking, and people are much more three dimensional than that.

A quote I can't find right now off Tumblr because it is quite generic in its wording, says something to the gist of, you can be the girl who has tattoos and dark eyeliner and makes boys crumble before you, and also the artist who wears long skirts and wild fashion choices, and the bookworm in a coffee shop somewhere writing on your laptop, and the girl with bright red lipstick and sundresses and the slob you are at home without make up and in ratty PJ's who gets midnight snacks and watches Millionaire Matchmaker for fun. You don't have to pick one. Be all of them.

Obviously we can't choose our personalities day to day, but it's crazy to think that a 'nerd' couldn't also like to go out dancing, or a party girl who spends half her time playing with her cat and watching Sci Fi movies, or a girl who is very shy being a competitive maniac when playing sport.A girl who loves to go out and get drunk but plans to wait until marriage before getting intimate and being hardcore dedicated to a serious relationship.  People don't need labels, because they'll just defy them.

The prettiest girls who wear a ton of makeup could be the kindest, most considerate girls you ever meet. The girl you think is super sloppy because she likes getting wasted could be really intelligent and an outspoken feminist. The guy you thought was a bit weird and awkward could be a total social genius, with heaps of friends and an absolute leader. People you think are different to you might not be as different as you think and they could be so much nicer than you imagine.

People aren't fundamentally different from one another. I truly believe it's possible to get on with anyone. Sure, some people you will click with more than others but if you just stick to the same old stuff and the same old familiar people and archetype, you are missing out, no question. It's one of the most liberating things I know.

• So this is one of those Tumblr ones where people send you the names of the flowers and you answer those questions but I'm just going to give 'em all a go, to add blogging to my procrastination list which already includes sleeping until noon, writing and editing fanfic using this site and going to the gym when I already have injuries bad enough that I can't wear shoes (I regret that decision since now it has escalated to can't walk). But yeah, on to questions.
• 
  
• Daisy:How old were you when you had your first kiss?
• Like most things, it's not particularly straight forward. When I was 10, I pashed my best friend. When I was 14 I got my first kiss-on-the-lips, but it was Truth or Dare. When I was 15 I got my first kiss that wasn't orchestrated. Pick any I suppose.
• Carnation:If I handed you a concert ticket right now, who would you want to be the performer?
• T-Swizzle or Ed Sheeran.
• Jasmine:What colour looks best on you?
• I don't really know... black looks good on everyone, I look terrible in white, blue matches my eyes, red makes me feel confident which makes anyone look better... I dunno. If I had to pick just a plain long sleeved shirt in any colour, I would go dark grey.
• Foxglove:Name three facts about your family?
• My parents' lives both revolve around playing Bridge.
• Today is my little brothers first day of Uni.
• I take after my Dad and my brother takes after my Mum.
• Allium:What's the best thing you can cook?
• I cook a mean risotto. And also crepes, I cook killer crepes.
• Orange Blossom:If you could pick the gender and appearance of your child, would you?
• Yeah I would. I know it's terrible and of course I would love any child of mine once I got to be around it and know it, but when I picture myself in the Doctor's office with ultrasound jelly all over my belly and the Doctor saying 'It's a boy', there will  be a sense of disappointment so great you would wonder if that crazy lady is even half fit to be a parent.
• I want a baby girl, at least first up. As for appearance, I mean, in theory it's like you get to create your own Sim and everyone would rather pick than randomise, but I'd love my child regardless, even if I couldn't give them purple eyes and main-character-in-an-anime hair features.
• Calla Lily:If you died right now, what song would you want to play at your funeral?
• My Heart Will Go On. And maybe The Best Day.
• Poinsettia:Favourite holiday dish?
• Hot Cross Buns!
• Oxlip:Would you ever get into a long distance relationship?
• Depends on circumstances. Like, I would if it was a limited period of time with a definite endpoint, like exchange. I don't feel like I've put distance between myself and my closest friends, so I can't imagine not being able to keep things up with an SO. Like all relationships, it would just require work. I wouldn't be able to get in a relationship with someone I met online who lived in woop woop though, because I feel like you need to have been strongly integrated in someones daily life before you can take yourself out of it.
• Primrose:Favourite kind of soup?
• Pumpkin Soup.
• Daffodil:What's the most thoughtful present you've ever received?
• Mia always does good. One she got me a bracelet engraved with a few things I love, like a lightning bolt and a bunny etc. Or that time she made me a Harry Potter style Hogwarts letter, sealed with wax and mailed anonymously. Or Megan buying me all that Taylor Swift makeup and merch right after I complimented her on her awesome eyeliner. Or the Destiel T-Shirt Mia got me, that was the greatest.
• Rose:Are you currently in love with someone?
• I can't say I really am, but when I'm drunk I do start messaging Mia declaring my love for various unnamed persons.
• Amsonia:Would you ever become a vegan?
• I can't see it. I love meat so much and cheese. And chocolate. And milk. There is literally not one thing that isn't vegan that I don't like probably.
• Peony:What's your favourites hot beverage?
• Hot Chocolate with marshmallows and cream.
• Tulip:For your birthday, what kind of cake do you ask for?
• Pavlova or cheesecake. Or just vanilla sponge with soft icing but I've never got that. There was just this one cake in primary school, it was like a metre squared, cos it was like, for half the school, and it was just good. Like a fairy sponge cake and icing that was more like cream than hard icing.
• Myrtle:Do you like going on airplanes?
• I certainly like going to places that aeroplanes take me, and I do get excited for planes, just cos clouds are so spectacular from above and cities and landing and its all good. I just hate the stress of before/after with customs and baggage and tickets and getting to the airport...
• Hibiscus:Did you ever play an instrument? If so what?
• I have this major goal of learning guitar this month, so I'm hoping that happens. I could play basic recorder as a kid and I learn violin for a few months in year 7. I was taught a few songs on piano by various people. Other than that, I have no musical talent or giftedness.
• Zinnia:Who was your best friend when you were six years old?
• Her name was Mimi, she was the most beautiful kid you'd ever seen. She was tiny, absolutely dainty with delicate features and blue eyes. She had brown hair that was always smooth and was just the sweetest girl you'd ever meet.
• Poppy:What color was your childhood home?
• Er... it was brick? Red-ish brick. Actually, I'll do you one better and find it on google maps. It was a beautiful home, my parents built it when I was a baby and it was in this massive cul-de-sac with lots of kids and was overall great.
  
• Hydrangea:Starbucks order?
• Grande hot chocolate probably! Or if you're from 'Straya like me, medium.
• Violet:Do you like where you're from?
• Where I'm from? If you mean like, what country, then sure, Australia is the greatest. Too many bogans and an asshole PM but you win some, you lose some.
• Locust:What was your favourite book as a child?
• I read vicariously as a kid, 3 books a day type reading. I'd take books home from school all the time, mostly Babysitter Club books and the like. I read for pleasure, not to strain myself. I think I advanced at around 12 to more adult reading, with TWTWB and one book that I read at 12 that stuck with me, 'People might hear you' by Robin Klein'. Even at that age, I was very excited by the idea of religious cults and had a good understanding of that book and the various characters motivations, even when the protagonist didn't. Actually, my Year 4 teachers both gave me stacks of books that year to read, and that was one of them, but as I said, I didn't read to challenge myself with difficult books with small writing so I didn't pick it up again until a year or two later.
• Like, I remember Philosophers Stone being popular in Year 2. Mimi, who wasn't particularly smart, was even reading it but I was a hipster long before my time and decided it was dumb and too mainstream for someone like me. I was 11 before I started reading Harry Potter, starting with goblet of Fire because that was what my cousin had on her when we were down the coast.
• Rhododendron:What's the scariest dream you've ever had?
• I don't remember particularly bad dreams. I was too young when I watched Amityville Horror though, and I had some trouble getting to sleep for a few nights after that. The little girl forcing the babysitter to push her fingers into the bullet wounds that murdered her, while she was locked in the closet and couldn't escape is still imagery I'd rather I didn't have.
• Queen Anne's Lace:Would you rather carve pumpkins or wrap presents?
• I've never carved a pumpkin so if given a choice I would choose that, just to give it a go.
• Magnolia:Favourite kind of candy?
• Galaxy Bars.
• Aster:Would you rather be cold or hot?
• Hot, but cold is growing on me.
• Marigold:Do you listen to what's on the radio?
• I sure do. Pop music is my jam.
• Heliconia:Do you like when it rains?
• I live in England -.- But no, in case that needs to be made more explicit, I do not. I like sun and hot weather and rain, whether pouring or drizzle, sucks ass.
• Azalea:What's a movie you cried while watching?
• What, like this week? Because I cried during a 10 minute ad on bullying... I don't know, I'm trying to think of one that I know will make me cry every time... oh, My Sisters Keeper.
• Dandelion:Do you think you're important?

Yeah, as much as anyone else is, and I think we are all decently important. Everyone has an incredible agency to chase happiness and I think that's amazing and deserves something.

So like normally when I post 'okay I'm drunk right now' I do it when I've had a couple of drinks but I'm actually totally sober because I like feeling cool, not that drinking makes you cool, but it makes me feel like I'm actually going out with friends and being sociable which I suppose is 'cool' but tonight I am actually drunk. Like, well and truly, like you know who could tell me he never wants to talk to me again, that I'm a fucking slut and my obsession with him is creepy and totally inappropriate and I just would not give a FUCK. Like, all I want to do is DANCE except Arena closes at 2:30 like WHAT THE FUCK, that's so early. For the first time, I am just the right amount drunk that I want to go until 5am, I want to dance all night, I want to kiss 100 guys, and 100 girls. I want to hug everyone I know, I want to not give a fuck forever.

I never get this drunk. I always either am 90% sober after like 5 drinks and I just fucking give up or I overdo it and just go to sleep but tonight I started drinking about 9:30, and I just had some of Jen's Smirnoff, which tasted great, like Lemonade except alcoholic, and we played Kings Cup, as always, and I am glad I didn't get the last king, because it was a mix of red wine (the most disgusting substance on earth) and beer and cider. And then the last card had to have a shot of 'cupboard rum' as we call it, which is DISGUSTING like, it's so terrible but Olivia got that, and then the second Kings Cup I got and it's my first Kings Cup and I'd already had a few cups of cruiser and cider and the Cup had fridge wine and bear and cider in it I think, but it was fine, I had water for a chaser and everyone was impressed I got it down in 4 swallows. So I felt a teeny bit buzzed but I have tolerance like whoa so when we left for Arena I was still awkward and bad but it's saturday so 3pound entry (you always have to pay in England, no matter what day) but cheap drinks. Like, instead of $10 at home for a jager bomb, it was 1.50 pounds, so I had like 5. I don't remember exactly. In the beginning you have to be polite and go up with a group and you all get a drink and you CHEERS and skull it, but by the end, because the drunker you get, the less you give a fuck, I just started going up by myself and getting more. And at one point a girl came up to me and offered me an almost full bottle of cruiser and I was confused but she said in my ear that her friend just was too drunk to have it so I was like, sure, thanks. And it's not like I don't know, stranger danger and don't drink things you didn't see being made but it was a girl giving it to me, she wasn't following me or having any further contact with me, so why would she roofie me and I TOLD Jen to look out for me in case, which she did, but I was fine obviously. Free drink! Perhaps I will feel differently when I'm sober but it just felt like a risk I was okay with, like it just made sense that what she was saying was legit and I'm cheap.

Mia said not to, but fuck her, she's in Australia and I am here, partying and dancing and I am so HAPPY right now, like I feel so content and like, she isn't going to know what hit her when I return, I'm just going to be so confident and I will go out more and I will drink and talk and laugh and she's just going to be like 'where is my best friend gone, who is shy and terrible?' and I will just laugh at her because I am LEARNING to be better, and my limits and that dancing is just fun and that drinking makes it so, so great and it just makes you lose all self consciousness. By the end, I was just giggling and having so much fun, I didn't want to leave.

Simon was protecting us from all the creeps, and while I was on the lookout for hot guys to kiss, I was fine with not seeing anyone. My room is such as mess and while I do long to be on the wall of shame and being a 'citizen of Sexeter', I can wait until my room is clean and I find someone I really like (at least like the look of) because I was just asking myself 'do I really want his dick in me' and the answer was very much no.

By the end, I just had so much fun dancing. Like, I got to the point where I wasn't thinking  about it, I just did whatever fucking came to mind, and I danced with all the girls, even though most of them I still feel like I am not on the personal level with yet- when I am sober.

Jen is, because she spends more time with them at Uni when I don't, so I haven't made these connections yet but I really want to and I was kind of anxious about it, but now I just feel like I need to keep going out and being sociable and it will happen. And like, they are actually great and funny and fun, and they have Tumblr and are feminists and while I wouldn't be friends with them at home necessarily, I love that they are different to me but I am realising I can be friends with more than just people who are like me 100%. There is more to life than that.

God, I just want to DANCE. I want to not be home, I want to still be at the club, dancing my ass off.

Fucking England, with their weird ass club culture of closing early.

I just feel super loose, like my ears are ringing but my body just has that slight disconnect, like when I roll my legs to one side they just go, and sway, and I'm just like 'yeah, fuck yeah, don't tell me I'm making bad decisions Mia, I'm awesome and I'm being safe, I am, especially after what happened, like I would do anything to put myself in a vulnerable position, and I have a group of friends who come looking for me when I go the bathroom and don't tell them, they won't let me go fucking off with someone unless I give them an explicit and enthusiastic yes.

They always say you don't know how drunk you are until you go the bathroom and it's the truest saying there is. Like, on the dancefloor, you just move and you can't really tell that you are drunk, because it's so loud and you are just moving, but as soon as you are alone and in a small space where you are still, it's just like 'fuck it, I'm drunk' or not-- which is when you go get another drink.

Fuck.

I have a Skype date with my Dad at 10am tomorrow. It's the first time since I got here, and I won't miss it for the world but it's already 3:30am. I think another glass of water is in order but I had like 6 Jagerbombs and they literally are 3/4 Red Bull so I am hyped.

Just want to run and move.

Maybe I should go out now. Just go outside and run and run and run.

No, that's a fucking bad drunk idea. I could go make a pizza? NO FUCKING BAD IDEA, WHAT THE HELL. At least I can tell it's all caused by my drunk mind. Not saying it's not tempting but.

I swear a lot more when I'm buzzed. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

I just like it, it's like 'um', I just use it to fill in the blanks. Like, when on the hunt for a hard to find word, I'm just like 'yeah, she's fuckin'... fucking... fucking...' until I find it in my vocab somewhere hiding.

And I know some people think it's embarrassing to showcase being drunk, because it's like being stupid, but it's not. Like, I could put on my critical thinking cap and go alright, but it's quite a worthwhile trade off, just this feeling of confidence and contentment and enthusiasm.

I like it.