Gender and Preferences

“While a gay man might casually mention his husband, or a lesbian might out herself by talking about her girlfriend, bisexuals are often wrongly assumed to be straight or gay depending on who they are with. Spelling out that they are bisexual can be misconstrued as rejecting a current partner or declaring themselves up for anything.
Faith Cheltenham, president of the national bisexual organization BiNet USA, was often presumed to be lesbian when she dated women. When she met the man who would become her husband, she worried people would assume she was straight, invalidating the work she did to come out.
But when she tries to correct that assumption, some mistake it as a sexual invitation. They say, “Why would you tell me you’re bi when your husband is right there?" Cheltenham said.”

I didn't used to really believe this but then I had this conversation with someone who really surprised me. I just saw this quote which reminded me of that, so I looked up the messages on facebook from back when I mentioned to him I was bi.

Him: I'd mention that once you have a bf. Time it badly and it will go bad, time it right and who knows
Me: I don't think it's a big deal
Him: Some people, especially guys do
Me: Why
Him: It can be a good thing or a bad thing, there's that mass fantasy amongst males
Me: Which is exactly the wrong reason to tell someone because it's not about that at all
Him: But the more logical of us realise that can mean that the girl prefers girls and then that causes issues
Me: Only if they're insecure
Him: Even if they aren't
Me: Being bi doesn't mean you like any more people than being straight does or that being in a relationship means anything different
Him: Depends, do u like the idea of a threeway
Me: All being bi means is that i don't see gender as all powerful in terms of who I can like
Him: If u don't then be careful when/if u tell the bloke
Me: No, that's stupid
Him: Or it will at least become important
Me: No it wont
Him: Ok luce
Me: All being bi means is that I could date a girl or a guy and be happy. Not that it changes anything inside a relationship once I'm in it
Him: It will affect it
Me: If I'm with a guy, I'm with a guy and I don't need a girl, so why would it affect it
Him: just don't argue, i know males
Me: Then explain it to me. What part of it makes men uncomfortable?
Him: It doesn't make them uncomfortable. The idea will be in his head that u cld allow another girl into the bedroom
Me: Then just explain the idea that no, that isn't what it means
Him: This makes them uncomfortable because they don't want to press the issue but all their buddies will be saying to go for it
Me: Then they should get some buddies that aren't dickheads, honestly

I just don't understand why people have to think it's weird to want more than one gender. Like, it's fine to like more than one hair colour, or race, why not both guys and girls? It's not so hard to grasp. It doesn't mean that you aren't happy with one when you have it, it doesn't mean you feel like you are missing out by not having both, or that you want both at the same time. It's just that you are open to  both. And I stand by what I said, if you have friends telling you to get in there and convince your bisexual girlfriend to let you bang other girls with her, and that makes you uncomfortable, get better friends.

Like, maybe I'm into threesomes, maybe I'm not. Maybe if I was, I'd want two dudes over one of each. And it's not something to feel insecure about jfc! It doesn't increase the amount of people I could date by that much, it's still 50% ish, assuming half of the population is into women, only I can look at both genders and be like 'yes, would totes bang'. And if someone I'm dating is really that insecure that they would worry I like vagina more than their cock, then they just have to get over it. No one in the world can provide someone with everything they desire or want, it's always a tradeoff. If you are into monogamy, which I am, the idea is to get one person who is awesome and be happy with them. And they only get one personality, one hair colour, one skin colour, one build, one set of genitals and that's just how it fucking is. 

It doesn't mean you are only allowed to have one preference and have to think 'ew I hate everything that isn't exactly what my partner has', it doesn't work like that oh my god.