1. Lost netball tonight. Played GA so probably at least somewhat my fault. I shot really great but didn't perform that well when breaking/running fast enough.
2. Saw Sarah and the bub. Such a beautiful baby, I just want to kiss him all over his face all the time. Brings out so many cuddly, maternal instincts.
3. Uni back today! Took copious notes for the bffl, nearly killed myself in Econ lecture since it was like remedial Year 7 maths. For two hours. My laptop died. I used all my Candy Crush lives. I was starving. I actually started to wonder if I was finally experiencing the mythical female 'cramps' experience, but no, I really was just fricken hungry. (disappointment).
4. Realised I talk to other people a lot in my head. I hold way to many conversations to be normal. Half of my consciousness exists in the thought patterns of conversations between me and close friends as I provide to them the running commentary that I would like to if they were actually there. Like 'oh, I just saw so and so, you haven't seen them in ages have you, I bet you would totally say this if I told you that-- why do I even remember that, well I don't know, I keep good tabs on people I know, sue me it's not weird, you know, I've been thinking--'
5. Contrary to what I expected (and this isn't a new observation, but one I've been meaning to make, it that I know porn is supposed to objectify women and hold people to unrealistic standards or whatnot, but I actually find porn does the opposite. It's the opposite to dramatic movie sex scenes, which are beautiful and can't be lived up to. Everyone can fuck, and all the girls look kind of ugly and have stomach rolls and everything jiggles and looks hella awkward. Like, that is the opposite of making me insecure. Everybody looks sweaty, gross and undignified, which I really did not expect. I mean, I had zero idea of what it was going to look like (which is why I eventually bit the bullet and looked) and tbh nothing looked how I'd imagined but I found it made me less concerned, not more.
6. So I get to netball and Sarah's boyfriend is like 'so I heard you had a panic attack on the slopes which sure, is true, I did...twice. But it was a little unexpected that he and Sarah both new about it. Darn facebook and gossipy friends. Because it wasn't like that. I did freak, but it wasn't actual fear, I wasn't that scared (well, maybe the second one) but the first wasn't fear at all, it was just a weird reaction to shock and a sudden thunk as I hit a tree. The one the next day wouldn't have happened without the first already taken place ad kind of putting me in a mindset where I expected it. Whatever.
7. So the bffl gets back very soon. I think she is on the 30 hour trip back home now but I won't see her for 2 days due to her sleeping the day she gets back while I'm at uni/work. I'll be happy for her to be back obviously, but I didn't really miss her or anything. We still left messages etc and I was so busy it hardly occurred to me to miss her. It will be nice to see her :) And have her back in the country. There is something disconcerting knowing someone you love is a million miles away on the other side of the world.
8. My other best friend is back from her weekend away as well. I'm hoping she has some news for me, I'm waiting very patiently but I've been quite excited all week. We do dinner on Tuesday nights, I think that is our thing, so I will see her tomorrow for cheap Chinese food or some other type of cheap Tuesday night meal and we will talk. Both of us will have a lot to see I think since it's been over a week an a half and two holidays in between.
9. My sleeping state is fucked. I went to bed at 6pm and woke at 3am. It's now midnight so that is 21 hours awake thus far and I'm bushed. Will sleep once I think of a 10th thing to write about.
10. I was running late to netball (of course), got down to the garage, realised I'd left the car with 2km to empty in the tank and since I was so late, had no time to go to the servo so just had to wing it. Thankfully I made it and have now filled up. I really don't know why I leave it so close, yolo and all that. I'm a thrill seeker. Also, both me and my girls won netball on Saturday and my girls won 5/8 games on Sunday at the Gala day. Hurrah!
Tuesday, 30 July 2013
Monday, 29 July 2013
Gender and Preferences
“While a gay man might casually mention his husband, or a lesbian might out herself by talking about her girlfriend, bisexuals are often wrongly assumed to be straight or gay depending on who they are with. Spelling out that they are bisexual can be misconstrued as rejecting a current partner or declaring themselves up for anything.I didn't used to really believe this but then I had this conversation with someone who really surprised me. I just saw this quote which reminded me of that, so I looked up the messages on facebook from back when I mentioned to him I was bi.
Faith Cheltenham, president of the national bisexual organization BiNet USA, was often presumed to be lesbian when she dated women. When she met the man who would become her husband, she worried people would assume she was straight, invalidating the work she did to come out.
But when she tries to correct that assumption, some mistake it as a sexual invitation. They say, “Why would you tell me you’re bi when your husband is right there?" Cheltenham said.”
Him: I'd mention that once you have a bf. Time it badly and it will go bad, time it right and who knows
Me: I don't think it's a big deal
Him: Some people, especially guys do
Me: Why
Him: It can be a good thing or a bad thing, there's that mass fantasy amongst males
Me: Which is exactly the wrong reason to tell someone because it's not about that at all
Him: But the more logical of us realise that can mean that the girl prefers girls and then that causes issues
Me: Only if they're insecure
Him: Even if they aren't
Me: Being bi doesn't mean you like any more people than being straight does or that being in a relationship means anything different
Him: Depends, do u like the idea of a threeway
Me: All being bi means is that i don't see gender as all powerful in terms of who I can like
Him: If u don't then be careful when/if u tell the bloke
Me: No, that's stupid
Him: Or it will at least become important
Me: No it wont
Him: Ok luce
Me: All being bi means is that I could date a girl or a guy and be happy. Not that it changes anything inside a relationship once I'm in it
Him: It will affect it
Me: If I'm with a guy, I'm with a guy and I don't need a girl, so why would it affect it
Him: just don't argue, i know males
Me: Then explain it to me. What part of it makes men uncomfortable?
Him: It doesn't make them uncomfortable. The idea will be in his head that u cld allow another girl into the bedroom
Me: Then just explain the idea that no, that isn't what it means
Him: This makes them uncomfortable because they don't want to press the issue but all their buddies will be saying to go for it
Me: Then they should get some buddies that aren't dickheads, honestly
Wednesday, 24 July 2013
Ski trip musings.
Back from the snow! I went skiing with a bunch of friends for 4 nights down in Jindabyne which was lots of fun. Skiing isn't my favourite thing, because it's scary and painful but it's also fun (mostly) and I love being with friends and doing something active, as well as being on holidays and creating new bonds between myself and people I'm not particularly close to.
I travelled the 5 and a half hour trip there and back with my friend, a boyfriend of one of my best friends. The other four all travelled together without us, so we were by ourselves and it was a really good time. I had wondered what we would talk about to pass the time, but I figured out that it's pretty easy to keep a comfortable conversation going, just about things happening at the time.
Since we were comfortable whenever we lapsed into silence, it was very easy just to talk about the music we were listening to (his first, then mine), driving instructions, plans for the trip ahead, and of course, his girlfriend and my best friend (as they are the same person). It was nice to just chill out, sing along to music (it is so fucking endearing when some boys sing along quietly to the music they like), and joke around with this person who is not a regular conversationalist of mine, though we've known each other since Year 7.
The trip back though, that was where our conversations actually got really deep and intense, which was great. Unexpected but I am up for a DnM, any time, especially with someone of the opposite sex who I don't think I know the inner workings of very well. He is much better at reading me than I am at deciphering him, though I like the think I gave it a good go, made easier by him being amused and open to my probing. He's very different to most people I know, and I don't think I fully appreciated it before? I got beyond the surface and I think I appreciate his personality a lot more because I understand much more of his inner workings. I also think that this weekend was him kind of showing his best side. I am not saying I think it was intentional or because of me, but the situation of the trip was a good environment for him and I was in a state that let him show it off.
I suppose I should talk about the actual trip now, as opposed to just my best friends boyfriend haha. But like, really, skiing is skiing, mates are mates, but real friends, that's the important stuff.
Basically the highlights (or lowlights I suppose) is that I kind of had a panic attack on the slopes? I mean, I just got a D in Abnormal Psychology and I could list a bunch of DSM IV criteria for a panic attack, though I don't remember how many are needed for a diagnosis. But I was stressed to the max, I stacked hard, face first into a tree in a ditch, and I just lay there stunned for a moment, then started to sob and hyperventilate.
The same kind of thing has happened before, when I've had a sudden pain/shock from an unexpected fall. Once when I was running, I was waiting for a light to change, jogging on the spot when I fell and sprained my ankle, and I just lost it. Not so much the hyperventilation but the very raw crying, just in this crazy mood when nothing is comforting, it's just sob and sob and it just runs amok. I remember limping home crying, then leaning my forehead against the inside of the front door and just falling apart.
That is basically what happened. I lay there not responding as a friend asked if I was alright, only moving when two guys I didn't know came over to pull me up and out of the ditch. Minutes later we finally reached the chairlift, it was a double and we were three people so I was by myself, so I basically just continued to cry and barely be able to catch my breath. I just wanted to find the others, to make it back, and after the chairlift, I got my skis off, spotted the boys, eventually caught up to them, and when my friend saw me, he basically was just like 'are you alright?' and I was like 'yeah...no.... I don't... yeah.' And I'm still crying like mad so when he asked how the run was, I was just like gasping 'bad'. So he hugged me and did the 'rub thumb comfortingly on shoulder' which I have always appreciated, not so much because it does anything for me, but I enjoy the intent behind it.
I'm just highlighting here, this guy is just a good friend, I'm dedicating this entry to him as a friend, 100% that is all, he has always been my proof that I can have guy friends with no romantic and/or sexual undertones what so ever. Appreciating physical contact like hugs, isn't about attraction, not at all, it's the fact that he doesn't do it often and it isn't something he engages in lightly so it meant a lot for him to do so. And honestly, I automatically drift towards people I see as towers of strength and he was that for me a lot of the trip, as my closest friend there and the most skilled and knowledgable about the snow and skiing, so it was natural for me to head for him when I was upset. He picked up that role pretty well, I think it is his nature to be protective, which I didn't really see before, but I'm not usually so out of my element as when skiing so I suppose that's why I noticed it more when I was playing damsel in distress, what with the worrying and terror that skiing causes me.
Other than that though, the trip was a great success, next year hopefully we'll end up in New Zealand, as it isn't really much more money, since lift tickets in Australia are incredibly expensive. Skiing is a good life skill to know, it's a great way to be social with a group that I'm social with but not overly close to, and it is fun. Just want to sleep now though, so buggered from the whole thing. Late nights, early starts and hardcore exercise for 4 days straight is not for the faint of heart (though apparently it is when said individual has work the following 3 days, basketball on two, and then 2 days of straight netball before uni starts back).
I travelled the 5 and a half hour trip there and back with my friend, a boyfriend of one of my best friends. The other four all travelled together without us, so we were by ourselves and it was a really good time. I had wondered what we would talk about to pass the time, but I figured out that it's pretty easy to keep a comfortable conversation going, just about things happening at the time.
Since we were comfortable whenever we lapsed into silence, it was very easy just to talk about the music we were listening to (his first, then mine), driving instructions, plans for the trip ahead, and of course, his girlfriend and my best friend (as they are the same person). It was nice to just chill out, sing along to music (it is so fucking endearing when some boys sing along quietly to the music they like), and joke around with this person who is not a regular conversationalist of mine, though we've known each other since Year 7.
The trip back though, that was where our conversations actually got really deep and intense, which was great. Unexpected but I am up for a DnM, any time, especially with someone of the opposite sex who I don't think I know the inner workings of very well. He is much better at reading me than I am at deciphering him, though I like the think I gave it a good go, made easier by him being amused and open to my probing. He's very different to most people I know, and I don't think I fully appreciated it before? I got beyond the surface and I think I appreciate his personality a lot more because I understand much more of his inner workings. I also think that this weekend was him kind of showing his best side. I am not saying I think it was intentional or because of me, but the situation of the trip was a good environment for him and I was in a state that let him show it off.
I suppose I should talk about the actual trip now, as opposed to just my best friends boyfriend haha. But like, really, skiing is skiing, mates are mates, but real friends, that's the important stuff.
Basically the highlights (or lowlights I suppose) is that I kind of had a panic attack on the slopes? I mean, I just got a D in Abnormal Psychology and I could list a bunch of DSM IV criteria for a panic attack, though I don't remember how many are needed for a diagnosis. But I was stressed to the max, I stacked hard, face first into a tree in a ditch, and I just lay there stunned for a moment, then started to sob and hyperventilate.
The same kind of thing has happened before, when I've had a sudden pain/shock from an unexpected fall. Once when I was running, I was waiting for a light to change, jogging on the spot when I fell and sprained my ankle, and I just lost it. Not so much the hyperventilation but the very raw crying, just in this crazy mood when nothing is comforting, it's just sob and sob and it just runs amok. I remember limping home crying, then leaning my forehead against the inside of the front door and just falling apart.
That is basically what happened. I lay there not responding as a friend asked if I was alright, only moving when two guys I didn't know came over to pull me up and out of the ditch. Minutes later we finally reached the chairlift, it was a double and we were three people so I was by myself, so I basically just continued to cry and barely be able to catch my breath. I just wanted to find the others, to make it back, and after the chairlift, I got my skis off, spotted the boys, eventually caught up to them, and when my friend saw me, he basically was just like 'are you alright?' and I was like 'yeah...no.... I don't... yeah.' And I'm still crying like mad so when he asked how the run was, I was just like gasping 'bad'. So he hugged me and did the 'rub thumb comfortingly on shoulder' which I have always appreciated, not so much because it does anything for me, but I enjoy the intent behind it.
I'm just highlighting here, this guy is just a good friend, I'm dedicating this entry to him as a friend, 100% that is all, he has always been my proof that I can have guy friends with no romantic and/or sexual undertones what so ever. Appreciating physical contact like hugs, isn't about attraction, not at all, it's the fact that he doesn't do it often and it isn't something he engages in lightly so it meant a lot for him to do so. And honestly, I automatically drift towards people I see as towers of strength and he was that for me a lot of the trip, as my closest friend there and the most skilled and knowledgable about the snow and skiing, so it was natural for me to head for him when I was upset. He picked up that role pretty well, I think it is his nature to be protective, which I didn't really see before, but I'm not usually so out of my element as when skiing so I suppose that's why I noticed it more when I was playing damsel in distress, what with the worrying and terror that skiing causes me.
Other than that though, the trip was a great success, next year hopefully we'll end up in New Zealand, as it isn't really much more money, since lift tickets in Australia are incredibly expensive. Skiing is a good life skill to know, it's a great way to be social with a group that I'm social with but not overly close to, and it is fun. Just want to sleep now though, so buggered from the whole thing. Late nights, early starts and hardcore exercise for 4 days straight is not for the faint of heart (though apparently it is when said individual has work the following 3 days, basketball on two, and then 2 days of straight netball before uni starts back).
Friday, 19 July 2013
Skiiiiiiing
So I'm going skiing tomorrow :)
I think it'll all be really good, good people, fun skiing, nice place. We'll play a lot of Canasta, I get to bro out with Hugh for 5 days, I don't have to worry about hooking up with anyone (all the guys are ex boyfriends of my besties or current bfs) and the girls are either not my type or straight so it's just platonic and fun, just maybe teasing.
I'm worried about stuff... like social stuff, and you know, dying on the slopes, but it's just nerves I think. Things always go wrong, but they sort themselves out too. If Hugh and I don't talk the whole 5 hour drive, if I'm embarrassingly bad at skiing compared to the others, if I don't have the right equipment, if I fart while surrounded by group, like, I mean, ok that last one was a joke, but I'm going to be there without a close friend. If I cry, I don't have anyone to cry to, and that's a big deal for me, because I get emotional, especially on long trips, and talking to best friends is how I diffuse.
Emotional validation is like a huge thing for me, I really get a lot out of sharing my issues and knowing they're being recieved by someone. Like this blog. Naming the things I feel and explaining them to an audience is a lot more helpful to me then when it's a private/draft entry that no one sees. which does little for me.
I'm just afraid. I know how scary skiing can be, I know how awkward I can feel in a group, how indimidated, how I go along with group decisions even if they freak me the fuck out.
When I was 6 or 7, I was at my next door neighbours birthday and everyone was taking turns riding a skateboard down the road (we lived in a quiet cul-de-sac) and I knew I couldn't do it, I didn't know how to skateboard, but I couldn't find a way to say it, so I tried and I fell and hurt myself.
That's the fear I have of skiing, because in some ways, getting left behind is worse but that's theoretical and being sprawled halfway down a slope, struggling to get back in my skis and knowing at least 3 or 4 more crashes and even more internal explosions of panic as I struggle to keep in control are inevitable before I made it to the bottom, that's real. And sucks a bit.
I don't know. It's one of those things that sucks but you feel afterwards WOOO LET'S DO IT AGAIN.
So here we go...
I think it'll all be really good, good people, fun skiing, nice place. We'll play a lot of Canasta, I get to bro out with Hugh for 5 days, I don't have to worry about hooking up with anyone (all the guys are ex boyfriends of my besties or current bfs) and the girls are either not my type or straight so it's just platonic and fun, just maybe teasing.
I'm worried about stuff... like social stuff, and you know, dying on the slopes, but it's just nerves I think. Things always go wrong, but they sort themselves out too. If Hugh and I don't talk the whole 5 hour drive, if I'm embarrassingly bad at skiing compared to the others, if I don't have the right equipment, if I fart while surrounded by group, like, I mean, ok that last one was a joke, but I'm going to be there without a close friend. If I cry, I don't have anyone to cry to, and that's a big deal for me, because I get emotional, especially on long trips, and talking to best friends is how I diffuse.
Emotional validation is like a huge thing for me, I really get a lot out of sharing my issues and knowing they're being recieved by someone. Like this blog. Naming the things I feel and explaining them to an audience is a lot more helpful to me then when it's a private/draft entry that no one sees. which does little for me.
I'm just afraid. I know how scary skiing can be, I know how awkward I can feel in a group, how indimidated, how I go along with group decisions even if they freak me the fuck out.
When I was 6 or 7, I was at my next door neighbours birthday and everyone was taking turns riding a skateboard down the road (we lived in a quiet cul-de-sac) and I knew I couldn't do it, I didn't know how to skateboard, but I couldn't find a way to say it, so I tried and I fell and hurt myself.
That's the fear I have of skiing, because in some ways, getting left behind is worse but that's theoretical and being sprawled halfway down a slope, struggling to get back in my skis and knowing at least 3 or 4 more crashes and even more internal explosions of panic as I struggle to keep in control are inevitable before I made it to the bottom, that's real. And sucks a bit.
I don't know. It's one of those things that sucks but you feel afterwards WOOO LET'S DO IT AGAIN.
So here we go...
Friday, 12 July 2013
It's nice being told once in a while that someone would be down to bang you.
I mean, I know who is messaging me (even if it's on anon) and I'm not into them, but I don't mind 'flirting' because it doesn't hurt anyone.
It makes me feel good (until they start romantic flirting) and presumably it's not hurting them either, so win win.
As a general rule, I am a lot more comfortable with being wanted phyically, it's only when a guy actually wants me for my personality that I shudder and turn off and be like ew no.
The loophole is giving me attention but acting like an asshole because ambiguity is at the root of all attraction. If you may like me, but I'm not sure, so I have to work to find out, that's how guys make girls chase them. I think anyway :)
~~~~
Damn it, my best friend may be half way around the world but she knows how to ruin things.
I am mad.
~~~~
So really, not a big deal. A guy I know messaged me on Tumblr, stating obliquely that he would be down to fuck me hard over a table. It was anonymous but well... I'm not an idiot.
Actually, I didn't get the message, what I got was him apologising for the message, after assuming my non response was offence. Then he resent when I was like 'lol what?'
I shouldn't have encouraged it, I know, but this is one of my bad traits, I encourage boys I don't like. I was/am never going to fuck this guy, never gonna kiss him or do anything in person. But I have hormones ok and I read too much smut and I thought, good opportunity, maybe this could be sexy?
But sadly, his messages dissolved into 'I want to hold you' etc and that's such a turn off, I was just like no thanks. That only makes me happy in real life, with actual romantic feelings, not purely... whatever this was, since I was neither physically or romantically into this guy. Anyway, I was hoping I could get tingles if he happened to be exceptionally eloquent and confident, but sadly my bitching to my bffl just lead to her anonymously messaging him, telling him that was what I wanted.
If you have to be told...
Plus, he probably thought it was me messaging him and that ruined it. I just disengaged.
For the best probably. It's not that I have a problem messing around, but I should do it when I have interest, rather than just doing it while disengaged, mostly just for psychological kicks.
Also, just have to say, I am obsessed with Ed Sheeran right now. So much talent, dear God.
I mean, I know who is messaging me (even if it's on anon) and I'm not into them, but I don't mind 'flirting' because it doesn't hurt anyone.
It makes me feel good (until they start romantic flirting) and presumably it's not hurting them either, so win win.
As a general rule, I am a lot more comfortable with being wanted phyically, it's only when a guy actually wants me for my personality that I shudder and turn off and be like ew no.
The loophole is giving me attention but acting like an asshole because ambiguity is at the root of all attraction. If you may like me, but I'm not sure, so I have to work to find out, that's how guys make girls chase them. I think anyway :)
~~~~
Damn it, my best friend may be half way around the world but she knows how to ruin things.
I am mad.
~~~~
So really, not a big deal. A guy I know messaged me on Tumblr, stating obliquely that he would be down to fuck me hard over a table. It was anonymous but well... I'm not an idiot.
Actually, I didn't get the message, what I got was him apologising for the message, after assuming my non response was offence. Then he resent when I was like 'lol what?'
I shouldn't have encouraged it, I know, but this is one of my bad traits, I encourage boys I don't like. I was/am never going to fuck this guy, never gonna kiss him or do anything in person. But I have hormones ok and I read too much smut and I thought, good opportunity, maybe this could be sexy?
But sadly, his messages dissolved into 'I want to hold you' etc and that's such a turn off, I was just like no thanks. That only makes me happy in real life, with actual romantic feelings, not purely... whatever this was, since I was neither physically or romantically into this guy. Anyway, I was hoping I could get tingles if he happened to be exceptionally eloquent and confident, but sadly my bitching to my bffl just lead to her anonymously messaging him, telling him that was what I wanted.
If you have to be told...
Plus, he probably thought it was me messaging him and that ruined it. I just disengaged.
For the best probably. It's not that I have a problem messing around, but I should do it when I have interest, rather than just doing it while disengaged, mostly just for psychological kicks.
Also, just have to say, I am obsessed with Ed Sheeran right now. So much talent, dear God.
Friday, 5 July 2013
Life Update
So, my bffl is in Europe for a month.
It's cool so far, we've messaged a few times, it's not like France doesn't have Wifi. I haven't missed her much, because I'm pretty busy, keeping my social life up as planned, because I was concerned about the whole no bffl thing and being bored/lonely.
She isn't my only friend by any means, I have a fair few friends and quite a few best friends (the English language doesn't really allow me to differentiate better than that but I'll try to explain. I have Mia, my bffl. I see her 3x times a week. Maybe 5x or more. I talk to her pretty much every day and am comfortable with her in most every way. We hang out and eat and watch TV and don't maintain many boundaries. She's my bffl.
Then I have my best friend, who I love muchly, but don't see more than once a week, and we talk less. But I don't love her less, I talk to her more seriously, and when I'm with her, we are very close and things are pretty chill.
Then two other assorted best friends who are awesome and I'm close to, plus a bunch of other people I'm comfortable with or can talk to on the regular.
I'm hooking up with them more obviously, to fill in the bffl gap and so far it's working well.
Today is the first day in a week that I haven't seen my friends, and on a bunch of days, I saw more than one friend or had more than one social outing so BAM, I'm practically popular. I did hangdog on Tuesday for the first time in ages, two people texted me to ask so I was like, cool, sure and went along. It turned out to be 5/6 of the people that I'm going skiing with in two weeks, so that was a nice coincidence. I am quite excited for the trip. Me and my best friends boyfriend will be driving up together just us (nothing suss), and while finding conversation for that many hours may be a challenge, if we can agree on music then I think we'll get along fine :) He's a good guy and I want him to be my bro.
I swear, now that exams are over, all the things I was so excited to do during exams, I am totally unenthused for now. Isn't that always the way? Instead of productively reading the rest of the Game of Thrones series, or watching Orphan Black or doing something that actually needs to be done, I mostly Tumble and listen to Louis CK talk on Youtube. Not that I have much scope of reference for stand up comedy but he's hilarious and actually makes me laugh out loud/choke while drinking so I approve. Still, there is probably better ways to spend my time.
I'm still working on my exchange application, I only have a month left and I'm starting to stress, but I will go to Uni tomorrow to get shit done hopefully.
Anyway, that's my life xx
It's cool so far, we've messaged a few times, it's not like France doesn't have Wifi. I haven't missed her much, because I'm pretty busy, keeping my social life up as planned, because I was concerned about the whole no bffl thing and being bored/lonely.
She isn't my only friend by any means, I have a fair few friends and quite a few best friends (the English language doesn't really allow me to differentiate better than that but I'll try to explain. I have Mia, my bffl. I see her 3x times a week. Maybe 5x or more. I talk to her pretty much every day and am comfortable with her in most every way. We hang out and eat and watch TV and don't maintain many boundaries. She's my bffl.
Then I have my best friend, who I love muchly, but don't see more than once a week, and we talk less. But I don't love her less, I talk to her more seriously, and when I'm with her, we are very close and things are pretty chill.
Then two other assorted best friends who are awesome and I'm close to, plus a bunch of other people I'm comfortable with or can talk to on the regular.
I'm hooking up with them more obviously, to fill in the bffl gap and so far it's working well.
Today is the first day in a week that I haven't seen my friends, and on a bunch of days, I saw more than one friend or had more than one social outing so BAM, I'm practically popular. I did hangdog on Tuesday for the first time in ages, two people texted me to ask so I was like, cool, sure and went along. It turned out to be 5/6 of the people that I'm going skiing with in two weeks, so that was a nice coincidence. I am quite excited for the trip. Me and my best friends boyfriend will be driving up together just us (nothing suss), and while finding conversation for that many hours may be a challenge, if we can agree on music then I think we'll get along fine :) He's a good guy and I want him to be my bro.
I swear, now that exams are over, all the things I was so excited to do during exams, I am totally unenthused for now. Isn't that always the way? Instead of productively reading the rest of the Game of Thrones series, or watching Orphan Black or doing something that actually needs to be done, I mostly Tumble and listen to Louis CK talk on Youtube. Not that I have much scope of reference for stand up comedy but he's hilarious and actually makes me laugh out loud/choke while drinking so I approve. Still, there is probably better ways to spend my time.
I'm still working on my exchange application, I only have a month left and I'm starting to stress, but I will go to Uni tomorrow to get shit done hopefully.
Anyway, that's my life xx
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