So Easters is tomorrow and I'm so worried about it. I don't want to go, I really really really don't. I was looking forward to it, and I was excited that I got in a good team and I like all the girls going, even if I'm not ultra close to them, and the boys are all nice, but I just don't do that well in group settings, I'm too quiet and everyone else gets along so well and I just end up on the sidelines and it makes me super sad.
And I don't want to have fun right now, I just want to stay home and be sad, and I don't want to be away for Easter, I want to be at home with my family, and with Liz and I don't have anything to wear for the Championship dinner and I'm scared I'm not good enough and I'm worried about the drama that is going to happen and I'm just fantasising about messaging Ben and telling him I don't want to go, and I know he'd just convince me to come anyway, but I just know it's not going to be fun half the time, and the boys in my team, one of them I know and I don't like that much, like he's okay but not my type of person at all, and the other I have never spoken to, but he just graduated from Smith's Hill, so I think we'll get along, but he's still a stranger and it's just going to be awkward and embarrassing because I'm going to mess things up and if they have hopes of breaking, I'm going to crush them, because I know I'm not good enough to break and I just don't want to put myself through letting them down and being a shit teammate.
I just don't want to go anywhere, I don't want to feel out of place and annoyed at everything and alone and I know I will. Women's was lovely because Liz was there and I always need at least one person that I know really really well, and I do have that people Mia is coming but she's going to have her own drama and she's a bit less reliable in that way.
It's frustrating because I know I'm going to force myself to go and I'm going to enjoy it and I'm never going to regret going but I just wish I didn't have this anxiety about it. And I want to be really involved in the Debating Society, but I don't know how to be and I'm just stresssssssed.
I need to calm my shit. I'm going to go there, debate and enjoy it, drink wine and spirits and have a great time and make friends and whisper and gossip with Mia and not hate it. I just need to be cool.
And I don't want to have fun right now, I just want to stay home and be sad, and I don't want to be away for Easter, I want to be at home with my family, and with Liz and I don't have anything to wear for the Championship dinner and I'm scared I'm not good enough and I'm worried about the drama that is going to happen and I'm just fantasising about messaging Ben and telling him I don't want to go, and I know he'd just convince me to come anyway, but I just know it's not going to be fun half the time, and the boys in my team, one of them I know and I don't like that much, like he's okay but not my type of person at all, and the other I have never spoken to, but he just graduated from Smith's Hill, so I think we'll get along, but he's still a stranger and it's just going to be awkward and embarrassing because I'm going to mess things up and if they have hopes of breaking, I'm going to crush them, because I know I'm not good enough to break and I just don't want to put myself through letting them down and being a shit teammate.
I just don't want to go anywhere, I don't want to feel out of place and annoyed at everything and alone and I know I will. Women's was lovely because Liz was there and I always need at least one person that I know really really well, and I do have that people Mia is coming but she's going to have her own drama and she's a bit less reliable in that way.
It's frustrating because I know I'm going to force myself to go and I'm going to enjoy it and I'm never going to regret going but I just wish I didn't have this anxiety about it. And I want to be really involved in the Debating Society, but I don't know how to be and I'm just stresssssssed.
I need to calm my shit. I'm going to go there, debate and enjoy it, drink wine and spirits and have a great time and make friends and whisper and gossip with Mia and not hate it. I just need to be cool.
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