What I am thinking about today, on the eve of my 21^st birthday is toughness.

That may sound like an odd topic, but a) come on, I’ve made over 300 posts, sometimes things are going to be a bit of a reach, and b) no seriously, this is going to be a good post. Give it a chance.

I had my work Christmas drinks last night, in lieu of the big mall Christmas party, which was cancelled due to lack of interest. It was a really, genuinely fun night. I had a great time. I was the last to arrive—my day yesterday was so terrible, I won’t go into it, but at 5:45 all I wanted to do was close my bedroom door and throw myself onto my bed and weep. It was that kind of day.

But I’d said I’d go to the drinks thing, so I put on a dress and did my hair and got a taxi and made it to the Illawarra, which is actually a bar before it turns into a club, who knew? It was the three of us girls that work at my work, plus my Boss, his wife, who is also my boss really, and another employee from the other store, which my Boss’s wife runs. So just the six of us.

I get along very well with both the girls I work with. Stacey I’ve known for three years now, and she used to be the primary school best friend of one of my current BFFs so that was a fun connection for us. Cat and I also have those weird connections of her being the roommate of a girl I knew quite well, and we both worked at the same other job, back when I was a waitress, though we never worked together as I left basically as she started. But due to those connections, we have a lot of mutual friends.

And I’ve been working at my job for three years now, so it’s a comfortable place for me. This drinks thing was new. Seeing your boss drink is like seeing a teacher drink. You know they do it but seeing it and interacting with it is a different ballgame.

I’m going to get to the theme of the entry in a minute, I swear, I just need to set up the context.

So, Michael, my boss, is shouting us, which was incredibly nice of him, because we drank a lot. And once he got drunk, it was so obvious. But in a funny way, just like he was louder and his words were slightly, slightly slurred.

And we were talking about other jobs, because unlike me who had this job as my first job, the other two worked since they were 14 and had a whole range of crappy jobs and like, how they’d finish their shift and come home crying because of all the getting yelled at and stress and what not, which I honestly cannot relate to.

Like, I complain here a little bit, like a month or to ago saying work was stressful because Michael had turned up the stress-o-meter, but really, it's not bad. And this last month, I've enjoyed more than ever. Especially now exams are over, the two girls who are newer at my work are gone for the summer and it's back to just the core cast of Stacey, Cat and I. We can do 4 shifts each a week, and it's great. I mean, it doesn't get split exactly like that- I work a bit less because I live at home and have no financial responsibilities. Like, Stacey doesn't go to uni so this is her 'job', not just her on the side, casual thing, like it is for me, and Cat rents, so she needs more, which Michael understands and adjusts shifts accordingly. That means less for me, but I don't mind. Besides, I'll be earning a cool $23 an hour from tomorrow.

Anyway, Michael was saying that Stacey is too thin skinned, like if he tells he off too harshly, she'll cry. Michael puts the most pressure on her definitely. Cat, it amazed me when he said it because she's just a loud, opinionated, tough cookie type person, but he was like 'no, Cat mostly holds it together and doesn't take it personally but occasionally I have broken her'. (I know that sounds bad, but it was a joke kinda, he's a tough boss and he knows it). And Jesus, these are two of the most put together people I know, like, that he gets under their skin, I was shocked.

But not as much as I was when he said, 'but Lucy, no, she's the toughest of the lot of you, maybe the toughest I've ever had, she never takes it personally. When I get onto her, she just puts her head down and takes it on board and works harder."

And I was like, what.

And I said something like, well you always give me so much slack compared to everyone else, which I think is true, but he was like, 'no, I pushed you more than anyone and most people just quit but you just kept showing up.'

I don't know. I think it's a matter of other people seeing the highlights reel of my achievements and I see all the weird stuff like anxiety over calling work to get my shifts each week. 

But also I think I shouldn't discount compliments. I think a lot of the time I do just dismiss out of hand compliments and think about an insult a million times and that's silly and not helpful.

I mean, he did follow up with criticism about my lack of focus and constant being off with the fairies, a phrase I heard over and over throughout my childhood but I am trying to take that on board and be a bit more with it. I rebloggged a post on tumblr like, last week, that was like 'I wish someone could just follow me around for a week and like, objectively tell me what I'm like and how I come across and what sort of person I am', and I think what Michael said, for both better and worse, is a bit like that. So I'll take it gratefully :)

I need to write a post about my birthday now but I hadn't finished writing this post yet so I had to get this one out first otherwise I know I would never have finished it.

Lucy out.