Old hurts

So my best friend let me read through a bunch of her old diaries, mostly just funny, her liking this person, than this person, and jumping from 'I fucking hate his guts' to 'we're all cool now, this time for real'. Lots of truth or dare, msn etc. The good old days.

But one thing that did bother me, it's a fight we never had, never needed to have because it was never my right-- but at the same time, she hurt me really badly and beyond a few 'yeah I felt bad about that', it's never something we talked about. But basically, her boyfriend of 4 years now, I liked him a lot when they got together, and she always said she didn't like him. But then she did and he liked her and they got together and didn't tell me.

I found out when I saw them kissing a week later at school and I remember the feeling and it sucked. Because it wasn't sadness or whatnot, it was shock. And then that pathetic feeling when you realise you were really really stupid. Any feeling is better than that.

Of course I'm glad they got together, and I know that it was a hopeless crush, and I'm glad it was, I wouldn't want to be with the guy and we're totally incompatible. But at the time it didn't feel like that, he was someone I really liked, full on and she knew absolutely. I don't believe that you can 'layby' guys or that liking someone puts them off limits, but I think that she should have talked to me about it. Finding out by seeing them making out on the playground was really douche-y of her.

And yeah, it was obvious, but I'm gullible and she said they weren't dating. Sorry for taking my friends words as truth, I guess. I have that problem a lot, people lie to me all the time and I never realise. It's embarrassing.

I don't know why I'm having this rant now, I just... sometimes I love my best friend absolutely, she's the absolute bomb, but then other times she can be kind of a shitty friend. Not normally. But there are times. And it just irks me to death when she doesn't take me seriously. Sometimes it's hard for her to see other perspectives.