I had a really lovely night last night with the bae. We had a 21st with all our debater friends during which bae basically went off and became a bro with his guy friends, which to me is hilarious because his personality is like the opposite of bro culture but they giggle and have beers and talk about memes so like, cool. Whereas I hung out with the 4 people I knew well, and by the end of the night, the 4 other people I kind of know and like.
I don't mind operating in different spheres when it comes to debating events, because we both have our own little circles, even if there's a lot of overlap and there's no pressure to really hang out, like there was at the last 21st we went to where the golden rule was 'don't you dare leave my side'. Like, both work, it's nice not to be tied to one. I don't need to be a clingy couple. Basically every half an hour or hour I'd go over and he'd put his arm around me for a minute but then I'd go back to dancing.
When T-Swizzle came on and he wasn't dancing were the only times I raced over to him and was like, okay buddy talking time is over, put down the beer, this is urgent, it's dance with your girlfriend time.
Both times were a struggle to get him over, the second time it was 'Love Story' which, while slightly too sappy for our current status, was absolutely a song I wanted him to dance with me to and he was like nope. So I went back to the dance floor, miming a broken heart and then one of our guy friends went over to him and they chatted and then after that he came over and I didn't realise til after that he'd talked him into it, but #grateful. Though bae says he was always going to. Sure :P
Then bae was getting a lift home with Ben, and I was getting a lift home with someone else who had a full car so I asked Ben if I could go home with him instead. It was no extra trouble, but I was nervous that was clingy so I went over to bae and was like, not that I'm asking your permission or anything but is it cool I switched? and he was just like 'why though?' and I was like ??? so we can be together?? and he was like 'oh yeah, sweet, we can cuddle in the backseat' or something to that effect so like, clueless but meaning well.
Then when we got home he was like, 'sleep at mine?' and I was like, sure thing, so we went up, and I had like 3 glasses of water. I only had three or four glasses of wine but they really filled them up so that's probably like 6 or 7 standard drinks. Bae was sober and I was really not and he was supposed to be going back to Sydney at 7am the next day but once we were in bed and he was like, we really don't have time to have sex if I have to be up at 6:30 and I was like, thinking outside the box here but what if you, like, don't go. So long story short, I seduced him and I got what I wanted, even if it meant I slept in late and procrastinated my assignment.
I was also really proud of myself because I was really worried that I was going to get drunk and cry because alcohol, for everyone I suppose but for me in particular, tends to increase the intensity of whatever mood I am in prior to consumption. So happy moods are great, I love dancing and laughing and kissing and all the bright side of intoxication. But when I'm in a melancholy mood, I tend to become a crying drunk.
I was worried I was in a melancholy mood because I had cried earlier that day in the Woolworths car park because I had a dream about Liz, where she came back, having announced that she'd faked her death. I can't remember the reason, but it was a good one and I was so, so damn happy to have her back, I didn't question it at all. It was a devastating dream to wake up to though, and left me feeling really flat and sad and empty. I miss Lizzy so damn much, it's never that far away from the surface, so I was predicting that my night was gonna have a crying episode in it. I never feel embarrassed by it because I don't think grief is embarrassing and I don't think I'm an ugly crier, and I know that it helps me feel better, so I figured if it happened, it happened. But in the end, I never needed to.
Go me.
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