So I don't really feel like talking about all aspects of my life. Mental health is in a bad place really, has been for the last two months basically. Not badly, but I just am not on track right now and it's so hard to get back so it's depressing.
My birthday was wonderful, I spent it with a bunch of different friends/ family and just had a really nice day. I'm officially 22. How strange is that? And to think, my blog description still says I'm 18. I have my party happening next week, and Jen will be back for that (the reason I am holding it so late), and it's a joint birthday with two friends, though one of them went into inpatient care today for the foreseeable future so I'm not sure if she'll be able to leave there for the party for the evening or not. I'm really looking forward to having Jen back, i think that'll be really lovely.
Things with the FWB has been good. Sex is so silly but also good and obviously, super fun. It's definitely something that's interesting to think about and I'm happy with where that relationship is and that it's working. I try to check in with myself a lot with it, just because it is an odd situation and if something starts heading down a weird path of feelings, I want to know about it ASAP. Like, last week we hung out four nights in a row, which was nice, but after that it was like, 'wow, now what do I do with myself, it's been so long since I slept at home' and I didn't like that feeling. I couldn't really nail down why which bothered me, because I was like 'it's not because I have a crush and I miss him, is it?' which I was almost certain wasn't true but I couldn't work out what it was otherwise.
Now I think I've worked out why it makes me mildly uncomfortable and it's not about feelings, it's just because I don't like relying on people to be part of my everyday that are only there sometimes. It just puts me off balance and I don't like putting too many eggs in the basket of the person with whom I'm sleeping with most likely for a limited amount of time. Don't get me wrong, I'm not particularly worried that we won't continue to be friends, but it's just the type of relationship type that's less trustworthy for longevity than regular friendship. And obviously, we aren't going to sleep together forever, I personally would prefer it to be over soon, because that means I met someone I wanna be in a relationship with which is goal 1.
I mean, I'm gonna be in an open relationship approximately never.
We talked about it this morning and both of us were basically like, yeah this is still good and working out, and as far as sleeping over too many nights or too much in a row, he was kinda like (and this is something I've also thought) well, it just makes sense, like, if you have the choice between sleeping alone and having someone come over and sleep with you, even if it's just sleeping, it's just nicer, if there's no opportunity cost. So I understand why we do it, I just worry it may make things too intense, even though there is no line blurring or whatever in terms of romantic feelings, the only drawback is the way it makes me feel like something is missing when I don't have it?
Yeah, I think that's the thing. Good, glad I worked that one out. I may have to talk to him again to clarify that's what I meant when I said it was too much, rather than what I actually said which was that it was boundary blurring, which isn't really true, nor what I meant and which kind of sends the wrong message,
Also, things with Mia. She didn't get into Masters, which I feel is going to set things back because we were getting back into a good rhythm, but now I think she's gonna withdraw a lot to deal with her disappointment. It sucks balls that she didn't get in. Like, she can still do 5 + 1 and she was pretty accepting of that a month ago but then i think she got renewed hope so it was difficult for that to be crushed. I really need to do well in Honours.
Oh yeah, I got into Honours. Pretty big deal, I was stressing out. I'm pretty excited to get started. I mean, terrified but also a lil bit keen.
My birthday was wonderful, I spent it with a bunch of different friends/ family and just had a really nice day. I'm officially 22. How strange is that? And to think, my blog description still says I'm 18. I have my party happening next week, and Jen will be back for that (the reason I am holding it so late), and it's a joint birthday with two friends, though one of them went into inpatient care today for the foreseeable future so I'm not sure if she'll be able to leave there for the party for the evening or not. I'm really looking forward to having Jen back, i think that'll be really lovely.
Things with the FWB has been good. Sex is so silly but also good and obviously, super fun. It's definitely something that's interesting to think about and I'm happy with where that relationship is and that it's working. I try to check in with myself a lot with it, just because it is an odd situation and if something starts heading down a weird path of feelings, I want to know about it ASAP. Like, last week we hung out four nights in a row, which was nice, but after that it was like, 'wow, now what do I do with myself, it's been so long since I slept at home' and I didn't like that feeling. I couldn't really nail down why which bothered me, because I was like 'it's not because I have a crush and I miss him, is it?' which I was almost certain wasn't true but I couldn't work out what it was otherwise.
Now I think I've worked out why it makes me mildly uncomfortable and it's not about feelings, it's just because I don't like relying on people to be part of my everyday that are only there sometimes. It just puts me off balance and I don't like putting too many eggs in the basket of the person with whom I'm sleeping with most likely for a limited amount of time. Don't get me wrong, I'm not particularly worried that we won't continue to be friends, but it's just the type of relationship type that's less trustworthy for longevity than regular friendship. And obviously, we aren't going to sleep together forever, I personally would prefer it to be over soon, because that means I met someone I wanna be in a relationship with which is goal 1.
I mean, I'm gonna be in an open relationship approximately never.
We talked about it this morning and both of us were basically like, yeah this is still good and working out, and as far as sleeping over too many nights or too much in a row, he was kinda like (and this is something I've also thought) well, it just makes sense, like, if you have the choice between sleeping alone and having someone come over and sleep with you, even if it's just sleeping, it's just nicer, if there's no opportunity cost. So I understand why we do it, I just worry it may make things too intense, even though there is no line blurring or whatever in terms of romantic feelings, the only drawback is the way it makes me feel like something is missing when I don't have it?
Yeah, I think that's the thing. Good, glad I worked that one out. I may have to talk to him again to clarify that's what I meant when I said it was too much, rather than what I actually said which was that it was boundary blurring, which isn't really true, nor what I meant and which kind of sends the wrong message,
Also, things with Mia. She didn't get into Masters, which I feel is going to set things back because we were getting back into a good rhythm, but now I think she's gonna withdraw a lot to deal with her disappointment. It sucks balls that she didn't get in. Like, she can still do 5 + 1 and she was pretty accepting of that a month ago but then i think she got renewed hope so it was difficult for that to be crushed. I really need to do well in Honours.
Oh yeah, I got into Honours. Pretty big deal, I was stressing out. I'm pretty excited to get started. I mean, terrified but also a lil bit keen.
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