So sometime in the past, I posted either here or on Tumblr about a story I wrote while I was backpacking. I started it a week or two before I left Exeter but most of it was written 'on the road'. It was about what I'd do if I woke up in 1998 in my 4 year old body and had the chance to do over my life.
It was just fun, I really got into it, wrote a massive amount. It fizzled around 70k because I'd reached adulthood again and I wasn't so interested in writing about things that exist in reality as well as fiction. But I'm still adding to it and trying to come up with some conclusion, but alas, just as with my real life, I can't 'happily ever after' things at 21 because I have no idea what the next step is going to be for me, and it seems silly to end it 'and she married so and so, had four babies and lived happily by the sea forevermore'.
The reason I bring this story up, as a prelude to my actual theme, is that without thinking about it, by just writing my private, honest story, I came to a lot of relatively surprising conclusions about what I want out of life. It makes sense, when you write a story that allows you to fix all your mistakes and take back all your regrets with the benefit of hindsight, that it'll highlight exactly what things you consider important, what you wished was better in your life and how to fix it.
I mean, yeah, its super wish fulfilment which is the joy of it, but when I read it over, I realised that so many of the things I changed were things that are still in my reach now. Sure, I can't do them again as a child and be the best ever at them and experience them that way, but a lot of the things I changed were adding a million extra curriculars, different degrees, living more overseas etc.
So since being home, I've kind of had all these things on a mental list and have been thinking 'why not?'
The first thing I did was join Debating. In my story, I joined in Year Seven and did it all through high school but instead, I joined it super whole heartedly last year and now I love it. So I was right, it was something I dreamed about doing and by putting myself out there, I got to get involved in it. Voila, my life is infinitely more interesting. New hobby acquired.
Second, I regretted stopping Gymnastics in Year 8 and in my story, I not only kept up with it, but I did it like, three times a week and became a hardcore tumbler. Tumbling is the best part of gym in my opinion. So this summer, I started going to Hangtime, the trampolining place which opened up while I was overseas and as of today, started going to the Flight Classes there, which teach tumbling and tricks. And, will wonders never cease, it was with my old gym instructor, who taught me from age 5 to 14. So I'm going to tick that off as well. I wanted to learn to do handsprings and everything again, well, now I'm going to.
Third, I regretted never learning an instrument. Guess who now owns there very own guitar and is going to practice until she can play allllll the Taylor Swift songs the internet can teach her (aka all of them, youtube is a gem.)
Fourth! I was a beach baby and will likely be addicted to the beach til the day I die (of skin cancer probably) but I never learnt to surf or be that really dedicated beach bum that I know is inside me. I don't feel like I'm fit or confident enough to start learning to surf this Summer, but I've absolutely been doing my best to go to the beach every warm morning and swim before the sun gets deadly. I have the cutest bikini and even if it takes a lot of confidence to wear it, I do and try not to think that people might be looking and judging. And if I can't get that confident, I have boardies.
Fifth, I want to be way fitter. I think childhood self image never really leaves you, and because I did so much sport and gym and whatever, I was a really fit, strong kid until puberty. Even until 16/17 really. So that's who I want to be, that's who I feel like I'm supposed to be and because I was good, and I know I have the ability to be good at long distance running, I'm committed to getting better at that. I want to be one of those people that when they get stressed, instead of binging on every food item they can imagine (me), they go for a 10k run. I don't know if it's possible to train yourself to be that person, but it's the kind of personality trait protagonists of books and cool TV shows have. Like, in job interviews when they ask what your worst quality is, and you say something like, 'I'm TOO committed'. I want running to be that obsessive commitment.
Sixth, I've had a year off netball now and I need to get back into it desperately. It really is one of my great loves in life and I just want to season to start already, both the Uni comp and the Saturday one. I don't think I'm going to coach this year but play, hell yes.
Seven is basically the result of five and six, but I want to look fit as much as I want to be fit. I've been trying hard since December and while I'm still above the weight I was when I left for Exeter, I'm really hoping and planning on being below that by the time Uni starts back and then it's just a matter of slow and steady, working on my eating when things go wrong, watching my stress levels, and by the end of the year being 20kg lighter and being completely normal and ED-less. Of course, as far as the mental stuff goes, I'm also working on that, self love and self care and keeping control of anything obsessive or super negative. I'm gonna get healthy in all ways I can this year. That's not so much a commitment as just trying to find and keep a happy frame of mind. If I can do that, I'm confident the rest will fall into place. Not without a lot of effort sure, but it's not out of reach by any means. None of my goals are, which is awesome. I might not reach every goal I set this year, but knowing that I've identified all these things that I didn't realise how much I wanted until I saw them written into a story makes me feel good about them (and seeing how I am already working towards them all).
Oh, and eight, being more involved with people, planning more things, being a good friend and being more outgoing when organising events. I don't do badly at that stuff but I'd love to be more proactive. Write more letters, start more conversations, go out more, host more parties. Like, Valentines Day is coming up and I had such an amazing time last year with all my single ladies, we all cooked and brought up so much chocolate and we all dressed up and it was a super fun time. Even if I just do that again, with a few girls, some wine and some rom coms, that sounds nice. And I'm planning on joining a bunch more clubs this year, FemSoc, PhilSoc, Queer Collective (I want a girlfriend, lets be real), so I should be much busier and make lots of friends hooray. The way I see it is that these are all things I've always wanted to do, but have had an excuse for. Now I'm going to do them, so I can be a super involved, interesting person and have a tonne of fun doing it.
As this is my first post for the year, it's kind of like a list of New Years Resolutions, but not really. I think these things are just goals to work towards, a kind of template for how I understand I want my life to be. It's not about checkboxes so much as inching closer to becoming the person I want to be, having the life I want.
And as far as living overseas going, I have a lot of plans in mind for that too. And Jen is going back to Europe in June, so now I'm thinking my Europe2016 trip may be a Europe2015 trip instead (or as well as :P). And I'm going to try harder to decide how I'm going to live in London once my degree is done. If my grandfather was born before March 1922, I can get a 5 year ancestery visa and my grandfather was right on that line. Like, I might just make it by 3 months, or miss it just by the single year (which would be killer). If I can't get that visa though, I can always go for two years on a youth mobility visa but that one isn't as good. My mind is set though, it's going to happen.
Okay, that pretty much sums up my plans for the next semester/year/life. Everything else is going fine, it's a wonderful Summer, maybe the best yet. All my friends have left basically. Jess is still around until Thursday, but then she's in Armadale for 5 weeks so that's lame (for me). Jen is around too, and that is super wonderful. Mia'll be back eventually, I don't even know when. Like, a week. So that's no big deal.
Oh, I'm trying to find a new job, that's my other thing, but will update if I do anything about that/ make any progress.
Lucy out.
It was just fun, I really got into it, wrote a massive amount. It fizzled around 70k because I'd reached adulthood again and I wasn't so interested in writing about things that exist in reality as well as fiction. But I'm still adding to it and trying to come up with some conclusion, but alas, just as with my real life, I can't 'happily ever after' things at 21 because I have no idea what the next step is going to be for me, and it seems silly to end it 'and she married so and so, had four babies and lived happily by the sea forevermore'.
The reason I bring this story up, as a prelude to my actual theme, is that without thinking about it, by just writing my private, honest story, I came to a lot of relatively surprising conclusions about what I want out of life. It makes sense, when you write a story that allows you to fix all your mistakes and take back all your regrets with the benefit of hindsight, that it'll highlight exactly what things you consider important, what you wished was better in your life and how to fix it.
I mean, yeah, its super wish fulfilment which is the joy of it, but when I read it over, I realised that so many of the things I changed were things that are still in my reach now. Sure, I can't do them again as a child and be the best ever at them and experience them that way, but a lot of the things I changed were adding a million extra curriculars, different degrees, living more overseas etc.
So since being home, I've kind of had all these things on a mental list and have been thinking 'why not?'
The first thing I did was join Debating. In my story, I joined in Year Seven and did it all through high school but instead, I joined it super whole heartedly last year and now I love it. So I was right, it was something I dreamed about doing and by putting myself out there, I got to get involved in it. Voila, my life is infinitely more interesting. New hobby acquired.
Second, I regretted stopping Gymnastics in Year 8 and in my story, I not only kept up with it, but I did it like, three times a week and became a hardcore tumbler. Tumbling is the best part of gym in my opinion. So this summer, I started going to Hangtime, the trampolining place which opened up while I was overseas and as of today, started going to the Flight Classes there, which teach tumbling and tricks. And, will wonders never cease, it was with my old gym instructor, who taught me from age 5 to 14. So I'm going to tick that off as well. I wanted to learn to do handsprings and everything again, well, now I'm going to.
Third, I regretted never learning an instrument. Guess who now owns there very own guitar and is going to practice until she can play allllll the Taylor Swift songs the internet can teach her (aka all of them, youtube is a gem.)
Fourth! I was a beach baby and will likely be addicted to the beach til the day I die (of skin cancer probably) but I never learnt to surf or be that really dedicated beach bum that I know is inside me. I don't feel like I'm fit or confident enough to start learning to surf this Summer, but I've absolutely been doing my best to go to the beach every warm morning and swim before the sun gets deadly. I have the cutest bikini and even if it takes a lot of confidence to wear it, I do and try not to think that people might be looking and judging. And if I can't get that confident, I have boardies.
Fifth, I want to be way fitter. I think childhood self image never really leaves you, and because I did so much sport and gym and whatever, I was a really fit, strong kid until puberty. Even until 16/17 really. So that's who I want to be, that's who I feel like I'm supposed to be and because I was good, and I know I have the ability to be good at long distance running, I'm committed to getting better at that. I want to be one of those people that when they get stressed, instead of binging on every food item they can imagine (me), they go for a 10k run. I don't know if it's possible to train yourself to be that person, but it's the kind of personality trait protagonists of books and cool TV shows have. Like, in job interviews when they ask what your worst quality is, and you say something like, 'I'm TOO committed'. I want running to be that obsessive commitment.
Sixth, I've had a year off netball now and I need to get back into it desperately. It really is one of my great loves in life and I just want to season to start already, both the Uni comp and the Saturday one. I don't think I'm going to coach this year but play, hell yes.
Seven is basically the result of five and six, but I want to look fit as much as I want to be fit. I've been trying hard since December and while I'm still above the weight I was when I left for Exeter, I'm really hoping and planning on being below that by the time Uni starts back and then it's just a matter of slow and steady, working on my eating when things go wrong, watching my stress levels, and by the end of the year being 20kg lighter and being completely normal and ED-less. Of course, as far as the mental stuff goes, I'm also working on that, self love and self care and keeping control of anything obsessive or super negative. I'm gonna get healthy in all ways I can this year. That's not so much a commitment as just trying to find and keep a happy frame of mind. If I can do that, I'm confident the rest will fall into place. Not without a lot of effort sure, but it's not out of reach by any means. None of my goals are, which is awesome. I might not reach every goal I set this year, but knowing that I've identified all these things that I didn't realise how much I wanted until I saw them written into a story makes me feel good about them (and seeing how I am already working towards them all).
Oh, and eight, being more involved with people, planning more things, being a good friend and being more outgoing when organising events. I don't do badly at that stuff but I'd love to be more proactive. Write more letters, start more conversations, go out more, host more parties. Like, Valentines Day is coming up and I had such an amazing time last year with all my single ladies, we all cooked and brought up so much chocolate and we all dressed up and it was a super fun time. Even if I just do that again, with a few girls, some wine and some rom coms, that sounds nice. And I'm planning on joining a bunch more clubs this year, FemSoc, PhilSoc, Queer Collective (I want a girlfriend, lets be real), so I should be much busier and make lots of friends hooray. The way I see it is that these are all things I've always wanted to do, but have had an excuse for. Now I'm going to do them, so I can be a super involved, interesting person and have a tonne of fun doing it.
As this is my first post for the year, it's kind of like a list of New Years Resolutions, but not really. I think these things are just goals to work towards, a kind of template for how I understand I want my life to be. It's not about checkboxes so much as inching closer to becoming the person I want to be, having the life I want.
And as far as living overseas going, I have a lot of plans in mind for that too. And Jen is going back to Europe in June, so now I'm thinking my Europe2016 trip may be a Europe2015 trip instead (or as well as :P). And I'm going to try harder to decide how I'm going to live in London once my degree is done. If my grandfather was born before March 1922, I can get a 5 year ancestery visa and my grandfather was right on that line. Like, I might just make it by 3 months, or miss it just by the single year (which would be killer). If I can't get that visa though, I can always go for two years on a youth mobility visa but that one isn't as good. My mind is set though, it's going to happen.
Okay, that pretty much sums up my plans for the next semester/year/life. Everything else is going fine, it's a wonderful Summer, maybe the best yet. All my friends have left basically. Jess is still around until Thursday, but then she's in Armadale for 5 weeks so that's lame (for me). Jen is around too, and that is super wonderful. Mia'll be back eventually, I don't even know when. Like, a week. So that's no big deal.
Oh, I'm trying to find a new job, that's my other thing, but will update if I do anything about that/ make any progress.
Lucy out.
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