I don't even know what this post is, except I think bae and I are moving so fast, not just in terms of how we're acting, like hanging out all the time, but also in terms of feelings.
It's so strange and unlike what I thought it would be. I don't know what I expected really, but Mia hit it spot on when she told me that when you date someone, if you aren't doing anything else, you just tend to hang out with them. I thought it would just be similar to what we were like when we were FWB but it's way more.
Like, the other day bae invited a mutual over friend over for dinner at his. He just casually mentioned to me 'so see you tonight like 7' or something, which was the only hint I got that I was invited, cos he just assumed obviously as we are dating I get an automatic invite which like, I get, but also it's new for me. So he had to be like yes lucy that is how dating works. It's all new and I like it all.
Sometimes I don't go home for two or three days, at least not for more than a change of clothes. I sleep at his about two thirds of the time now. That's a lot. I like it though.
It's crazy how much I want to spend time together. He left me in bed this morning cos he's going to Canberra overnight for debating and I miss him and it's only been like 12 hours. It's like being in the Twilight Zone. Me having feelings??? Okay, that part is average, but for a boy? Romantically? This is strange. And it's intense, I have absolutely zero chill. I look at him and think 'God I love you' all the goddamn time. Not that I say that yet, cos it's only been 2 months or whatever (9 1/2 if you count FWB time which I half do) but I think it. I'm getting so close to blurting it out. I don't know why I do exactly cos it's not like he's changed, but I just like him a fuckton and I think that's basically love? I know it's half puppy love, like, honeymoon love, not deep deep, I want to be with you forever love, but I want to touch him all the time, I always want to kiss him, for us to be skin to skin, he makes me laugh, I admire him so much and I just like arguing with him and we all know that's when I know it's real.
We don't really agree on much, all the superficial stuff we disagree, like music, movies, pop culture, fashion. He's a hipster and I'm a basic bitch basically, so we are very often dragging each other for our deeply held opinions but I think it's mostly, if not totally, in good fun. I sometimes worry that I'm not alternative enough for him, because I dress preppy and am not into going to gigs and don't want to get an undercut but we agree on the big stuff, which I have been reassured by a friend is what is what's important.
I think I realized how much I liked him when Mia pointed out to me that he's actually sort of one of a kind. Mia and I have argued for years about my high standards when it comes to romantic interests politics and values. I've made exceptions and there are people who are less intense about things that I've had feelings for but no one that I've ever dated. Bae is the only person I know who is more progressive than I am, in fact he almost constantly has me beat and which that sometimes annoys me, I also know that I never want it any different.
I don't think I'll be able to lower my standards now. I like feeling safe and sure about him, with sex but also just with my feelings. He has never not come through when I've talked him about personal things, and I've never got anxious for a second that I may not be safe with him or that he might hurt me. I mean, that's a low standard to hold guys to but that's society I guess.
I guess I'm just happy and I feel like it's moving fast, to the extent that I'm terrified of it ending suddenly, or going wrong. I like him. I like what we have. I want it to keep going. I want to go deeper. I remember when I said at the start of this, when I was convincing him we should date, 'if it isn't working out, we can just end it after a few months, no hard feelings' but I was so naive dear God. I knew about feelings in the abstract but in reality this is real truly madly deeply type stuff, how do people survive this jfc.
This whole 'you either stay together forever or you break up' dichotomy is also terrifying. We're gonna break up one day, and all of this feeling and love will be dust, that's awful. How do people have relationships, are people insane? Relationships are a trip, this is wild.
It's so strange and unlike what I thought it would be. I don't know what I expected really, but Mia hit it spot on when she told me that when you date someone, if you aren't doing anything else, you just tend to hang out with them. I thought it would just be similar to what we were like when we were FWB but it's way more.
Like, the other day bae invited a mutual over friend over for dinner at his. He just casually mentioned to me 'so see you tonight like 7' or something, which was the only hint I got that I was invited, cos he just assumed obviously as we are dating I get an automatic invite which like, I get, but also it's new for me. So he had to be like yes lucy that is how dating works. It's all new and I like it all.
Sometimes I don't go home for two or three days, at least not for more than a change of clothes. I sleep at his about two thirds of the time now. That's a lot. I like it though.
It's crazy how much I want to spend time together. He left me in bed this morning cos he's going to Canberra overnight for debating and I miss him and it's only been like 12 hours. It's like being in the Twilight Zone. Me having feelings??? Okay, that part is average, but for a boy? Romantically? This is strange. And it's intense, I have absolutely zero chill. I look at him and think 'God I love you' all the goddamn time. Not that I say that yet, cos it's only been 2 months or whatever (9 1/2 if you count FWB time which I half do) but I think it. I'm getting so close to blurting it out. I don't know why I do exactly cos it's not like he's changed, but I just like him a fuckton and I think that's basically love? I know it's half puppy love, like, honeymoon love, not deep deep, I want to be with you forever love, but I want to touch him all the time, I always want to kiss him, for us to be skin to skin, he makes me laugh, I admire him so much and I just like arguing with him and we all know that's when I know it's real.
We don't really agree on much, all the superficial stuff we disagree, like music, movies, pop culture, fashion. He's a hipster and I'm a basic bitch basically, so we are very often dragging each other for our deeply held opinions but I think it's mostly, if not totally, in good fun. I sometimes worry that I'm not alternative enough for him, because I dress preppy and am not into going to gigs and don't want to get an undercut but we agree on the big stuff, which I have been reassured by a friend is what is what's important.
I think I realized how much I liked him when Mia pointed out to me that he's actually sort of one of a kind. Mia and I have argued for years about my high standards when it comes to romantic interests politics and values. I've made exceptions and there are people who are less intense about things that I've had feelings for but no one that I've ever dated. Bae is the only person I know who is more progressive than I am, in fact he almost constantly has me beat and which that sometimes annoys me, I also know that I never want it any different.
I don't think I'll be able to lower my standards now. I like feeling safe and sure about him, with sex but also just with my feelings. He has never not come through when I've talked him about personal things, and I've never got anxious for a second that I may not be safe with him or that he might hurt me. I mean, that's a low standard to hold guys to but that's society I guess.
I guess I'm just happy and I feel like it's moving fast, to the extent that I'm terrified of it ending suddenly, or going wrong. I like him. I like what we have. I want it to keep going. I want to go deeper. I remember when I said at the start of this, when I was convincing him we should date, 'if it isn't working out, we can just end it after a few months, no hard feelings' but I was so naive dear God. I knew about feelings in the abstract but in reality this is real truly madly deeply type stuff, how do people survive this jfc.
This whole 'you either stay together forever or you break up' dichotomy is also terrifying. We're gonna break up one day, and all of this feeling and love will be dust, that's awful. How do people have relationships, are people insane? Relationships are a trip, this is wild.
No comments:
Post a Comment