So today has been a productive day. I think recently I've mentioned a bit about how me and the bffl have been distant and things haven't been exactly wonderful in that relationship lately. Well, today, I confronted her about it, albeit by text, and we got it out. I'm really glad because it's just been unsatisfying and petty lately, like, she stresses and I don't, so then she gets annoyed at me for not doing my assignments with her because I don't want to do it a week early when I'm not in the mood, and then I get annoyed in turn because she's being judge-y, and then we refuse to speak about it. And all term, I've been dreading her asking me what I'm doing a certain day because if I said I was free, it'd mean she'd want to do assignments with me and I just wanted to hang out with her and eat doritos.
Though it was barely a fight, since it was just a few long texts each, it was actually kind of a 'turn the friendship on its axis' type arguments, when I really thought, well, what if I don't want to be best friends any more? Is this small fight indicative of a larger flaw that would be enough to say, this relationship isn't working for me, and I don't want to be best friends any more, I think this has run it's course."
I think because I have quite a few 'best friends', even though Mia is I suppose the most exclusive, I'm at the point where I could theoretically not be friends with one any more and be okay. Though Mia and I are so symbiotic and she is just like so there in my life even when we aren't together, it'd be like breaking up with my mum or something.
Our relationship isn't like perfect yin and yang, where every part of our personalities match and for a second when I sent her a long text that was basically like 'this hasn't been okay, if this is what our friendship is going to continue being like, I don't want it', I really thought, well maybe this is over, we aren't the same and maybe people just change until all of a sudden you realise that you're completely different and it's over.
But then she apologised and simple as that, I was okay with things again. I suppose I realised that people are never perfect and friendships can't be either. When I went on Exchange, it's true that I did kind of discover a different way that friendships could be, a way that I really liked, and to an extent I suppose that made me question how good Mia and I had it (something I always took as fact) because it wasn't like the friendships I made this year. Instead of being open and kind, Mia can't stand mushy feelings and her type of compliment is 'oh, you look decent for once, where did you get that top?', but that doesn't make it bad, just different and I have to take responsibility for half of our friendship. She can't totally shape it and if we start doing something that I don't like, it's my responsibility to do something about that.
I'm trying hard to be more honest and more direct with confronting these problems when they come up. If I make a New Years Resolution, that's what it will be (am I getting in to early, talking about NYE already?). Because it really isn't like me at all, I finish an important conversation with someone and I am compelled to overthink it, share it with 5 of my closest friends and then blog about it, before passively aggressively dealing with it through strategic cold shoulders. That's not the kind of adult I want to be, not at all, so hopefully this little fight and make up will serve as a positive example of not avoiding all emotional issues in the future.
Though it was barely a fight, since it was just a few long texts each, it was actually kind of a 'turn the friendship on its axis' type arguments, when I really thought, well, what if I don't want to be best friends any more? Is this small fight indicative of a larger flaw that would be enough to say, this relationship isn't working for me, and I don't want to be best friends any more, I think this has run it's course."
I think because I have quite a few 'best friends', even though Mia is I suppose the most exclusive, I'm at the point where I could theoretically not be friends with one any more and be okay. Though Mia and I are so symbiotic and she is just like so there in my life even when we aren't together, it'd be like breaking up with my mum or something.
Our relationship isn't like perfect yin and yang, where every part of our personalities match and for a second when I sent her a long text that was basically like 'this hasn't been okay, if this is what our friendship is going to continue being like, I don't want it', I really thought, well maybe this is over, we aren't the same and maybe people just change until all of a sudden you realise that you're completely different and it's over.
But then she apologised and simple as that, I was okay with things again. I suppose I realised that people are never perfect and friendships can't be either. When I went on Exchange, it's true that I did kind of discover a different way that friendships could be, a way that I really liked, and to an extent I suppose that made me question how good Mia and I had it (something I always took as fact) because it wasn't like the friendships I made this year. Instead of being open and kind, Mia can't stand mushy feelings and her type of compliment is 'oh, you look decent for once, where did you get that top?', but that doesn't make it bad, just different and I have to take responsibility for half of our friendship. She can't totally shape it and if we start doing something that I don't like, it's my responsibility to do something about that.
I'm trying hard to be more honest and more direct with confronting these problems when they come up. If I make a New Years Resolution, that's what it will be (am I getting in to early, talking about NYE already?). Because it really isn't like me at all, I finish an important conversation with someone and I am compelled to overthink it, share it with 5 of my closest friends and then blog about it, before passively aggressively dealing with it through strategic cold shoulders. That's not the kind of adult I want to be, not at all, so hopefully this little fight and make up will serve as a positive example of not avoiding all emotional issues in the future.
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