It's my last night in Europe. I should probably take some time to reflect on the last six months. I said goodbye to Jen and Simon today in Paris and there were tears. Jen and I cuddled in bed for awhile listening to 'You and I' by Lifehouse and it was just sad. I'm feeling upset just thinking about it honestly. I know it's only five months, but I really love that girl. As much as I love Mia and Megan and I love them with all my heart.
I can't explain Jen. At first, I thought she was so like Megan, in every good way (because Megan has always been the epitome of perfection to me). Then of course, over time, people stop being amalgamations of people we already know and just grow into themselves. Jen sent me this snapchat back in January and while I have about 100 other screenshotted snaps from her, this was the one that always made me laugh the hardest. Jen is the most beautiful girl I know but damn can she make great ugly faces. So near the end of term, we printed off a whole bunch of photos of us and our friends to hang in our flat and she made sure this was one of them because she knows how it tickles me. Then today, she gave it to me, writing her goodbye on the back.
It was ridiculous, because I read it right after saying goodbye so I was walking down this Paris street trying not to bawl my eyes out with every sentence and then I'd flip it over and see that face and just want to laugh.
Okay I am crying now.
I didn't cry when I left for Exchange but leaving, I am a mess. This girl made my life so much better and the last six months incredible. If I had to choose between meeting her and every other part of exchange, I'd pick meeting her because I know that is the part of it all that is going to last. Living with her made my flat my home, rather than just where I slept. It gave me someone to come home to, to talk to, to know was there for me right from day one. Her support and friendship means the world to me and I like to think that I was able to reciprocate that.
She told me, on her last night in Exeter that I was more capable than I thought. I remembered that countless times over the last month and a half, every time things got tough and I was uncertain or worried, and I know so much of that capability stems from the fact that she taught me how to do so many things for the first time. Now I can travel the world no problem, but before exchange, I had no idea how to navigate an airport or check in at a hotel, or so many other things.
There's a psychology theory of learning, by Vygotsky, of the zone of proximal development. Simply, people learn from other people who are more capable, and that this is most effective when the gap between capabilities is within the zone of proximal development. If they are, then with a little bit of help, the less capable person will be able to gain the skill.
So that's what teachers are supposed to do, provide the extra boost to get the student to make the jump to the next step of learning the skill. They provide scaffolding, so that while being guided, the student can focus on the parts they can do, and then when they aren't being guided anymore, the scaffolding is removed and the task can be completed on their own.
Anyway, that's just how I see it when Jen says I'm capable. If I am, it's because she helped me to be. I'm glad I went backpacking because I think sometimes I put myself in a position of learned helplessness and rely on others to do things I could most likely do, if given the chance. Now that I finally stepped out into the real world and got my chance to do things unassisted, I realised she was right.
I'm glad I came of Exchange, no question. Whole heartedly recommend it.
The only thing I'd say is that you can't expect your whole life and personality to change just because you're on the other side of the world. If you want to change, you have to work for it, otherwise it won't happen. I remember thinking that I wouldn't be spending much time on the computer once I was in England. It didn't change, I was still awake at all hours, spending long days being lazy in bed.
I was still awkward and not great at making friends, but experience really does make you rich, sometimes if you do something enough, you just get a bit better at it. I can make small talk a little better now.
It didn't make me not think about you-know-who less, even though I was on the other side of the world. I'd be lying if I said that wasn't one of the reasons I did Exchange, to get away from him, even though he literally wasn't in my life barely anyway. While being away, I deleted him off Facebook and haven't spoken to him in months. I don't necessarily want to see him again or be friends, but it wasn't Exchange that pulled that off, it was me. And I certainly have realised there are better things out there than him.
As far as being a traveller now, the world feels both bigger and smaller. There's always new places to go, but once you explore a city, it does feel smaller, like it isn't infinite anymore, you can name it and put pictures and memories to it and that is odd. Of course, ideally I would live a year or two in every country in the world, in every city, in every town, but unfortunately that's not plausible just yet.
I'm excited to come home. I'm just exhausted. As much as I hate goodbyes, I'm dying to see my parents and family and I think there are more tears to come, happy ones. I miss Australia, I miss good meat and salt and vinegar chips and fruit and cooler weather and I miss my house and my room and uni and sport and I love all that, and I can't wait to be Lucy 2.0 and just have a great time back at home, trying to keep the exchange spirit of making new friends and having fun and parties and doing things together with people spontaneously and never getting into a rut.
I want to continue painting, because I discovered such a passion for it, and maybe get guitar lessons. To quote Tomorrow When The War Began (movie), I want to do more, see more, I want to be more.
If Exchange does anything, it makes you realise how much there is out there, and how small our individual worlds are. The possibilities truly are endless and that's exciting.
If I end up being a clinical psychologist, that's great. If I end up doing my Masters in Primary Education instead, great. If I decide to take next year off and Au Pair in America, or go on Exchange to South Africa or Spain, great. I have options now. Way more than I realised. I don't want to stay on the linear path if I don't need to. And I don't need to.
I am going to miss everyone I met, incredibly so. But I do think that I'll end up in the US/Canada one day, and back the The Netherlands to see the Dutchies and when Jen ends up back in England, I'll fly back and have holidays with her and when Simon gets back next year, we'll drink together in the Unibar and Jen and I will constantly be at each others houses drinking tea from our teapots.
I just know things are going to end up good.
I can't explain Jen. At first, I thought she was so like Megan, in every good way (because Megan has always been the epitome of perfection to me). Then of course, over time, people stop being amalgamations of people we already know and just grow into themselves. Jen sent me this snapchat back in January and while I have about 100 other screenshotted snaps from her, this was the one that always made me laugh the hardest. Jen is the most beautiful girl I know but damn can she make great ugly faces. So near the end of term, we printed off a whole bunch of photos of us and our friends to hang in our flat and she made sure this was one of them because she knows how it tickles me. Then today, she gave it to me, writing her goodbye on the back.
It was ridiculous, because I read it right after saying goodbye so I was walking down this Paris street trying not to bawl my eyes out with every sentence and then I'd flip it over and see that face and just want to laugh.
Okay I am crying now.
I didn't cry when I left for Exchange but leaving, I am a mess. This girl made my life so much better and the last six months incredible. If I had to choose between meeting her and every other part of exchange, I'd pick meeting her because I know that is the part of it all that is going to last. Living with her made my flat my home, rather than just where I slept. It gave me someone to come home to, to talk to, to know was there for me right from day one. Her support and friendship means the world to me and I like to think that I was able to reciprocate that.
She told me, on her last night in Exeter that I was more capable than I thought. I remembered that countless times over the last month and a half, every time things got tough and I was uncertain or worried, and I know so much of that capability stems from the fact that she taught me how to do so many things for the first time. Now I can travel the world no problem, but before exchange, I had no idea how to navigate an airport or check in at a hotel, or so many other things.
There's a psychology theory of learning, by Vygotsky, of the zone of proximal development. Simply, people learn from other people who are more capable, and that this is most effective when the gap between capabilities is within the zone of proximal development. If they are, then with a little bit of help, the less capable person will be able to gain the skill.
So that's what teachers are supposed to do, provide the extra boost to get the student to make the jump to the next step of learning the skill. They provide scaffolding, so that while being guided, the student can focus on the parts they can do, and then when they aren't being guided anymore, the scaffolding is removed and the task can be completed on their own.
Anyway, that's just how I see it when Jen says I'm capable. If I am, it's because she helped me to be. I'm glad I went backpacking because I think sometimes I put myself in a position of learned helplessness and rely on others to do things I could most likely do, if given the chance. Now that I finally stepped out into the real world and got my chance to do things unassisted, I realised she was right.
I'm glad I came of Exchange, no question. Whole heartedly recommend it.
The only thing I'd say is that you can't expect your whole life and personality to change just because you're on the other side of the world. If you want to change, you have to work for it, otherwise it won't happen. I remember thinking that I wouldn't be spending much time on the computer once I was in England. It didn't change, I was still awake at all hours, spending long days being lazy in bed.
I was still awkward and not great at making friends, but experience really does make you rich, sometimes if you do something enough, you just get a bit better at it. I can make small talk a little better now.
It didn't make me not think about you-know-who less, even though I was on the other side of the world. I'd be lying if I said that wasn't one of the reasons I did Exchange, to get away from him, even though he literally wasn't in my life barely anyway. While being away, I deleted him off Facebook and haven't spoken to him in months. I don't necessarily want to see him again or be friends, but it wasn't Exchange that pulled that off, it was me. And I certainly have realised there are better things out there than him.
As far as being a traveller now, the world feels both bigger and smaller. There's always new places to go, but once you explore a city, it does feel smaller, like it isn't infinite anymore, you can name it and put pictures and memories to it and that is odd. Of course, ideally I would live a year or two in every country in the world, in every city, in every town, but unfortunately that's not plausible just yet.
I'm excited to come home. I'm just exhausted. As much as I hate goodbyes, I'm dying to see my parents and family and I think there are more tears to come, happy ones. I miss Australia, I miss good meat and salt and vinegar chips and fruit and cooler weather and I miss my house and my room and uni and sport and I love all that, and I can't wait to be Lucy 2.0 and just have a great time back at home, trying to keep the exchange spirit of making new friends and having fun and parties and doing things together with people spontaneously and never getting into a rut.
I want to continue painting, because I discovered such a passion for it, and maybe get guitar lessons. To quote Tomorrow When The War Began (movie), I want to do more, see more, I want to be more.
If Exchange does anything, it makes you realise how much there is out there, and how small our individual worlds are. The possibilities truly are endless and that's exciting.
If I end up being a clinical psychologist, that's great. If I end up doing my Masters in Primary Education instead, great. If I decide to take next year off and Au Pair in America, or go on Exchange to South Africa or Spain, great. I have options now. Way more than I realised. I don't want to stay on the linear path if I don't need to. And I don't need to.
I am going to miss everyone I met, incredibly so. But I do think that I'll end up in the US/Canada one day, and back the The Netherlands to see the Dutchies and when Jen ends up back in England, I'll fly back and have holidays with her and when Simon gets back next year, we'll drink together in the Unibar and Jen and I will constantly be at each others houses drinking tea from our teapots.
I just know things are going to end up good.
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