Homeeeee

So.

I'm home! It's wonderful to be back. I had a party today (my mum went so overboard with the food and the stress) but it was good to catch up with people I hadn't see in awhile. Not that it felt like I hadn't seen them, it all just felt as natural as ever, except without Jen and my Exeter crew, it did feel like something was missing.

I finally got back into a normal sleep pattern. Every day I've been waking up at 5am and not being able to get myself back to sleep, leading to me sleeping at ridiculous times and being useless. But today, I managed to go back to sleep and actually overslept, not waking up until almost midday. Oops.

But at least it gave my body time to heal. I've been sick ever since the plane, but I think I'm finally on the mend which means everything is coming up Milhouse.

I got my job back yesterday, Mum bought me a new dress and two pairs of shoes and four pairs of tights and two shirts and Dad got me flowers and so did my Auntie Rosemary and I love flowers, especially bright yellow ones and yesterday my Auntie Maureen took my cousin and I out for haircuts (her shout) so now my hair has a new style that I'm quite pleased with. My long term goal is still to grow it right out but it's still short for now sadly.

Mia and my cousin Lizzy were making plans to have coffee. Together. Alone. Which was weird, but now we've made plans instead to go to San Churros on Wednesday evening, with Megan and Jess as well, so I'll get to see them again. I am determined not to let Megan be a loner this semester. I missed seeing her loads so I'll make sure she is hanging out with me/us a lot. Jess too. We are always fine to go three months without seeing each other, though we don't often go that long, but there's no reason for it really. I'll see her Tuesday and Wednesday this week and I had dinner with Megan on Thursday so maybe we'll organise to do dinner or something next weekend/ Monday. Jess and I made tentative plans to go to the Uni movies Wednesday after next as well which will be awesome but I've just realised I have a tute until 7:30 on Wedesday's. Bummer! Hopefully it'll finish early so I won't have to miss the start anytime I go. That was the only tute I didn't get the exact time I wanted, but who knows, maybe a spot will open up in the tute the hour earlier? Unlikely only because that tute is straight after the lecture and therefore popular.

I'm seeing Sarah and Corey on Tuesday (can't wait to see that baby!) and then from Wednesday I should have shifts back at work. Hopefully Tues/Wed/Thurs (or weekends) but I won't know until Tuesday when the new roster comes out. I'm looking forward to starting again and seeing my work friends but nervous too, about memorising the price changes and anything new on the menu or any new girls or anything like that. It should all be fine and of course, I need the money and I like the structure work gives my life but still, eeeeeeeep!

Overall, coming home has been a welcome change of pace. I'm looking forward to Uni tomorrow and getting started on a brand new semester, because I'm sure I'll be as busy as ever.

T minus 1 day to the end of Exchange

It's my last night in Europe. I should probably take some time to reflect on the last six months. I said goodbye to Jen and Simon today in Paris and there were tears. Jen and I cuddled in bed for awhile listening to 'You and I' by Lifehouse and it was just sad. I'm feeling upset just thinking about it honestly. I know it's only five months, but I really love that girl. As much as I love Mia and Megan and I love them with all my heart.

I can't explain Jen. At first, I thought she was so like Megan, in every good way (because Megan has always been the epitome of perfection to me). Then of course, over time, people stop being amalgamations of people we already know and just grow into themselves. Jen sent me this snapchat back in January and while I have about 100 other screenshotted snaps from her, this was the one that always made me laugh the hardest. Jen is the most beautiful girl I know but damn can she make great ugly faces. So near the end of term, we printed off a whole bunch of photos of us and our friends to hang in our flat and she made sure this was one of them because she knows how it tickles me. Then today, she gave it to me, writing her goodbye on the back.

It was ridiculous, because I read it right after saying goodbye so I was walking down this Paris street trying not to bawl my eyes out with every sentence and then I'd flip it over and see that face and just want to laugh.

Okay I am crying now.

I didn't cry when I left for Exchange but leaving, I am a mess. This girl made my life so much better and the last six months incredible. If I had to choose between meeting her and every other part of exchange, I'd pick meeting her because I know that is the part of it all that is going to last. Living with her made my flat my home, rather than just where I slept. It gave me someone to come home to, to talk to, to know was there for me right from day one. Her support and friendship means the world to me and I like to think that I was able to reciprocate that.

She told me, on her last night in Exeter that I was more capable than I thought. I remembered that countless times over the last month and a half, every time things got tough and I was uncertain or worried, and I know so much of that capability stems from the fact that she taught me how to do so many things for the first time. Now I can travel the world no problem, but before exchange, I had no idea how to navigate an airport or check in at a hotel, or so many other things.

There's a psychology theory of learning, by Vygotsky, of the zone of proximal development. Simply, people learn from other people who are more capable, and that this is most effective when the gap between capabilities is within the zone of proximal development. If they are, then with a little bit of help, the less capable person will be able to gain the skill.

So that's what teachers are supposed to do, provide the extra boost to get the student to make the jump to the next step of learning the skill. They provide scaffolding, so that while being guided, the student can focus on the parts they can do, and then when they aren't being guided anymore, the scaffolding is removed and the task can be completed on their own.

Anyway, that's just how I see it when Jen says I'm capable. If I am, it's because she helped me to be. I'm glad I went backpacking because I think sometimes I put myself in a position of learned helplessness and rely on others to do things I could most likely do, if given the chance. Now that I finally stepped out into the real world and got my chance to do things unassisted, I realised she was right.

I'm glad I came of Exchange, no question. Whole heartedly recommend it.

The only thing I'd say is that you can't expect your whole life and personality to change just because you're on the other side of the world. If you want to change, you have to work for it, otherwise it won't happen. I remember thinking that I wouldn't be spending much time on the computer once I was in England. It didn't change, I was still awake at all hours, spending long days being lazy in bed.

I was still awkward and not great at making friends, but experience really does make you rich, sometimes if you do something enough, you just get a bit better at it. I can make small talk a little better now.

It didn't make me not think about you-know-who less, even though I was on the other side of the world. I'd be lying if I said that wasn't one of the reasons I did Exchange, to get away from him, even though he literally wasn't in my life barely anyway. While being away, I deleted him off Facebook and haven't spoken to him in months. I don't necessarily want to see him again or be friends, but it wasn't Exchange that pulled that off, it was me. And I certainly have realised there are better things out there than him.

As far as being a traveller now, the world feels both bigger and smaller. There's always new places to go, but once you explore a city, it does feel smaller, like it isn't infinite anymore, you can name it and put pictures and memories to it and that is odd. Of course, ideally I would live a year or two in every country in the world, in every city, in every town, but unfortunately that's not plausible just yet.

I'm excited to come home. I'm just exhausted. As much as I hate goodbyes, I'm dying to see my parents and family and I think there are more tears to come, happy ones. I miss Australia, I miss good meat and salt and vinegar chips and fruit and cooler weather and I miss my house and my room and uni and sport and I love all that, and I can't wait to be Lucy 2.0 and just have a great time back at home, trying to keep the exchange spirit of making new friends and having fun and parties and doing things together with people spontaneously and never getting into a rut.

I want to continue painting, because I discovered such a passion for it, and maybe get guitar lessons. To quote Tomorrow When The War Began (movie), I want to do more, see more, I want to be more.

If Exchange does anything, it makes you realise how much there is out there, and how small our individual worlds are. The possibilities truly are endless and that's exciting.

If I end up being a clinical psychologist, that's great. If I end up doing my Masters in Primary Education instead, great. If I decide to take next year off and Au Pair in America, or go on Exchange to South Africa or Spain, great. I have options now. Way more than I realised. I don't want to stay on the linear path if I don't need to. And I don't need to.

I am going to miss everyone I met, incredibly so. But I do think that I'll end up in the US/Canada one day, and back the The Netherlands to see the Dutchies and when Jen ends up back in England, I'll fly back and have holidays with her and when Simon gets back next year, we'll drink together in the Unibar and Jen and I will constantly be at each others houses drinking tea from our teapots.

I just know things are going to end up good.

Hamburg (plus Berlin and Amsterdam)

So Mia and I came to Hamburg from Paris by overnight train. It was an interesting experience. I'd still recommend it, but it wasn't the best nights sleep I've ever had, with passport/ border checks at about 1am and a train change at 6:30am.

But we made it, in about 14 hours. We were met at the station by a family friend of Marija's, a friend of her Mum's I think. We're staying with her in her apartment for 5 nights and it's been wonderful. She isn't pushy or stifling, she works during the day and helps us out with everything we need.

Even though I've been in Hamburg four nights now, it doesn't feel like I've been here long. The day we arrived (as it was an overnight train, we were here quite early) we explored the suburb we're staying in, and the next day we explored the city centre. By explore, I mean we walked around until we found a good restaurant and then until we found the mall. It's a very nice city though and I very much enjoyed it. The food here is delicious, the people are friendly and I had this really amazing passionfruit smoothie that was positively orgasmic. Tomorrow if I have to catch the train into the city to get it again before we leave for Frankfurt, I will.

On our third day, we went to Berlin for a day trip. It was just within day trip limits, about two and a half hours each way. I didn't like Berlin, it was okay but it didn't excite me much. We were both tired after waking up early and spent half the day on the hop on- hop off bus napping.

The day after, you'd think we'd try to have a sleep in and catch up after that long day in Berlin but no. Instead, we woke up at 4:20am because we were going on an 8 hour train ride to... dun dun dun... Amsterdam!

Because three of my good friends from Exeter are Dutch, and from the Utrecht area, I figured this would be a perfect time to go visit them. I mean, we'd said our goodbyes but I really wanted to go and so I convinced Mia, and we planned to leave early, be there for midday, explore the city, party the night away with the assistance of the perfectly legal weed and get the earliest train home at like 5am, but Mia was skeptical and then my friends weren't up for it (they have actual lives now and work sadly) so instead, Laura said we could come back and sleep at her place, in Rotterdam.

So after various stresses such as missing our train, we eventually made it by half past one. At 4, my friends arrives and I got to introduce the old and the new. We had a really lovely evening, and eventually went home after really exploring and enjoying the city. Yeah, it's got a reputation, and there was a lot of people smoking, but it was a really beautiful city and there was so much to see. Next time I will definitely got for much longer, and see the Van Gogh museum and Anne Frank's house and the Wax Museum and the Sex museum and all the cool things. Including obviously checking out the night life, and saying yes next time we have the choice to go into a cafe and get beer and weed.

Tonight was the World Cup, which everyone not living under a rock would know. Fancy being in Germany to witness them winning. It was quite exciting, something to remember :) There's still a lot of cars honking and bangs but I'm so exhausted. All I want to do is sleep in but tomorrow we need to get up early to spend one last morning out in Hamburg before catching the train to Frankfurt. Soon Mia and I's trip is going to be over which is sad, but I'm looking forward to seeing Jen and co and I'm definitely looking forward to being done with travelling and just being at home, in my own bed and seeing all my friends again. And sleep. God I miss sleep.

I love travelling and I'll miss it as soon as I'm done but it's exhausting work.

Dubrovnik and Paris

Reunited!

I got to Croatia after a night of mostly unsuccessful attempts to find a comfortable position to sleep. I had a reclining seat but it wasn’t great.

I got a taxi to the place I’m staying. It was half past seven so no one was awake. I just crept around the house (it was unlocked) until the owner came out and then Mia was there and yay!

It was silly to think that things wouldn’t be the same as ever. We went into the old town, found some café and sat and talked for four hours. Then we wandered around some more and then came back to our room, opened our laptops and both just Internet-ed until I fell asleep for three hours and Mia was just like, no it’s fine, I have Twilight fanfic.

So yeah, things are good.

I missed Mia kind of but not really. She was always still present to me, in snapchats and facebook messages and skype but I did miss being able to mutually tumblr the way we always do at home.

Today we went to the beach. I swam, Mia tanned. We drank hot chocolates and ate lunch and dinner and just talked more and more. I’m happy that this isn’t going to be a ‘busy’ holiday. It’s just going to be relaxing and doing things we like, even if Mia won’t jump off rocks with me.

We just are having a great time lying on the beach and swimming and talking about literally everything. Like, we don’t actually agree that often on finer details when it comes to most things. Like whether homosexuality is natural or if men can be victims of domestic abuse or what the line is between slut shaming and thinking girls are too young to be promiscuous or should women be allowed to be topless at beaches and if saying something is ‘just a social norm’ enough of an argument or is it just continuing a sexist past. Like, is saying ‘I just don’t think that’s appropriate’ a legitimate argument?

We talk about many things. I like it though. Mia and I work s best friends somehow. Like, I think Megan and Jen actually make more sense in terms of friendship for me, but Mia and I have always gotten on best? I think some of that is that we enjoy doing a lot of the same things. Like, our career paths of ‘writer, if not writer, psychologist, if not psychologist, teacher, we both came to of our own accord but I think it certainly makes us closer.

I think that we both like the same things, going out, being foodies and drinking hot chocolate and tanning and then coming home to fanfiction and internet, also just means we can hang out so easily.

I think that’s why I was anxious that by being in Exeter and becoming involved with different kinds of people who enjoy different things and have different ideas of fun, some of which I picked up, would lead to Mia and I growing apart.

Fortunately perhaps, I think that when I’m with Mia, I do act in a certain way that is complimentary to her. I don’t think I do it consciously and maybe it’s a bit of a stifling thing that my personality molds to hers, but when I’m with her, we judge people more than I would on my own, I notice different things, I talk about different things (even if those different things is everything). I just worry that my personality is a tad bit to malleable.

That’s why exchange was good for me, and solo backpacking was awesome. I like knowing what I can do by myself, because when I have support, for better or worse, I always bow to it.

Now it’s the evening of our third day (wow time passes quickly when we lie on a beach and eat all day). She’s reading Quil/Claire Twilight fanfic and I’m cracking up over vines and the latest meme ‘I just came out to have a good time and I’m honestly feeling so attacked right now’ which I inexplicably find hilarious. Tomorrow will be more of the same. We’re going to actually walk to city walls because so far we haven’t gone much further than the old town.

Ciao!

Now on our second night in Paris (yes, I’ve been updating this over quite a few days). I have mixed feelings about my bffl. At least, travelling together after being apart for such a long time (relatively).

We clash a lot because I’m different and we have to adjust to that, plus we’re travelling and that’s stressful, plus, living together in close contact for any period of extended time with someone close can make things difficult, constantly compromising.

Plus, I suffer for the bad friend behaviour of comparing Mia to Jen, which is terrible but kind of unavoidable, especially in Paris, which is so like London, which Jen and I did together.

I don’t know why I think Mia and I are travel incompatible, in lots of ways we get on perfectly, but in others… like, little things like we walk at different paces, and she doesn’t care if we get up early and get breakfast at our hotel which is included (aka already paid for), or going inside any museums… and it’s worse because in 2 weeks I’ll be doing Paris again with Jen and we’ll probably drink wine and do more social things and it’ll be terrible if I compare the two trips and end up liking that more, because it’s really unfair to Mia. Like, I have 50% say in this holiday, it should be a mix of both of us, it’s just that I’m such a pushover/ easy going, I just kind of bend to whatever. Like, I don’t care what sites we see, or if we are out walking around for 6 hours or 16. I am content either way so whoever I’m with takes the lead. That’s why solo backpacking is good for me. The authentic Lucy trip, kind of. Only I normally meet people and attach to them so regardless, my experience is based on the people around me.

Today was fun. I woke up at 10 (late start), Mia woke 10:30, once I’d showered etc. We had a crepe each for breakfast, then she wanted to go shopping so we went to the Arc de Triumph, then found a shopping street. Didn’t get anything but did that until we had late lunch at some overpriced restaurant. Then we got the Metro to Notre Dame, looking for the Shakespeare shop because Mia wanted to get our friend some old book from there. I ended up getting two books (The Nanny Diaries—because the movie stars Scar Jo and Chris Evens, and I ship Captain America/ Black Widow HARDCORE—and a future dystopia, 2104 or something like that about the benefits of logic vs sensory stimulation/emotion in human evolution). I was thinking we’d go home then and come back out in the late evening when the sun set (10pm) to see the Eiffel Tower at night, but we ended up wasting so much time getting to the Eiffel Tower to get a crepe before going home, we ended up just staying for a few hours at the Tower reading, until it got dark enough for them to turn the lights on.

Mia and I are still KINDA weird, but we are just weird people. She was too much of a scaredy cat to go across the road and get cookies without me there and I refused to go with her (it’s the principle of the thing), only then I wanted food to but I couldn’t go with her and if I tried to go, she’d just follow me and it was a problem so I ran out into the elevator and instead of going down, I went up. She locked us out of our room in her effort to chase me, but had to go down the stairs.

I nearly made it, I was in the store when she found me but then because I’m a horrible person who foes things she doesn’t understand, I put down the food I had picked up (yes, I had got her biscuits) and left empty handed. I suppose in my effort to be a mama bird and make her fly solo but it didn’t really work out.

We shared the cookies when we eventually were able to get back in.

Obviously we are cool, but yeah. Weird.

Now we’re in Germany but final cliff notes on Paris— I loved it, I loved the Eiffel Tower, the language, the architecture, the streets, the hot boys, the food… all of it.

Hoping Germany will be as awesome.